Friday, April 17, 2020

What I Don't Like About Owning A Cat

I look ownership of the small panther a month ago, and being perfectly frank, I really can't remember life without him. But there are some downsides to owning a small house demon - and I call him a house demon, because that's what he is. I mean, who has eyes like this and isn't a demon?

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So here are the things I don't like about having a cat.

1) They're like unreliable alarm clocks. I got woken up at 5.30 this morning. I had to be up at six to meet a friend for a walk, but no, not early enough for his lordship, who decided that snuggling into my shoulder and purring loudly was a great way to get fed. Thankfully he doesn't have bad breath and when he kneads my boob, he generally leave his claws in. The morning before he woke me at seven. No consistency.

2) He shed's hair everywhere. And he's a black cat, which means black hair is turning up all over the place. My bed linen is white. It gets a brush down with the sticky roller when I make the bed. At the end of the day, the hair is back. It's not even moulting time. He comes and sits next to me in the windowsill when I work. Black cat hair can be found on my keyboard. I cleaned the stove top tonight. Cat hair.  Oh well. May need to get a Dyson.

3) He loves to walk on my keyboard when I'm trying to write. It's just annoying. and a lot of people are getting emails with yhuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuujhjyjhjy and the like in them. I wish he'd learn to type. Mind you, cats having been walking over written work for centuries.


4) He's taken over the bed. His spot is directly in the middle of my double bed. When I try to go to bed a night I get a lot of stink eye. He normally get the huff and storms off. I feel a bit guilty about this. But then again, he won't use the bed I bought him.

5) He won't use the bed I bought him. I bought him a lovely cat igloo. He won't go near it.

6) He sprays kitty litter all over the house. His litter tray is in a remote part of the kitchen, under the table for privacy. It's not enough that that I have to toss his turds, I have to sweep up after him twice a day. At least he's using it, but that stuff feels like thumb tacks under your feet.

7) EVERYTHING is on his terms. This might just be a cat thing. He has to come to me. He wants a cuddle, he gets a cuddle. But it's not that common - once or twice a day. If I try and pick him up it's like having your father's cousin Leonard trying to kiss you on the mouth. He makes his displeasure felt.

8) Secretly, he'a a labrador. Seriously, to get him to come to you, all you need to do is rattle a packet and he's by my side demanding some. Doesn't matter if he likes it or not, he has to try whatever I'm eating. He's partial to protein. Doesn't like spice. He makes a rather daft face when being offered a libation. See below. This is Tuna Face. It's similar to steak face and chicken face. But seriously, I think he was a labrador in a former life. He is highly offended if I don't at least show him what I'm having for breakfast, lunch or dinner. Even if he doesn't like it - he still hangs around.

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9) He likes to play when I'm on conference calls. This I don't mind that much, but sometimes I do need to concentrate.

10) I get terrible guilts when I go out of the house. Sometimes I leave the telly on for him. I don't know if he appreciates it or now.

But generally, I think I'm the luckiest woman in the world. I have a fairly affectionate, pretty friendly, fairly easy-going, a little standoffish mate to share the house with. And I love him to bits.

Even if he is a selfish, occasionally needy, ever hungry house demon who sheds hair and kitty litter all over the place and wakes me up at odd hours. Spose I'm going to have to live with it. We're stuck with each other for the next 15 odd years...

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