You have to be shitting me

 The Experience: The Kawaii Unko Museum

The Location: 360 Bourke Street, Melbourne

The Outlay: $31 for Adults, $18 for kids under 15

Tickets available until the February 24. The museum is closed on Mondays and Tuesdays. 

I went out of curiosity - that, and I have a friend who works for Who Gives a Crap, the ethical toilet paper people. But mainly, I was curious, so I bought a ticket and went along. 

Because, seriously, who but the Japanese would create a museum which celebrates literal crap? Really. Who would base a museum on an emoji? Why would you do this? I'm still not sure. And yes, the "museum" celebrates poo and tries to destigmatise it, but it still begs the question. Why?

So, I paid $31 to be surrounded by screaming children, asked to simulate taking a shit on a real toilet, be surrounded by screaming kids only to leave with a plastic poo on a stick and a roll of dunny paper. 

Yeah. 

The tickets are timed, an arriving on the half hour, I was told I'd have to wait about ten minutes. I've no issue with that. What was making me a little more nervous was the screams which were coming from inside the museum. What were they doing in there? Torturing four-year-olds on spikes? No, it turns out. 

On entering, we found out that this museum is dedicated to かわいいうんち - kawaii unko - or cute poop. My first question, was why are you doing this? I'm still not sure of the answer. 

The group with me was a mix of young kids aged between four and eight, their minders, and some Asian girls. We dutifully watched the video, and then moved to the next room, which had a line of toilets. 

In this room, we were invited to sit on the loos, simulate doing number twos, from which a plastic turd, in various colours, came out of the loo. We were invited to put the multi-coloured poos on sticks and cart them around the place. Such fun, eh. 

The next room was introduced by loud screams. The kids had found the poop pit. Also known and a ball pit filled with plastic poops. Also known as a good way to pick up anything and everything including gastro and COVID. Give that bit a miss. The rest of these rooms gave photo opportunities, an instagrammer's big mucky wet dream. There was the room of flying poop. And the Wall of Poop (Like the wall of love in Paris). And the High Tea Poop room. And the Poop store. Okay. We get it. 

The next room had excrement inspired video games, which, as an adult, you couldn't get to for the kids. 

Then there was the scream room - not sure what they did in there. 

And by this time, I had had enough of the sensory overload, mostly due to screaming children and I asked one of the attendants how I could get out of there. 

Through the big toilet seat. 

Of course. 

At the end, you were presented with a roll of Who Gives a Crap toilet paper, and you were told you could keep your shit on a stick. 

All of this took me half an hour. 

Is this worth the $31 entry? I don't know. I was curious, I'm not regretting going to the experience, but it certainly wasn't my cup of tea. Screaming kids aren't my thing at any times. I might have enjoyed this more if my watch wasn't alerting me of the noise level every few minutes. And if I brought a friend. And had a few hits of pot before I went in. 

As a concept, it's cool. And again, I'm not across the kawaii movement which appears to have broken through its Asian boundaries.

Is this worth going to? Maybe if you've got young kids, are up for something different or follow some of these Japanese trends. 

All this did for me was make me long for a bubble tea and a bit of silence. And yes, I know bubble tea originated from Taiwan. 

My curiosity has been quenched, but I'm still thinking I would have been better saving the money and going to the Trienniale for the afternoon. 

Today's song: