Friday, May 8, 2020

Writing with Dev: Part Nine

After finding myself actually working hard on a Friday afternoon, and after a walk, a play with the cat and a gin and tonic, I'm going to do a Dev class before I get novel writing.

And this is the first blog post written on my new laptop, which doesn't run at a snails pace and hopefully has better graphics, camera and mike that the old one (which is now about five years old)

So here we go with Dev taking the lead.

Today's quote: Fail while daring greatly.  (Theodore Roosevelts)

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” 

Like it.

Fast Q&A

What problem would you like to solve for other people?

I would like to give people an inherent sense of direction somehow. I don't get how people can get lost and I have a really good sense of direction.

Describe two meaningful moments you've had in your life.

1) When I was coming back from London, I managed to spend an hour at the Tomb of Edward the Confessor. That felt amazing - just to be that close to history.

2) I remember the time I won my first short story competition. That was amazing too. Finally I found something I could do.

What is a meaningful conversation in your eyes?

For me, a meaningful conversation is when two (or more) people can really say things from deep within, without judgement and be accepted for what they say - on both sides. You may not agree with the other person, but you can really start to understand them.


How has your quest for a meaningful life made relationships and your career more purposeful or difficult for you. 

I suppose I don't compromise that easily, which is why I don't really have close relationships. I know what I want, and how I would like to keep things, and early on, I met people who didn't want me to have those things - such as the bloke I really wanted to be with who dumped me because I wanted to go to London. Ah well. I'm a bit like Sybylla in My Brilliant Career - always forging forward. My career, well I'm still working on my dream career.

How have you gotten through you ever had to get though the hardest thing you ever had to get through. 

I think that would have to be when I terminated a pregnancy and dealing with the whole gamut of emotions and thoughts which followed from taking that action.

Probably the hardest thing about it all was not having somebody to lean on at the time. The father didn't live in London - he was off in the boonies living with his folks. We weren't a couple, though we did see each other. Things messed up with the contraception, it happened.

The world fell from under my feet the day I found out I was pregnant. I found out through the work doctor, having gone to see them with yet another chest infection. It was almost a by the by call. 'Oh yeah, my period is late." I said. I was pregnant. At least it was early enough to do something about it - I mean, you're illegal in a country - the last thing you need to do is bring a kid into the world.

Arrangements for a private termination were made the following day. The clinic was near Victoria Station. They were very nice. It cost a couple of hundred pounds. I didn't want to use the NHS service - I could have been waiting for weeks, at least I only had to live with this for ten days.

I remember taking public transport out to the hospital in Haringey. I had a friend who lived out that way. I kept telling myself I was just going to her house. When I got there, they told me they had the dates messed up and they were expecting me the following day. I lost it. They found me a bed.

The operation was over in minutes. I had a general. I remember waking and was astounded that I didn't feel violated. But I could feel that the life inside me was no longer there.

A doctor came round about an hour later and described the procedure. I was eight weeks pregnant when the operation occured.

A friend collected me from the hospital. I'd done the same mercy dash for her a few years before.

But how did I get through all this, being alone, in a country I wasn't really supposed to be in, without anybody to lean on. I just put one foot in front of the other. And kept going.

I told the father the day after the operation.

He never forgave me.


Today's Song: (Brought to you by the 30 Day Song Challenge

Day 15: A song you like that's a cover by another artist


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