Zen and the Art of Cat Emotion Maintenance

Being a healer by vocation, I'm used to being on the receiving end of some very different theories and discussions - things that at times I wish I wasn't. Other times, I will take on the thought and incorporate the thoughts into my beliefs and workings. Like faith, religion and political theory, I take on the best fit, dismiss what I don't like and to hell with what anybody thinks. This goes to show with the fact that as a staunch Labor/Greens voter, a couple of my best friends are card carrying John Howard lovers.

So the when the email about the Illuminati causing the Japanese earthquake and tsunami came, it got binned pretty quick - along with all the schmaltzy angel crap my sister sends me.

However, the email a friend sent about how to ward off illness struck me as worthy of a second read. The email stated ways of keeping well included the following:

• One needs discipline to calm the mind and control, or your darkness comes out and pulls in the ghouls.
• Keep your life ordered and Zen-like in its cleanliness. This is a form for protection.
•  Stay away from anything degrading, violent films or degrading images and news on TV.
•  Stay away from poisonous and dangerous places.
•  Stay calm, no fear no anger.
• Drink chamomile even if you don't like it drink lots of it.
•  Do the forgiveness prayer where you go on your knees and beg forgiveness for your transgressions in the past.
•  Try to be a vegetarian, if not already one. It helps greatly with your perception as you become more alkaline.

Some of these I agree with. I've been merely skimming the news of late - too much bad news there. I've been trying to stay calm. I walk as much as I can and don't go to dangerous places if I can help it, I go vegetarian a few days a week, though I'm an omnivore - I like being an omnivore. As long as my meat is killed humanely and ethically and the whole beast is used, I'don't have too many qualms - and I dislike waste. Then again, drinking chamomile tea is akin to drinking dishwater, so I might give that a miss.

I'm fully aware that colds are the product of repressed anger and emotional turmoil as much as they are by the virus that causes them. Colds are a product of fairly minor quibbles for the most part. I try to protect myself from these slings and arrows, and I normally succeed. But after a month of being pissed off about the work stiuation and having some large emotional burdens dumped on me I'm not surprised I'm hacking up green crap and spending today in bed.

Mostly I put the cold down to the change in weather, spending a half hour next to half a tram full of people with pneumonia on the tram - and Maow Maow.

Maow Maow? Yes, I'm blaming Maow Maow for this cold.

How can you be Zen like in your cleanliness when you have a cat?  How can you stay calm all the time when you have a cat? How can you keep things in order when you have a cat?

For the last month, I have been responsible for the wellbeing of another, physically and emotionally - and it's all becoming a bit of a strain. And I know he's a cat - but I still feel very responsible for him.

The cat and I tick along brilliantly, for the most part. He's reasonably polite, quiet, not overly noisy and he can be very sweet.

Yet, there are times, many times, when I feel like I'm being held to ransom by a teenage boy.

Here is where the Zen cleanliness thing kicks in. I'm sure teenage boys might have a bit more concern when it comes to eating habits - this one eats all over the place - his place mat on the floor is littered with old food that needs cleaning up after every meal. He also has a fine habit of kicking his litter all over the flat. Because I had to change his litter to the deodorised crystal stuff (as the garbage Barney brought over stank after a day's use) he appears to like to kick it out of his litter tray and toy with it round the place. Walking bare foot around the kitchen is no longer possible as it feels like you're treading on gravel.

Then there's the guilt thing. The manipulative little shit has the guilt thing down pat. As soon as you step into the shower in the morning you get the,"Where the hell do you think you're going?" look. He follows you around, climbs your stockings, atttaches himself that dangles from your person (dressing gown cords are a favorite) and as you clean your teeth, he just sits at your feet with a pathetic look on his face - that "I know where you're going, and its not around here, is it? You're leaving me, aren't you, bitch."

I'm being fed a guilt trip by a cat!

Of course, when you get home, there is the "moody dance" and I call it. The rubbing of the legs, the purring, then when you do go to pick him up, he scurries away with a disdainful look.

And just like a teenage boy, when you need him for something, he's nowhere to be seen - or off in a sulk. Today, feeling like hell, all I wanted was a cuddle. Would he sit on the end of my bed - no way. It wasn't until I changed my bedding did he come round. What is it with clean sheets and cats?

The Maow Maow is now sitting in the middle of a mohair blanket in the middle of my couch. This is "his" spot. He used to sleep on his bed that Blarney and Barney brought over - now he likes his mohair blanket. Take it away and he gets grumpy.

Oh, and when clients come around - when you need him to behave - he bites the feet of tarot clients and comes and snuggles up on the laps of those having their feet done. Contrary little monster.

People ask me why I don't have a cat. Well other than my lease stipulates no pets, I'm not sure I could take the guilt trips, the mess, the mood swings, the on -again/off-again affection, the game playing on a full time basis.

Maybe this is why I don't have a boyfriend either...