The Rage

I lost a friend over the weekend. 

Lots of us lost a friend over the weekend. 

I can't say any more as the family haven't announced their passing, and it is out of respect that I am not mentioning their name or giving them a gender, for the moment. I will not mention the place in which I know this person. For the moment, anonymity is key, out of respect for all concerned. 

Nobody knows quite what happened, other than it was very unexpected and sudden. And they were too young.  

But let's say that I'm raging against the universe because it's so unfucking fair that they are gone. 

I owe this person a lot. 

They were universally liked, loved and respected. 

They were fun to have around. 

And for the moment all I can do is remember them in song, as it is with song that we came together. 

I mean, this person was Louis Burdett - if you're into The Whitlams. I mean, the lyric, "Well all my friends are fuck ups, but they're fun to have around..." Written for my friend... then again, it was probably written for me too. 

I remember their epic play lists. I remember sitting in the passenger seat of their car listening to Talking Heads, singing along to This Must Be the Place. How many friends do you have with whom you can sing along to Talking Heads songs? We had a love for Talking Heads. Of course, we were friends. 

They introduced me to so many bands. They were more musically literate than me in many ways. This song was another song from one of their epic play lists. 

Just for now, however, I will continue to cycle through the stages of grief. 

I am angry. How fucking dare they die on me!

I am in denial. We were out at dinner the other week, for fuck's sake. 

I am bargaining: What could have I done to stop this, not that we know what happened at the moment, other than they are dead. 

There's the depression. It feels like I've been kicked in the chest by a horse.

And there is a part of me which accepts that they are gone - but that only comes in waves. 

They quite liked this song too. 

For the moment, I'm coming to terms with this loss, knowing that they are wherever they be now, drink in hand, dancing like an Energiser Bunny at that big gig in the universe, hopefully laughing at us who are left behind for being idiots and being all upset.  

I hope they realise the hole they are leaving in all of our lives. There are many of us feeling some version of this at the moment. 

And I know I will be listening to music in the future and off to the side, I will catch a glimpse of my friend, smile on their face, dancing along to the beat, at one with the universe.

But for the moment, I will rage at the total injustice of their passing. 

Today's song: