Customer Service

<rant>

Fucking cheques. 

They're the bane of my life. 

So it's 10.30 on a Monday evening. I've been to the gym and now I'm sitting here in my Harvard jumper trying to unravel the Property Association books and get them ready for the auditor, because I am that sort of masochist and I really need them to be out of the way so that I don't have to think about doing free dodgy admin for a while longer. 

But this is not my gripe. My complaint is about cheques. 

Hate the fuckers. And yes, I have asked the people giving me the cheques to bank them themselves, but due to a few extenuating factors, this time round I said, "Give them here, I'll deal with them," hoping to take out some other bits of angst I won't go into. 

So last week, I made a special trip to the Commonwealth Bank to bank some cheques for the Property Association. Go to the branch which has out of hours access. Tick. And said branch has a machine which can bank cheques without a Commonwealth bank card. (I think they call  it cardless deposits - not all ATMs will do this) Tick.

I had three cheques to bank. 

The machine only accepted two. The third cheque was deemed invalid form some reason which only the computer knows about, was spat back at me. No idea why - it just was. I tried to get this thing into the bank three times. On the second and third attempts it was spat out quicker than a dog spits out lemon rind. 

So, it's now Saturday. I have fun things to do on Saturday, but as I want to get this bloody banking out the way I make a plan to go to a Commonwealth Bank branch which is open on a Saturday - which is the one in the city - open from 10 am til 2 pm. Great, she cries - the branch is opposite where my mailbox is kept. 

I make the effort to catch the tram into town, on a Saturday. I arrive at the bank within the required branch opening hours. 

As all physical banks now days, they have somebody at the door directing traffic. Need loan advice - this way madam. Need to roll over a term deposit - that way madam.

So think about what it's like when you've made this special trip into the bank to bank a cheque to be told by the person at the front of the branch directing traffic,"Sorry, we don't do that on a Saturday - you'll have to come back during the week."

IT'S A FUCKING BANK? WHY CAN'T YOU FUCKING BANK A CHEQUE IN A FUCKING BANK ON A SATURDAY!

Rather than raise my voice at the person, who told me twice I couldn't bank a cheque in a bank, after looking at her like she'd grown another head, that I'd deal with it during the week - and I went on my way. 

BUT IT'S A FUCKING BANK! AND THERE ARE NO PEOPLE TO DO STUPID, SIMPLE TRANSACTIONS ON A SATURDAY, WHEN THE WEBSITE SAYS THEY'RE OPEN.

IT'S A FUCKING BANK....

God, give me strength.

I collected my mail and went home. 

And went to the local branch of the Commonwealth Bank in Richmond, where I banked this errant cheque and told the lovely teller my tale of woe. She was sympathic and nice enough to add a reference of the cheque to make it easier for whoever is doing these books next year, because I, for one, sure as shit won't be doing them. I've let it be known I'm going to be off this committee at the AGM in November. 

I'm told I should go and complaint to the Commonwealth Bank about the fact that I was put out - there might be some money in it to shut me up. Because, you know, banks are all about shareholders' dividents and not customer service (Says she who is currently working in a bank and knows how they really do try to get things right most of the time. )

That feels better. Got that off my chest now. 

</rant>

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