I've sat in the same seat at meditation for near on twenty years. When anybody tries to take my seat, I actively growl at them. It's okay, we've all got our places, it only happens every few years.
Today, as I went under into the depths of my psyche, I knew what I was in for.
We meditate on the letters of the Hebrew alphabet. Yes, it sounds strange, but as somebody who's dabbled in Kabbalah studies, it all makes sense to the group I meditate with.
Lamed (or Lamedh). The twelfth letter of the Hebrew alphabet. It makes the 'el' sound, as in lake or laugh or love.
It means ox-goad. The cosmic cattle-prod. The call to arms. The "if you sit on your arse for too long the universe will come and move you on in a most drastic way," letter.
Just what you need at the start of the year.
For me, this means it's time to get manifesting. A time to get my resolve and get on with things.
As a part of this day trip to Adelaide, I needed to hire a car to get out to the winery where the party was being held. It was going to be a lot cheaper and reliable than taking an Uber.
To economise further, when booking, I went the route of going for a mystery car. VroomVroomVroom.com, the car hire comparison site, this seemed like a good deal. It was only for the day. I wasn't like I was buying the vehicle. Whatever they gave me would be fine, I told myself.
Wrong.
When I rocked up the car hire office at Adelaide Airport, we went through the normal pleasantries. I handed over my driver's license, my credit card, signed a few forms. All the usual things.
Then, the big question. What were they going to give me?
I didn't have to wait for long to find out.
A CAMRY.
A bloody CAMRY.
Okay, yes, it was a hybrid Camry, and a black Camry, but you can't sexy up a Camry. Camrys are about as sexy as roadkill at the best of times.
"But I don't wear a hat, I'm not a Karen and I know how to use an indicator!" I wailed, "Do you have anything else?"
"No."
"Oh, okay. A Camry it is. "
So, I was driving around Adelaide in a black Camry today. I will say that it was very comfortable and it was lovely to drive and the 60 km round trip didn't make then petrol needle move, so I didn't have to fill it up before I dropped it back at the airport before my flight.
There goes the last of my street cred.
Regardless, I had a lovely time in Adelaide and I'm glad I went over, even if was made to drive that abomination of suburban opulence.
The little-black-furry-house-demon is leading me on the biggest guilt trip.
Bastard.
I'm heading off to Adelaide for the day tomorrow morning. It's my niece's 21st birthday and there's a family lunch at a winery in the hills. This means leaving around 8.30 in the morning, hopping on a plane, picking up a hire car, going out and having lunch, then backing up, going back to the airport and hopping on the 6 pm plane back to Melbourne. I should be home around 9 pm all going well.
It's a long day to go to another state for lunch, but this is what we do for families.
Regardless, the little-black-furry-house-demon appears to have gotten wind of this, And it's not like I'm packing a suitcase or getting out the cat cage. This is a day trip. All I have to do is get up, shower, dress, put on some make up, grab a handbag in which there is a book, my headphones, a powerbank, a lipstick, wallet and phone and go.
I also have to remember to grab my copy of the Qantas magazine for a colleague. They like to hand them on to their partner.
Anyway, the little-furry-black-house-demon has been on my tail all day, demanding treats, asking for cuddles. Generally being a pain, albeit a cute pain in the backside.
And we know it must be very dull being at home alone all day - and if things go awry and I'm going to be a lot later, I can call Jay or my downstairs neighbour and ask if they can feel the said little-black-furry-house-demon.
But he's giving me the guilt trip, which is his job, and I will acquiesce and keep dealing out the treats, even if I am in a meeting and he's sitting baying at me knee while inserting a claw into my calf.
Is there a better feeling than when you cut into an avocado, the one that you bought a few days ago and have left of the counter. The one that you had your doubts about when you bought it. The avocado that you really want a half of smashed up with some goat's cheese on an English muffin.
You toast the muffins. You don't want them too dark, nor to you want them too light. And yes, they're gluten free. Of course, it would be great to have some really fresh sourdough bread, but that's not how we roll at the moment.
And you crack open the avocado and it is perfect.
Not too hard.
Not too soft.
No brown stuff in the flesh.
Just a perfect avocado, like the ones you get at the Mejico restaurant in Sydney (and now Melbourne) where they make the guacamole at the table. Love that place.
Anyway, this morning, I cut into this avocado, and it was perfect.
Dating apps are like a bit like visits to the dentist. A necessary evil that nobody really wants to tackle, but it seems to be a good idea to experience, because you never know the outcome if it all. Thankfully, you know when your dentist says “open wide” they’re probably going to be using a large amount of numb, and after a bit of jiggery pokery, they charge you like a wounded bull and tell you to come back in six months.
Dating apps are like taking a giant leap of faith into the great unknown. I think of them like The Fool card in the tarot pack. The is a person at the edge of a cliff, they have their life on their backs, a rose in their hand ready to give to the right person and their mates nipping at their heels wondering what the hell they are up to. The Fool can do all sorts of things. They can take a dive off the cliff. They can sit down and let their feet dangle over the edge and contemplate the world. They can chuck their bundle into the abyss and run away very fast in the other direction.
I will confess to doing a little internet dating last year, but that was for research purposes. The last time I went on a "date", from memory, was in around 2007. A six-week relationship ensued. It was over before it began. I still feel funny going down Smith Street in Collingwood.
Online dating is very scary, although others might disagree. It’s a minefield. I mean, which platform do you use? Bumble? Hinge? Tinder? Plenty of Fish? eHarmony? There are so many out there, how do you work out which platform is for you?
Then there’s the setting up of your profile. How are you going to represent yourself? What photos do you put out there? And what if you're like me and hate having your photo taken? What do you do? Are you like me and find one or two photos of fun things you've done, or a photo of your cat? What if there are no really good photos of you.
Once you get past the photo checks, then you have to get down to the business of what you're after in a relationship. You've got to state if you after one of the following:
A life partner
A long-term relationship
A short-term relationship
A fling
Or are you trying to define what sort of relationship you're after.
Then there's the straight, gay, queer thing. This isn't an issue so much. I know I'm straight, but I'm open to friendship with people who identify as queer or gay.
Then they ask you to answer a heap of questions.
It's selling yourself.
It's hard.
You need a thick skin and your self-worth intact.
As a fan of the Instagram page, Bad Dates of Melbourne, I'm fully aware of the crap that's out there. And there's the sleazes, the players, the cretins and the bores.
And there's no place there where you can say, "Hey, I'm after meeting somebody who's a good, kind and nice person, intelligent and funny, who's not going to mess me about, likes movies and art galleries and keeping fit and laughing." I'm not going to be picky and say I'm after somebody over 175 cms, preferably with no beard, a furry chest and maybe a little bit of hair. I can't dictate about body types. I'm no oil painting, nor do I have an ordinary physique.
The Cinema: Village Cinemas, The Rivoli, Camberwell
Stars: 4.5
Yes, it's a movie weekend. It's hot. It's good to use somebody else's air conditioning. And this film is coming to the end of its run in the cinemas, and I'm very glad I got to see it before it left the screens.
Written, directed and starring Jesse Eisenberg, what could go wrong? Nothing. This is an hour and a half of a very well-acted, very well-written, very well-directed dramedy. It's wonderful in both its simplicity and depth.
It's a simple story. David (Eisenberg) and Benji (Keiran Culkin) are mismatched Jewish cousins who go on a week-long trip to Poland to pay homage to their Holocaust Survivor grandmother. Both of them have their quirks. David is a big ball of anxiety. Benji is more than likely bi-polar. David is more likely to sit back and let things happen. Benji charges at things with little consideration for others.
If I was travelling with Benji, I would have pulled the pin on the trip at the airport.
What follows is a very human journey to places neither cousin would have expected. The pair embark on a tour with a small group, look at the Jewish culture in Poland, ultimately visiting a concentration camp, before the cousins go off to find their grandmother's residence.
The tour group are a wonderful mix as well. An almost unrecognisable Jennifer Grey is Marsha, the divorced MILF. Will Sharpe is James, the long-suffering, incredibly patient tour guide, James. Kurt Egyiawan is Eloge, a Nigerian convert who is wanting to find more about the Jewish experience. And there's Mark and Diane (Daniel Oreskes and Liza Sadovy) a retired couple who fill out the tour.
This movie is not only Jesse Eisenberg's masterpiece, but Keiren Culkin also steals the show as the erratic Benji. We've all been on tours where there is 'that' person. Culkin plays this exquisitely. You feel for David as he has to navigate Benji's over the top antics. James the tour guide also deserves a medal for putting up with him.
Yet in the end, this is a movie about family, and how we love in the family group. It's far more emotional than I initially thought this would be. Watching the pair navigate their thoughts and emotions as they travel around Poland is as funny as it is touching.
As this will be out of the cinemas shortly, look out for it on the streaming services. I reckon it will be on SBS Online in no time. It's a little gem of a film and I'd like to see more of Jesse Eisenberg's works in the future. He'll be a force on the indie scene.
After watching the disappointing Parthenope in the afternoon and wanting to do something to celebrate the end of the holidays, I found a preview screening of Conclave, a movie which has been getting rave reviews and Oscar banter. It got me out of the flat and into a full movie theatre, which was great to see. Also, how can you go wrong with a cast including Ralph Fiennes, Stanley Tucci, Isabella Rossellini and John Lithgow, among others.
This is a solid film based on Robert Harris' book of the same name.
For those out of the loop, a conclave is what is held when the old Pope dies, and a new one has to be elected from the remaining cardinals. The men meet in Rome, in the Sistine Chapel and vote a new one in. This is a convoluted affair, filled with politics, factions and intrigue, as the politics of any large organisation would entail
Ralph Fiennes plays Cardinal Dean Lawrence, the man in charge of running the conclave. A good man who has to remain above all of the factions and make things happen. On one hand, there's Cardinal Tremblay (John Lithgow) a Canadian Cardinal who appears to be moderate, popular and ambitious. There's Cardinal Bellini (Stanley Tucci), Lawrence's friend, an American and very liberal in his views. This puts him in contention with Cardinal Adeyemi (Lucien Msamati) a popular Nigerian cardinal with a very conservative stand on things. And there's the Italian Cardinal Tedesco (Sergio Castellitto), a traditionalist and far right thinker.
Another interloper turns up at the eleventh hour. A Mexican working in Afghanistan, Cardinal Benitez (Carlos Deihz) who has only recently been made a cardinal by the last Pope. A quiet man, you know he's going to have something to do with all this.
And yes, with all this, they have Isabella Rossellini and her group of nuns to do the catering in the conclave.
This is a very approachable thriller, with Ralph Fiennes at his best, a man trying to keep his head in a sea of piranhas, keeping all of the factions in line while trying to get to the bottom of the truth. Stanley Tucci and John Lithgow play themselves to great effect. Isabella Rossellini casts a sinister glow as the nun, in charge of the catering of the conclave with a number of ulterior motives.
Even if you have no idea about the Catholic Church and it's working, this film is a fictionalised version of what goes on at one of these conclaves, right down to the black and white smoke and the voting.
My only criticism of the movie is that it feels a bit procedural, which is a strange thing to say seeing this is a thriller and it's bound to be a little formulaic. You meet all the main players early - you know that each of them are going to have their part to play. And the twist at the end is good.
The cinematography and score are wonderfully atmospheric, bringing an extra layer to what's already a good film. I also like that Edward Berger's direction is very assured. The movie keeps a great pace without letting the audience get lost. At two hours on the nose, it's not too long either.
There is all sorts of talk on the internet about this receiving a lot of Oscar Nominations. I can see why. This is a very well-made movie, with all the right ingredients to keep the audience on their toes.
It's definitely worth a look. I have to say I was doing a bit of a fist pump with the twist at the end.
It's hot in Melbourne this weekend, therefore the cinema is the place to be. It also means that I'd see almost anything to get away from the heat.
Parthenope (pronounced Par-ten-oh-pey, not Par-then-ope) was one of the films in the "Yeah, this looks interesting," and "Yeah, it was at the Italian Film Festival," so we gave it a go. I didn't read anything about this before going, and Jay said she thought it was something about a mermaid.
So, we went along.
It's not about a mermaid.
Things to know about Parthenope, which would have been good before I went in.
1) Parthenope was a sprite. According to Wikipedia, "According to Greek legend, Parthenope cast herself into the sea and drowned when her songs failed to entice Odysseus. Her body washed ashore at Naples, on the island of Megaride, where the Castel dell'Ovo is now located. Her tomb on the island was called "constraction of sirens". When people from the city of Cumae settled there, they named their city Parthenope in her honour."
2) The film is a bit of a love song to Naples. Paulo Sorrentino has done a good job with this.
3) There is very little plot or story to this. At two hours and sixteen minutes, this feels a bit long.
Making life even more interesting, there were two older women sitting in front of us talking loudly. Before the film they were nattering on for the rest of the cinema to hear, and after about five minutes, one of them proclaimed, "This is going to be in Italian..." (No shit, Sherlock...) Thankfully, after this, their interjections were rare. I thought they would have been chattier.
On the good side of this film, it is stunning to watch. Daria D'Antonio's cinematography is astounding. Also, Celeste Della Porta, who plays the younger Parthenope drinks up the camera. She is rudely gorgeous. In the film, Parthenope has also been blessed with a brain, which she takes measures to cultivate. It's the film's saving grace.
But there is very little plot. There was a line later in the film where one of the characters states that Parthenope doesn't use her beauty for her own gains. And she doesn't. Parthenope is a very neutral character as others around her have their troubles, in which she chooses to observe, rather than participate There is a good section with Gary Oldman, who plays and old, gay writer. The rest of the film meanders onwards.
Looking at the reviews, it's split the critics, some loving it, others not so much.
If there is a message from this film, it's that beauty is only skin deep. It also demonstrates a male gaze, which was tolerable until it became intolerable during the scenes at the church.
In all, this was a great way to escape the heat. Do I recommend it - no, not unless you want to look at something very pretty which is a bit all over the place. It does show Naples at its best.
And yes, I've been pretty cagey about what this film is about - mainly because the plot and narrative was so unfocussed.
I'd keep this one for the Film Festival junkies. There are a lot more interesting and accessible films to see coming out in the next weeks.
I'd never hear anything about Yayoi Kazuma until a few years ago. Since then, she's become one of my most favourite modern artists. Iconoclastic, bonkers, fun, very dotty, Kazuma is the high priestess of polka dots and pumpkins, who can happily take you into other worlds with her works. And Melbourne has gone a bit nuts for Kazuma, wrapping the trees in polka dot material.
Kazuma is great fun. And accessible. And suitable for all ages. With a couple of small exceptions in the first bit of the gallery, almost all of the exhibition is suitable for children of all ages.
I gathered my old colleague EJ and his wife, and we met at the NGV early. This was a good move. Although busy, the exhibition didn't feel rushed or too busy. By the time I left the gallery around one, people were queuing to get into both areas of the exhibition. Regardless, we got to bear witness to this fantastic exhibition without having to wait for too long to get to see some of the exhibits.
Yayoi Kazuma is 95-years-old and she has been producing art for most of this time. She's Japanese, but lived in New York in the 60's, being a part of the hippy movement, amongst other things. This exhibition provides a great retrospective of her work.
What I love about her is her infinity spaces. I've been lucky enough to see some of her works in Adelaide and London, and these works are not in Melbourne. EJ and Kit went into this blind, and were blown away by the works. We talked a lot about how art doesn't just have to be a painting on the wall.
For those who say they don't like Modern Art, I'd say that Yayoi Kazuma is a great gateway into this strange and wonderful world. Like the Ai Wei Wei and Warhol exhibition from a few years ago, I will still be thinking about this one, with its riot of polka dots, pumpkins, silver spheres and chandeliers.
She's even taken over the Great Hall.
The optical illusions, found mainly in the second half of the exhibition are mind blowing. And great fun. I was wonderful to watch children interact this these pieces. Also watching EJ and Kit move about taking in all that was going on was great too. They came to this on my recommendation and loved it.
I can't recommend this highly enough. Yayoi Kazuma is bonkers, brave, great fun and accessible. It's on at the NGV until 21 April. If you can, go early on a weekday so you can get the space to yourself.
The Cinema: The Rivoli, Village Cinemas, Camberwell
Stars: 4.5
After seeing Sean Baker's incredible The Florida ProjectI was keen to see Anora, yet another foray into his films which often go into the intricacies of the lives of sex workers. It was a good decision. Anora as a brilliant way to start 2025. Sharp, sassy, very funny in places and a very thought provoking, Anora is well worth a viewing. Saying this, if you're averse to nudity, sex and drugs, you might want to stay away. However, I loved this cracker of a film.
Anora is a film of three parts. In the first section we meet Ani (Mikey Madison) an exotic dancer from Brooklyn working in a New York gentleman's club where she dances for a living. Ani, legal name Anora, is selected by one of the bosses to service a young Russian V.I.P. Ivan (Mark Eydelshteynter) Ani was selected because she knew a bit of Russian. After taking some time to get to know each over a few days, the couple decide to take a trip to Las Vegas where the couple get married. This is a very sanitised version of events.
The second part consists of when the Ivan's handler gets wind of the situation. Garnik (Vache Tovmasyan) and his goon, Igor (Yura Borisov) under the direction of the family's business manager, Toros (Karren Karagulian) come to try and sort the matter out, only to have the family mansion trashed and Ivan running away from the hapless trio. From there the three of them and Ani go in search of Ivan, with some very funny results.
The third act of the film occurs when they find Vanya, the family turn up and the marriage is annulled.
I've only given a pocket synopsis of the film. To give any more would not do it justice. Let's just say this film is an unexpected treat with a group of unknown actors. You never know what is going to happen next. It is also hilarious in places, the comedy verging on slapstick as Toros, Ani, Garnik and Igor go on the hunt for Ivan. It's also very moving in other sections. One good thing is you know that Ani is a survivor, even if this mess has dented her a bit.
This is Mikey Madison's film. She's fantastic - I'd say Oscar nomination worthy in the role of the touchy, plucky, but ultimately sweet Ani.
The other unlikely standout is the hired goon, Igor, who is magnificent in this role. Igor says next to nothing, but his presence is felt more and more, and the film progresses. Yura Borisov is brilliant. He's worth the ticket price alone.
I really hope Sean Baker keeps making his movies. They are unlike anything else out there. Films of humour, wisdom and compassion, shining a light on an industry many would rather wish did not exist.
Sunday Stealing is taking a break for a few weeks, and I've missed their end of year questions, but thanks to the Plastic Mancunian, he's resurrected the trend of having a look at the past year and give it a good going over. As it's New Year's Day, I'll give 2024 another, thorough looking over before putting it to bed. For me, it was not the worst of years, which is good.
1. What did you do in 2024 that you’d never done before?
Two things stand out. I went on a road trip to Mataranka and Nitmiluk Gorge with a colleague for a weekend. That was wonderful. I've loved seeing this other strange and beautiful part of the nation. I also finally got to the Corner Hotel to see a gig. A small thing, but a great thing.
2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I've just had a look back at last year's post and I don't seem to have made any New Year's resolutions, however, I'm going to make a few here now as I'm going into Saturn Return later this year. It's time to get some shit in order.
I resolve to do the following:
Stop buying crap on the internet
Get something published
Write that bloody book
Continue on this health journey I've been on for the last four months. I'm feeling to good to stop.
Use more hand cream and moisturiser.
And put myself out there and get dating. (This I write with a lot of trepidation)
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes. My colleague Andy passed away unexpectedly in late July. He's left a big dent in the universe.
5. What countries did you visit?
Only Australia. Hopefully I will use the passport again in 2025.
6. What would you like to have in 2025 that you lacked in 2024?
More overseas travel. Move love.
7. What dates from 2024 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
29 July. It was the day we got the call that Andy had passed. I felt a seismic shift that day. Andy, a good friend, but not a close friend, has left a big hole.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Taking back control of my diet and exercise. It's been a great journey, and I feel so much better for it. I also took hold of my finances and did some good things there.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Other than not writing more of the stuff I love to write I'm not beating myself up for being a failure.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I had a mild bout of COVID mid-year and a spot of cellulitis on my leg which needed antibiotics to clear up. Other than that, I've been in positively rude health.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
I found something that revolutionised my life a few weeks back - a microwave sandwich press. It is the absolute bomb. Love it to bits. Even if I'm using gluten free bread and vegan cheese.
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Genevieve Pelicot. What a courageous woman. If you don't know her story, look it up. She is incredible.
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
American politics continues to baffle me. And Peter Dutton.... horrible, horrible, horrible man.
14. Where did most of your money go?
After rent, feed and bills, most of my money goes on travel, books, theatre and film. No change there, though I'm saving a lot at the moment - very proud of that.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
A few things. Seeing The Pixies again at the Pearl Jam concert - that was really good. I loved seeing Dracula at the Sydney Theatre Company. And it was great to get my energy back after changing my diet. It's been life changing.
16. What song will always remind you of 2024?
Something by Chappell Roan - who I only discovered a few months ago, but really like.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?
I'm pleased to say that I'm happier, thinner and richer in many ways.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Relaxed, exercised and wrote fiction.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Procrastinate and doom scroll.
20. How will you spend New Year's Eve?
Last night I did some writing, watched some telly and went to bed. New Year's Eve is not a big thing for me.
21. Did you fall in love in 2024?
No.
22. What was your favourite TV program?
One of the following: Bad Sisters (Apple +), Bridgerton (Netflix), One Day (Netflix) and Nobody Wants This (Netflix) just to name a few.
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No - I don't hate on people, unless it's Peter Dutton, but I've intensely disliked him for years.
24. What was the best book you read?
One of the following, When Good was a Rabbit, Still Life and The Year of Marvellous Ways by Sarah Winman. I love Sarah Winman. She's exceptional.
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
This year - Chappell Roan and Ruby Fields. I like both of them for different reasons.
26. What did you want and get?
A bit of sanity and my health back.
27. What did you want and not get?
A functioning love life.
28. What was your favourite film of this year?
I saw a lot of good films over the year, but the one I keep returning to is Perfect Days, a Japanese film directed by Wim Wenders. It's simple, but magnificent.
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 56 on my birthday, and I was in Darwin. That evening, a couple of colleagues and I went to see Being John Malkovich at the Deckchair Cinema. It was a nice evening.
30. What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Friends and my cat.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2024?
Clean, comfortable and with a load of Melbourne black. I am trying to wear a bit more colour, but black is still a staple.
32. What kept you sane?
Friends, movies, books and exercise. That rarely changes.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I've still got a thing for Clive Owen and Matthew Goode.
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
As always, women's rights and abortion rights, particularly in America, where it seems The Handmaid's Tale is used for a how-to manual.
35. Who did you miss?
Other than my mate Andy, I can't think of anybody in particular. I tend to miss people at funny times, then I don't think about them, only for them to come back soon.
36. Who was the best new person you met?
Again, there are no standouts, but I met some great people at work and at the writer's retreats I go on every year.
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2024.
Take control of your life. It's easy once you commit to yourself.
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
And I was thinking, that it might do some good
If we robbed the cynics and took all their food
That way what they believe will have taken place
And we'll give it to everybody that had some faith
