Sunday Stealing goes to the other side

 My weekend plans have all changed. The tea blending workshop has been postponed because Jonella isn't well. A movie with Blarney has also been postponed due to unforeseen circumstances - so I find myself at a look end. 

So far:

• I've been to meditation.
• Had breakfast with the meditation crew.
• Read 50 pages of my book. 
• Washed the cat's blankets - it's a great day for this and it's nice to have them fresh. 
• Done some ironing
• Psyched myself up to do some 'big' housework.
• and booked myself a ticket to see a French film (Colours of Time)
• and psyched myself up to do some job hunting.

In all, a fairly productive weekend. 

I'll get the questions out of the way before going to this film in an hour. Questions, as always, come from Sunday Stealing. 

1. Your MOST overused word or phrase:

Oh, there are a few of them. 

Awesome. Horrid work, normally said in jest. 

Actually. I pepper my speech with this far too often. 

And the F word. Normally said under my breath. Roy Kent is my spirit animal. 

2. Your BIGGEST expense:

Depends on what you call an expense. My biggest living expense is rent, followed by insurance and utilities bills. My car, which is well maintained, still costs be a heap in insurance, registration and servicing. 

Fun expenses include, theatre, cinema, books and holidays - all of which are necessary to keep your spirit happy. 

3. Your WORST fear: 

My most irrational fear is huntsman spiders. Although they aren't poisonous the creep the hell out of me. 

On a more existential level, I fear dying alone a painful death. 

I have many other fears, but that is why I'm currently talking regularly to a psychologist to help sort some of these things out. 

4. Your BEST memory of Summer 26:

As I'm Australian, Summer was six months ago, and I'm not a fan of Summer - too hot. But this year, my favourite memory was going to David Byrne's Who is the Sky concert with a friend, who's just as big a Talking Heads tragic as I am. This happened in January. It was awesome. Fabulous night at the Sidney Myer Music Bowl on a perfect night - not too hot, not raining, not windy - all weather patterns that can afflict Melbourne on any given day. I was, with a good friend and the best music ever. Superlative night. 

Today's song:

On the other side

 Maybe cat vomit is a lucky charm? I'm not sure it feels like it at the time when you're cleaning off your duvet and putting the cover in the wash.

I woke this morning to an email. I won $600 on the Powerball last night. 

Thank you, universe. 

In the scheme of things, $600 isn't much. More than a week's rent. It nicely offsets the $700 car service from last week, which feels like a waste of money (although it keeps my careful, only lady driver status for when I move this car on. It can go towards a Gunnas Writer's retreat. It's two night's accommodation in London or Paris.  Or four vet visits (but he only goes once a year, under duress - the cat is fine. Cat's throw up sometimes.)

Regardless, it was nice to wake up to. I’m also grateful that something nice happened to me.

Today's song:

Not Tonight

 I've just had a session with the psychologist, so I'm processing. 

I would go process in bed, but the cat decided to puke on my duvet. It's all been cleaned up, the duvet cover has been washed and is now drying on the airer, the quilt sponged clean - but the bed needs to be remade. (Lucifer is on his throne looking very pleased with himself - I think this was punishment for me going into work three days in a row.)

Anyway, I need some processing time. I also want to make my bed and avoid going to get some ice cream. 

So that's it for the night. 

Process. Make the bed. Do the dishes. Don't eat ice cream (even if you are allowed to eat ice cream after seeing the shrink). 

Night. 

Today's song:

Marching Orders

I got my marching orders today. The last day at my current job will be 30 September. 

It's okay. I was half-expecting this. Two weeks' notice - it's in the contract. And despite there being a good 3-6 months' work I could be doing on my job, but there isn't the funding.

It's the life of a contractor. 

On the good side of things: 

• There is work out there. 
• I started looking a few weeks ago. 
• The mood around my current job isn't great (a long story involving a departmental restructure, which I won't bore you with the details.)
• I'm used to moving around and a change is as good as a holiday. 
• I'm good at what I do. 
• And something will come up soon. 
• And maybe a few weeks off would do me good at the moment. 
• And I know what I have to do. 

Sure, I'm eternally optimistic that things will turn out well. I had a reasonable interview with an energy company the other week - they're still going through the sorting process. 

In the meantime, I will do what I do to go find another job. These things include:

• Only searching the job boards once a day for no more than an hour a day (including putting in applications.)
• Calling up contacts for coffee. 
• Burning green candles (brings in abundance)
• Reciting my mantra ("I'm gonna get a job and its going to be great" sung to the tune off John Brown's Baby.)
• Refining my wants list
• Ensuring I do an hour of exercise a day...

... and generally remaining a happy chappy, because what you put out to the universe comes back, and an attitude of gratitude gets you further than pretty much anything. 

And once my laptop and building pass have been returned, I'll turn myself back into a novel writer in the time I'm not doing my hour a day of job hunting because it's good to use the time off productively. 

It's okay. I'm adjusting to the news. Everything will work out well. I'm gonna get a job and it's going to be great.

Just watch. 

Today's song:

Put a finger down...

I love these little quizzes. This one struck a chord. It's looks at autism triggers. As somebody who's AuDHD (ADHD with some autism attached - what fun!) I was curious to see where I stacked up. The criteria come from Tony D, who's a neurodiversity coach that popped up on my feed on Facebook.

And this was better than doing a post about looking for work - too tired to do one of those. 

Here we go. Put a finger down if:

1. You rehearse conversations in your head before you have them.

All the time. It's normally the more 'important' conversations, but it could be something as odd as taking the cat to the vet or voicing a complaint at the supermarket. 

2. Small talk drains you faster than actual work does. 

Hell yeah. I try and keep small talk to a minimum. I had work drinks tonight. Turned up, said hi to everybody, gave the antibiotics excuse and got the hell out of there. I'm better in small groups. But I did turn up!

3. You've masked so well, people done believe you when you tell them you're masking.

I'm a Generation-X, first daughter. Masking is what we do. Menopause comes along and the mask drops. I have different personae for different situations. So, yes, I do this. All the time. 

4. Certain sounds, textures or lights can ruin your whole day.

Do not put me near any of the following: 

• Flannelette sheets
• Bananas
• Chickpeas (when I'm not expecting them)
• Soggy green beans
• Anything furry when it comes to clothing. 
• Necklaces, ties or scarfs that do up in front of my neck. 
• Skivvies (it's the neck thing again - I used to get told off for stretching the necklines on skivvies as a kid.)
• And I carry prescription sunglasses with me at all times so the bright lights don't get me.

I think that's a yes. It's a yes. The list is a lot longer.

5. You need to know the plan before you actually relax. 

Absolutely. And being spontaneous goes against the grain, but if plan change, I'm normally grateful for the night in. 

6. You've been called 'Too much" and "Too sensitive" in the same week. 

In my youth, definitely. I've been masking the crazy for most of my adult life. Besides, in the words of Jewel, I'm sensitive and I'd like to stay that way. 

7. Infodumping about your specialist interest is your love language. 

Go on, ask me about my cat, Shakespeare, Tudor history, English Cathedrals or the modern novel and see how much I love you. 

8. You need recovery time after socialising, even if you enjoyed it. 

Transition time - and recovery time - hell yeah. If I socialise with more than three people, I need at least an hour to find my equilibrium again. If I get home after midnight, I won't be ready for bed until around two. This one is real. 

9. Sudden changes make your body go on high alert. 

To a point, yes. I think I'm on high alert all the time. It's probably why I've got high blood pressure. 

10. Your exhausted from spending your life translating yourself for everybody else.

Exhausted? I know that I do this. My shrink and I started talking about this last session. I was talking about it with another friend over the weekend. I am very selective about who sees what of me. 

So, yeah. Mind you, as a late diagnosed AuDHD woman, you'd half expect me to relate to some of it.

And now off to bed, as I've had enough of today and want my bed. 

Today's song: 

Books Books Books

 Books, books everywhere, but not a thing to read.

Do not ask me about my 'TBR" (to be read) pile. It's vast. It's excessive. And I've no idea where to start. 

Remember, when it comes to books, it's not hoarding. 

Yet, after a what felt like a day spent in the car - which really was just dropping the car out to Mulgrave for its annual service, and picking it up some hours later, driving what felt like a couch of a loan car (Mazda CX-5s - seriously, it felt like I was driving the Titanic after my little CX-3) I got to finish my audiobook. The book, JoJo Moyes's The Peacock Emporium got off to a slow start, but I loved it in the end. It helped dim the anguish of the $700 bill for the service. (40K services are always a killer).

I also started our book group book, Nesting by Roisin O'Donnell, on Sunday morning. It's a wonderful, and quick read - I flew through this. That too has been finished. 

So, now what? 

I need an audiobook to listen to while on public transport and while I'm in the car. 

And as the book group book is read for next week's meeting - what now?

I've been going through a stage with audiobooks where I do a classic, then something lighter. Do I go something lighter again (as JoJo Moyes tells a great story, but she's not literature), or line up another classic? Do I finally dib into Middlemarch, some 40 years after I was supposed to read it at uni? Or get around to a Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, which I've somehow not gotten around to reading? Or get onto the last Austen, Northanger Abbey? Do I listen to the audio version of Elizabeth Gilbert's The Signature of All Things. Most of these books I've picked up on sale or free from Audible. 

As for the paper book, there is too much choice? Again, do I go contemporary, or find something older? Do I dib into my shelves and read something that's been sitting there unread for years? Murakami anybody? Franzen? Louis de Bernieres' first trilogy set in South America where he attempts to emulate Gabriel Garcia Marquez? Something impenetrable like Ducks, Newburyport or Ulysses? (Mind you, Ulysses is meant to be dipped into - it's not something you read in one sitting.....yes....yes, YES!

Do I find something Australian, or something shortlisted, or something obscure. It's all there in the TBR pile. 

The choice is exhausting. 

(After a night of deliberating, I've decided on listening to Russell Tovey read Oscar Wilde's The Picture of Dorian Gray for the audiobook, and I've picked up a copy of Gabbie Stroud's The Things That Matter Most - mainly because I know nothing about it. If I don't like them, I can find something else.)

Today's song: 

Anywhere But Here

7 p.m. on a Sunday night.

I'm sitting in on a Zoom call. It started at 7 pm. 

7 pm on a Sunday night. 

I'm wanting to write a poem to the rhythm of Green Eggs and Ham. 

I'd rather be watching The Block. It is on in the background, but it's not being watched as the meeting requires some attention. It's not a long meeting. But it is 7 p.m. on a Sunday night. 

I do not like these Sunday zooms

I do not like they make me snooze

I do not like the way they drone

I do not like how people moan. 

I do not like this committee

I do not like the jobs I'll see

I wish I could be somewhere other

But then I'd be in lots of bother. 

I do not like these Sunday zooms

I feel I'm trapped in some dark tomb. 

It's amazing what you can do with the camera off the mute button pressed. Then again, I knitted a blanket during defect triage at another job. Boring meeting, camera and microphone off.... time to be productive. 

The song of the day comes from the ADHD brain searching for lyrics, because I want to be anywhere but here....

Welcome to my unmedicated brain. This is what happens when I skip my afternoon dose of Ritalin. 

Today's song: