The Foot Woman

I've been putting this off, but I finally made it today. It's an errand I've felt a bit embarrassed about, but now that things are loosening up, it felt like a good time to do it - bite the bullet. There is nothing to be afraid of. 

The job - a quick visit to the podiatrist. 

Not that my feet are bad. I can reach down and cut my own toenails. The callous on the side of my right foot has been there for over twenty years. But age, and visits to the dodgy Asian pedicure places of the years have left my big toenails with a propensity to grow inward. And then there is the thing growing on the ball of my left foot, which stings a bit every now and then. Today was the day to swallow my pride and have a professional look at it. The thing on the ball of my foot has been there years. I've just not had the gumption to go hunt out some help. Like the thought of getting multi-focals or receiving the 'poo test' in the mail, there is something about going to the podiatrist which makes you feel old. 

I remember my grandmother had regular visits to the chiropodist - what they used to call the podiatrist.

Anyway, turns out the woman I saw today is lovely. Fabulous woman. A funny woman. Like most people who do stuff with feet, she had a well developed sense of humour. Most people who play with feet for a living have one of these. Comes with the job. 

I apologised for being there for something as silly as a toenail tidy up and a crappy thing at the bottom of my foot. She said it was good I came in and it was nice to clean up non-problematic feet. 

I apologised for the state of my feet - which have a bit of dry skin, like most people who wear Birkenstocks eight months of the year. She said they weren't too bad at all, but her podiatrist pedicure would do them well. 

I apologised for visiting the Asian pedicure places over the last few years, which have not helped the state of my in-growing toenails. She commended me for stopping this venture (though I'd go back for a paint in the future). The good thing about podiatrists is that they're not going to mess your nails up. 

As a reflexologist, I've seen lots and lots of feet. We had a chat about this. We both think feet are great. 

Then we got to the elephant in the room. 

The thing on the ball of my foot.

It's a wart.

Dammit. 

Fuck.

I've had these before. I've written about the fuckers before. They're a shit to get rid of. But it can be done. It takes time and tenacity. 

It takes acid and liquid nitrogen and keeping them dry and starved of air - which when the fuckers are on your feet is hard, as your feet which get sweaty and wet and smelly, is not a fun thing. And as I'm a twice a day bather, yeah, like not washing my feet for three days aint going to happen, which was an option.  

So I'll be starting the new regime soon. 

Deal with the sucky bastard. Acid, liquid nitrogen. Scrape the bastard down. Daily. 

And then apply the duct tape. 

Yep. Put duct tape over them. Shower in the morning. Shove on the acid / liquid nitrogen. Cover them with duct tape. Pare them down regularly with a scalpel. 

Replace duct tape morning and night. 

Who knew. Yet another use for that magic stuff.

I need to go to Bunnings tonight to get some. Won't that be fun. 

Today's Song: