Monday, May 25, 2020

Directions for Heaven

Last night, I held you in my arms for the last time. I could feel your sorrow. It was palpable, but so was the fact that your life essence was nearly gone. You weren't you. You barely felt like you. The only thing you about you was that you snuggled in when I first took you into my arms. But this wasn't the same as other times. You didn't come to greet me. You didn't demand my attention. There were none of the rituals we've mastered over the years. I had to seek you out. You weren't that easy to find.

I had to come to say goodbye. It was necessary. You've been too big a part of my life to not come and see you.

I needed to tell you I love you. I've loved you more than any other for so long. I like to think you loved me back, but then again, you were never miserly with your affections. You loved most equally and with an open heart.

I wanted to tell you that it's okay to go. You needed to hear this too. It's more than okay. Your time had come. We didn't want you to linger. There are better things ahead for you. Know this. Hold this in your heart. There is no shame in dying. Yes, we're all heartbroken that you're not going to be around any more, but we know you can't stay too. It hurts us to see you like this.

It was hard to see you like this, frail and wanting. This wasn't you. This wasn't how I want to remember you, but there are things you do when you have to say goodbye. You've always been such a life force. Okay, you were occasionally obstreperous, demanding, greedy and a right royal pain in the arse. But you were also always there, so loving, so kind. You were quick with a cuddle, always there to greet us when we came home - mind you, you were also looking for food, but we saw through you. The heart matched the belly.

But now your time has come, so I feel I need to give you some directions. Directions for heaven. After all, I've been telling you for years what to do, whether it's been whispered in your ear, or shouted out loud. Sometimes you listened. Sometimes you didn't. And that was your prerogative.

You see, you're going on the biggest of adventures. Please take that huge heart and use it to love all around. Just be you. They'll love you for it.

Where ever you end up, please look out for a young girl named Lauren. She will take you under her wing and show you the ropes. She loves your sort. She has other friends out there to help make the adjustment. Just remember to share. I know you're not that good at sharing, but try. You might learn something out of it.

Your time with us has passed, but you will never be far away.

I've never loved anybody quite like I've loved you. I hope to love this way again.

But in the meantime, til we meet again, you take care. Remember that you are very, very loved, even if you had some dreadfully slovenly habits. You were magnificent. You had a wonderful life. You touched everybody who met you.

Rest peacefully, Maow Maow.

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