Wednesday, September 27, 2023

The Last Session

 Tonight was our final session. Final, in that it's the final one for the moment. I think I'll continue to have a mental health plan going forward. It's a good thing to do. If I'm honest, I nearly cancelled tonight, not because I didn't want to see her, but I didn't feel like I needed the session. Regardless, it was good to finish this cycle of sessions. The government gives you six subsidised sessions on Medicare. There are a further four sessions available if you go back to your GP. 

Tonight was more of a check in session. I haven't seen my psychologist since before my birthday. We caught up. 

Therapy has been a good thing. My main reason for going was initially to deal with some anxiety that was affecting my life. The therapist has been good for providing tactics to help overcome this. It's been very successful. 

We talked about the difficult week I've had. And how I've risen to the challenges. 

We talked about how I'm becoming more comfortable expressing my needs. This was a biggie. Things like the noise-lowering earplugs. Knowing when to step away. Stating when things are good for me - and maintaining strict boundaries. All good stuff. 

Then the biggie. 

"So, when was the last time were you in England?" she asked. 

"2010."

"And how are you feeling about returning?

"Really strange."

I explained that I was catching up with people I knew in my twenties. My friend Nathan is turning sixty next month. It's all a bit of a mind fuck. 

"But I'm only there for five days." I told her. 

"Not longer?"

"Not for this trip. I've got other things to do - the writer's retreat. Seeing Reindert. In France."

"So what does England mean to you?"

I had to have a think about this. 

"It's home. And there's some disappointment in there as well. "

"How so?"

"At a cellular level, I'm British. It feels like home every time I go there. But there's the disappointment that I never found a way to settle there. I've had to make the best of things over here."

"Would you move to Europe?" she asked. 

"In a heartbeat. But I have the cat now. And I don't know what I'm going to find over there now."

"You'll just have to find out."

"Another friend and I have started in talks about doing a cathedral tour of England, driving around for a few weeks. We'll see. There are so many places to go. "

"It must be exciting."

"I just want to get on the plane."

And we ended our session. 

I'm grateful we get support to look after our mental health in this country. It's been a journey. It will continue. 

And now to check in and pack. 

Today's song: 

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