Saturday, March 14, 2020

Notes from the Apocalypse

Saturday morning, 7.30 am. Melbourne Airport - Terminal Three. The place is not empty, but it's not busy either. There are no queues at the security. I'm through in two minutes. It feels like there are more screening staff on.

There are also a lot of people wearing masks. Material masks, paper masks, the occasional mask you wear when you're using painting, but masks are in abundance, not that you can buy a mask as the moment. I try not to laugh at the two older people in front of me whose masks make them look like a duck. Jay is a GP. She said her practice will be out of masks by the end of the week the way things are going. She's also in an age bracket where she won't see anybody presenting with what looks like COVID-19 - she says it's not worth the risk.

Boarding the plane 15 minutes later, the atmosphere was strange. The 8 AM Qantas flight to Sydney is normally packed. I take this flight regularly. Today, it was about 60% full. People tried not to sit next to each other.

Anybody who knows me knows I will have a lingering cough for half of the year. Thanks part to inheriting my mother's crappy lungs and part the luck of the draw, I cough and blow my nose a lot all year round. I'm not sick. I had a chest infection a fortnight ago. I went to the doctor, was told to suck on a Ventolin and take some antibiotics. I was cleared for Coronavirus then and there. But the cough, which is nearly better, still lingers. It's made worse by changing environments. Air conditioning sets me off too.

So I was something of a pariah on the flight. The woman who was sitting two seats away, after wiping down with antibacterial wipes, the tray table, arm rests, seat belts and anything else in arms reach, her phone, her hands, then demanded to be moved. Her prerogative.

A few minutes into the flight, the guy in front of me turned and asked me if I was sick. I assured him I wasn't (and I'm not - no fever, no sore throat and I feel really well - the cough is just me getting better, two weeks on). He didn't look convinced.  I don't feel bad about travelling.

Sydney airport was also a bit of a dead zone - made worse by the lack of music in the departure hall. There's normally some gentle but daggy muzak going there - it was deadly silent today.

The train, again, normally busy, was carrying few people.

The hotel in which I'm staying, once again, normally heaving at about 10.30 am, was silent. The concierge looked like he was doing the crossword. There were fewer staff in the foyer.

Sydney feels strange. There are few people on the streets. Circular Quay train station

The streets are noticeably quieter - except if you are in a suburban shopping centre or at a supermarket. They appear to be in Christmas Eve on drugs mode.

Stopping in at the supermarket at Wyndham station to stock up on a few supplies (mainly tonic water - absolutely necessary) I went down the toilet paper aisle. There were two six packs of Quilton on the shelves. I took one of them. I'll bring it back from Sydney. There's room in my luggage. I'll give it away if anybody I know gets desperate. But I feel like I won the lottery.

Arriving in my hotel room, the first thing I did was wash my hands. Thoroughly - and with intent.

This is another behavioural change. In the public bathrooms, any public bathrooms, what used to be a cursory washing of the hands is now more akin to surgery preparation. Some sing under their breath to make the time - 20-30 seconds, go faster. For me, today's handwashing song is Elvis Costello's Oliver's Army. Two rounds of the chorus.

Oliver's Army is here to stay
Oliver's Army is on their way
And I would rather be anywhere else
Than here today...

These are strange times indeed.

Later in the afternoon, my friend and I were talking. We made the best of today, but both of us are exhausted by the constant news.  I'm booked to come up next month - I don't know if we'll be in lockdown by then. There is know way of knowing what will happen.

My gut feeling will be that by the end of the week, schools will be shut for a few weeks, I'll be working from home full time and all but food shops, pharmacies and petrol stations will be closed. Travelling will not be an option for a while.

I hope they don't make it so they close down school. My Tuesday night class, with nine others. Talking about writing novels. It brings me joy. Maybe class could be held virtually? I don't want to think about it.

I hope we don't have to cancel book group on Wednesday.

I really hope they don't shut the gym down.

But you never know. For these are strange times



Today's Song:


Friday, March 13, 2020

I Can Spell Schadenfreude

It wasn't a bad day.

We're going to be working from home from the end of next week.

Odds on, schools will be closed from next week too.

It's all travelling very fast, but I'm not panicking.

However, I am feeling a little better about things.

You see. Peter Dutton has tested positive for Coronavirus. A friend called me in the car when I was on my way to get my legs waxed. The news took any pain away.

This is my reaction to the news:

yes yes yes GIF

And

Yesssss Yes GIF

And

looking up adam sandler GIF by Saturday Night Live

With a bit of

sarcastic sarcasm GIF

The last one is because he will get better.

That there is the possibility that he contracted this from Melania Trump.

4th of july fun GIF by Fox TV

(Okay the last gif is because it's Tom Ellis in a pair of budgy smugglers...)

But it appears there is a bit of divine justice out there.

As I said, I can spell schadenfreude.

I'm wondering what the plane up to Sydney will be like tomorrow morning. Full like normal? Or half empty.

But Herr Dutton, Minister for Concentration Camps and Border Farce is in hospital under quarantine.

Maybe we can sleep safely in our beds for a night.

Today's Song:





Thursday, March 12, 2020

Preparing for the Inevitable

Waking to the news that this Coronavirus jobbie thing is now a pandemic, I started counting my blessings.

They are as follows:
  • I live in a first world country with great medical facilities
  • I am under 70
  • I am reasonably fit and healthy
  • I'm not immuno-compromised
  • I have a job that pays sick leave and holiday pay
  • I have the ability to work from home if I have to
  • I'm not inclined to panic
  • I've not traveled anywhere further than Spotswood and Caulfield over the last few weeks
  • I live in a place where I can order from the supermarket and have food delivered to the door if I have to self-isolate.
  • We may not have to get up at stupid 'o' clock in a few weeks and do the Camberwell market because it may not be running
  • I've got some food stored away.
On that last point, I'm not a true stock-piler, but at any given time, I easily have about two weeks food supply in the flat. After being in povo mode for the last few months, I've had a lot of staples in the place. Cans of beans. Two or three packs of pasta. Meat in the freezer. A dozen eggs. An extra brick of long life milk. Bread in the freezer. The only thing I would have to get in is fresh veggies. But I'm sorted.

I've also got seven rolls of loo paper and two boxes of tissues. I'm good for a fortnight.

And I recognise how very fortunate I am to be in this situation.

But I'm making some necessary adjustments.

The work laptop comes home every night. I don't like this, but it's a work directive. The VPN has been tested.

Tonight saw me out at Officeworks buying a monitor and cables - in preparation for what seems to be inevitable. Lockdown at work. Call trees activated. Working from home for an indefinite period is a possibility. It's feeling like it will be a matter of when, not if.  (The screen is needed anyway, I'm good with this)

Public transport is quieter. The streets are quieter. They gym is quieter. Shops are quieter.

Talking to my barista (in fractured Greek for greetings - go figure) custom is down some 50%.

My sister has just cancelled her first overseas holiday in ten years. They were going to Singapore and Thailand. They can't afford to self-isolate when they get home.

I passed the soap guy on the way home from the gym tonight. We bumped elbows and smiled at each other.

These are strange times.

I just wish we had an all round fix-it, like Douglas Adams and his towel. According to The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy,

"“A towel,says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value. You can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapors; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a miniraft down the slow heavy River Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (such a mind-boggingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can't see it, it can't see you); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.”

But most importantly: Don't Panic.


Today's Song:



Miffed

It's been a harsh 48 hours.

Thankfully, it's nothing that awful, but it has got me miffed.

First up - THEY'VE CANCELLED THE PIXIES CONCERT.

Okay, I know there is a pandemic going on and the last thing you want to be laid up with Coronavirus - COVID-19, so I get their reasoning, but still. THEY'VE CANCELLED THE PIXIES.

I'm was going up to Sydney to see them. I'm still going up to Sydney, but I won't be found in a mosh pit rocking on to such classics as Wave of Mutilation or Debaser or Nimrod's Son or La La Love You.... I think they were going to do the Surfer Rosa / Come on Pilgrim album - my absolute favourite Pixies album.

But no. There is the threat of corona virus so they won't be holding the concert.

I am grateful they've taken out the choice of going or not going to the show. But I'm still miffed. I've had that ticket for over six months. At least we'll get our money back.

But still. THEY'VE CANCELLED THE FUCKING PIXIES CONCERT.

Okay, I've got that off my chest.

Miffed story number two.

I came home from school on Tuesday night. I had Maow Maow with me still - Barney was coming over to pick him up after I got home. Having massive cat-mummy guilt for leaving the poor lad at home for over 12 hours, I asked my Lea downstairs if she could feed the bugger. We feed each other's cats. No drama.

Seems the cat had other plans. I think he thought that because Lea had fed him he was going to be alone all night. So he got wound up. And decided that shitting in the hallway would be a good thing. He's been coming to mine for over ten years. It's the first time he's missed the litter tray. He also puked in the bathroom.

Walking in the door, Maow Maow looked decidedly guilty.

Barney turned up ten minutes later. The flat reeked of disinfectant. The cat was bemused.

Adding insult to injury, Jay gave me some red wine to give to Blarney and Barney. I don't drink red wine. I can't drink red wine without getting palpitations, hot flushes and insomnia.

Jay gave me the wine at the gym. I put it in the back of my car. I drove the five minutes home.

I heard the bottles rattling, but thought no more of it.

When Barney and I were moving the cat out to his car (good riddance to the shitting, puking little critter, who I really do love terribly) I went and got the wine.

One of the bottles was smashed.

All I can say is I hope I don't get breatholised in the next month.

These are all small annoyances in the scheme of things.

Still. THEY CANCELLED THE FUCKING PIXIES.

Today's song:


Tuesday, March 10, 2020

Movie Review: Miss Fisher and the Crypt of Tears

Movie: Miss Fisher and the Crypt of Tears
Movie Number: 12
Stars: 3.5

I'll let you in on something. I have never watched the Phyrne Fisher Mysteries on the ABC. I've not had much of an interest - though some people rave about Kerrie Greenwood's titular main character. But having a cheap ticket and a bit of blank-page-itis, I took myself off the the cinema.



What can I say, it's set in the late 1920's. RottenTomatoes.com says of the plot, 'Glamorous lady detective Phryne Fisher (Essie Davis) returns in a cinematic sequel to the wildly popular TV series. In 1929 Jerusalem, Miss Fisher's rescue of a young Bedouin girl leads her on a globe-trotting adventure to uncover priceless treasures, wartime secrets, and an ancient tomb bearing a terrible curse, with the help of handsome detective Jack Robinson (Nathan Page).'

And that's about it. It's a poor man's Indiana Jones with better costumes and lots of English twits.

After seeing this, I'm not that keen to hunt out Miss Fisher on the small screen, but maybe the shorter format would work well. I know that I found this rather dull, formulaic and  contrived.

On the good side of things, the sets and the costumes were awesome.

Essie Davis is lovable as Phryne, Nathan Page quite dapper as Jack. There are some great cameos from Miriam Margoyles, John Waters and John Stanton.

But I was continually losing interest. Sure, the sets and costumes were fantastic, but I found the script contrived and really predictable. Some of it reminded me of the hijinks found in Sex and the City II (mind you, this was better).

I've a feeling this is a film for the fans of Kerry Greenwood and her renown heroine.

As somebody who went in blind, I found this a little lacking. I didn't hate it - I was just wanting more from the storyline and the script.

Today's Song:


Monday, March 9, 2020

Movie Review: Military Wives

Film: Military Wives
Film Number: 11
Stars:3.75

I shouldn't see English films. They make me cry and they make me homesick.

Regardless, I took myself off to see Military Wives as a diversion. I'd seen the trailer a few weeks before and it looked like a good diversion - and it was. It was also quite formulaic and pretty predictable, but it was also lovely  - so a lot can be forgiven.

The story follows the English tradition of all movies about underdogs, along the lines of The Full Monty, Fishermens Friends and Brassed Off.



This time, the film looks at a group of women, the wives of the military, who have been deployed to Afghanistan on a tour of duty for six months. The women form a choir to take away some of loneliness and worry felt by them as their men are half way around the world.

The choir has its challenges. The leader of the group, Lisa (Sharon Horgan) is new to the leadership role placed on her with her husband's promotion. Kate (Kristin Scott Thomas) the Captain's wife, reeling from a recent bereavement, decides to join in to help. Needless to say, the women have completely different management styles. Kristin Scott Thomas reprises the role she had in Four Weddings and a Funeral - why mess with perfection. Sharon Horgan is wonderful as the down to earth Lisa, a woman struggling being a part time single Mum and new found leader.

The women of the fledgling choir are heard in practice by the brigadier, who asks (orders) them to sing at the Albert Hall for a Remembrance Day event.

The film is fairly formulaic. You know when you go in, there will be a few things that will happen. One of the soldiers will die. Kate and Lisa will get up each other's noses and have a fight. The singing will be dodgy at the start it will get better. Of course, the Welsh Girl can sing.

It's all there.

But what saves this film is it's heart. The script is strong and not overly sappy. There are some wonderful laughs and quite a few tears and some of the girls' stories come to the fore.

It was also great to find out that these women are a part of a movement and now there are around 3000 military wives who sing in these choirs around Britain and their associated bases.

I really enjoyed this. It's something my mother would love. Like me, she likes seeing when the underdog has their day.

It was  a lovely diversion for an afternoon. And once again, I felt a bit homesick.


Today's song:




Sunday, March 8, 2020

Cottage by the Sea meme

I've got an afternoon of writing. Needs to be done as I need to get on with my school work (along with a bit of reading) It also means I don't have to go out into the great unwashed world and listen to the weirdness that's going on at the moment. Currently, in Australia, because of the Coronavirus, something has taken place in the Australian psyche and we're starting to take on a mob mentality. People are stockpiling stuff. You can't buy toilet paper for love nor money - there have been fights over it in supermarkets. It's so strange.

Anyway, I get to write at home with the cat. I can ignore the crazies.

Questions, as always, from Bev at SundayStealing.

01  What is the worst nickname that anyone has ever called you?

My father used to refer to me as 'Fatso'. It left a very large dent in my psyche.

02  Have you got a favorite flower?

I'm a big lover of roses. Any roses. Sunflower in the wild are pretty awesome too.

03  Do you add a sauce, ketchup or other artificial flavorings to your food?

Yes. I'm a bogon (redneck) Tomato sauce (ketchup) goes on everything from eggs to barbeque. I like mint sauce on my roast lamb, apple sauce on roast pork and horseradish sauce on roast beef. It's just the way I roll.

04  Describe yourself using only words that begin with the letter 'T'. 

Terrific, terrible, tenacious, troublesome, tranquil, tortured, tough, teasing, tight, toned.... that will do. And I'm all of these sometimes or all the time.

05  What is/was your lover's pet name for you?

I've never really had one of those (pet name, not bloke). Currently bloke occasionally calls me Minx, Trouble or Jezebel. No idea why.

06  What is your least favorite color?

Pink. Really not a fan of pink.

07  Who did you vote for in the last election, and did they win?

Umm, in Australia our system is very different. So at a Federal level, I voted Green for the house of representatives (and he got in) and a mix of Green / Labor / Independent in the Senate, ensuring none of my votes went to conservative factions. Unfortunately, the conservatives hold power - and they are doing a terrible job.

State wise, I voted Labor in the lower house as the opposition were even more woeful that their Federal counterparts and the upper house it was a mix of Reason Party, Greens and Labour.

I like to spread my vote around.

08  What is/was your grandfathers’ names?

I had a Darcy Elliot on Dad's side and a Reginald Lancelot on Mum's side. Needless to say, if my maternal grandfather was alive today he'd be 121. Old names are fun.

09  What is the best present you ever received? 

An airfare to England. Best thing ever.

10  What is 17 1/2% of 97 + 42 x (6 / 2) – 137 ?

Minus 1.925. I used a calculator.

11  What would be the best possible way you could live?

As simply as possible. Preferably with an affectionate, intelligent bloke and a couple of affectionate dogs and cats.

12  Given the choice of absolutely anything, what would be your dream job?  

Writer of novels. Successful writer of novels.

13  What position do you sleep in at night?

I start off sleeping on my stomach - I normally wake up on my side in some way.

14  What is the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you?

Far too many things have happened. I'm forever making an embarrassment of myself. I remember my dress splitting down the back at work one day. That was awful.

15  Who is your favorite fictional character?  

As much as I love Antonio Corelli, I think I love Pelagia more - from Captain Corelli's Mandolin. Alexander Rostov in A Gentleman in Moscow is wonderful too - so loveable.

16  What food do you hate most in the world?

I'm not a fan of the following - wouldn't say hate, I just avoid the following:

  • Bananas
  • Lasagne
  • Nasi Lemak
  • Duck done the Balinese way (Deep fried into oblivion)

The top three have given me food poisoning, the latter is just disgusting.

17  When was the last time you were ill?

Last week - had a minor chest infection. All good now - definitely not coronavirus.

18  If you were transformed into a wild creature, what would it be?

I'd love to be a lion or a tiger. I'm a big fan of cats. I'm just a big cat when it all comes down to it.

19  What was your favorite toy as a child, and whatever happened to it?

I was a big fan of lego. I still am. Mum still has our lego at home in a box, there for when kids come over and it gives them something to play with.

20  What's the most amazing thing you've ever seen?

The current run on toilet paper because of the coronavirus. I've never seen anything so ridiculous in my life. Human stupidity knows no bounds.

Today's song: