The Callback

 It's not the way I wanted to start the day in the office. 

I got there on time. I'd nearly finished my audiobook on the tram into work. I remembered the trick to get my laptop attached to the internet in the office - one of the joys of shared work spaces. I said hello to those in the office - a lovely bunch of people. 

Then I checked my home email. One read as follows:

"Dear Pandora, 

Following your visit to our breast screening center we would like to invite you back for further tests to clarify changes seen on you screening mammogram. 

In most cases women who are called back are found not to have breast cancer. "

Blah. Shit. Fuck. Okay, calm down. 

I'm not used to feeling about a hundred emotions in the space of five minutes. 

The email went on to give an appointment time at St Vincents in a fortnight. Could I please call to accept or reject the appointment. 

I called to accept it immediately. 

The woman on the end of the phone was lovely. She told me, first of all, not to panic. About one in ten women will get a recall after an initial mammogram, normally because they want a few more images or to check something out. I might have breathed at the wrong time or moved blurring the image. I was left a bit frazzled after - It's not a painful experience, but it is uncomfortable, and I freaked a bit when the radiographer was maneuvering me in into place. I'm not used to being touched. I wanted to punch her. All because I felt like I was grabbed. (I know to mention this before next time - I won't need the chocolate after_)

Secondly, I've been told to clear half a day. With any luck I'll be in and out in an hour - but you never know - there could be a biopsy... but that is putting the cart before the horse. 

The next hour or so was spent controlling the anxiety. 

On the good side of things: 

• Most women called back don't have breast cancer
• I can't feel any lumps. My boobs feel normal. 
• There isn't breast cancer in the family. 
• I live in a country that takes breast screening seriously on public health. 
• And if there is anything there, it can be dealt with early

Still, it plays on your mind. 

After a quick meeting, I went for a walk with a colleague - I'd on conveniently left my external mouse behind - we went on an adventure to find one - and to get a coffee and to clear my head. It was welcome break, and it got the anxiety under control.

Still, I should not worry about something I have no control over until I have all of the fact. 

Things will be well.

Onwards. 

Today's song: