Tuesday, January 23, 2024

The Cat Distribution System

There's a cashier at the local supermarket. I'll call him Jeremy. 

Most of the cashiers at this supermarket are at school. They're perky and bubbly, and when they get to know you, they'll have a quick chat. 

But not Jeremy. I reckon he's on the spectrum. He's a bit awkward. This doesn't mean he's bad at his job, but he will never look you in the eyes, and he's not one for a chat. And this is fine. He's otherwise good at his job. 

But tonight, things were a bit different. My shopping went on the conveyor belt. Almond milk, an avocado, some smoked salmon and some cat treats. There would be hell to pay if I didn't get the treats. 

I wasn't expecting a conversation. 

Jeremy: What's your cat called?

Pandora: Lucifer. 

Jeremy: What sort of cat is he?

I was tempted to say he's a bastard, but I relented. I could also call him a small house panther but thought the better of that too. 

Pandora: He's a short-haired domestic. Bog standard black cat. 

I showed him my phone screensaver - a close up of Lucifer. Jeremy looked off into the distance, scanning my stuff. 

Pandora: How did you know I had a cat?

Jeremy shakes the packet of cat treats. 

Pandora: Do you have a cat?

I had to ask. I give too many people unsolicited information about my boy, I should return the favour.

Jeremy: Yes. I have a cat. 

Pandora: And what is his name?

Jeremy: Frank. 

A good cat name. 

Pandora: And what sort of cat is he?

Jeremy: He's a grey one. With grey eyes. We found him in the laneway next to our place. He was too young, he couldn't eat solids. And he's such a pain. He slept on my chest. I got no sleep. I thought I'd squash him.

Pandora: You wouldn't squash him. They know when to move. 

Jeremy: But he was so little.

Pandora. How old is Frank now? 

Jeremy: Six months. I've gone through six months of hell.

Pandora: No, you haven't. You've just fall in the trap of the Cat Distribution System. You are gifted the cat you deserve when the universe deems it so. You found Frank. Frank is yours. The cats who you find are the best. 

Jeremy: Do you feel the same about your cat?

Pandora: Yes. My cat is a bit of a bastard, but I wouldn't have it any other way. 

Jeremy: Do you think you're going to squash your cat in the night?

Pandora: No. He's not stupid. 

Jeremy: Good to know. 

I collected my groceries and went off into the evening. 

I'll have to ask about Frank next time I get him at the checkout. 


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