Sunday, December 19, 2010

The Precipice

There comes a time in the hero's journey when he must say goodbye to all he has known and take a flying leap into the unknown. This journey can't be taken with others, it has to be done alone This step comes after the ordinary world has been done and dusted, the call to adventure has been rejected at least once and the mentor has been visited and consulted. Well, that is Joseph Campbell's theory... I should take note of this for Rainbow Robertson and her adventures.

Like Frodo Baggins setting into the fires of Mordor or Harry Potter stepping into the Forbidden Forest, I'm sitting here wondering what else life can throw as me after all the stuff I've been through lately, feeling like I'm standing at the edge of a cliff, arms outstretched, eyes wide open, wondering if I should let myself fall.

In the Tarot, this journey is signified by the Fool card. A young man, about to walk off a cliff, everything he needs in his bag on his back, his little white dog by his side. He has choice. He can turn around and walk away if he wishes. If he is brave, and trusts, he will fall off the cliff and leave his fate to the Universe. The number of the card is zero. The beginning and the end. Alpha and Omega. The snake swallowing it's tail.

I will fall. Life will never be the same. I do feel alone, but I know I'm supported.

The thing is, I know this is all good. This is how it's supposed to be.

There's many conflicting emotions running through me at the moment. As calm as I am about leaving Tin Can, String and Whistle, I know that there will be a few tears on leaving. It's been a huge part of my life for the last three years. I love the people there even though I've hated my actual job for the last year. This redundancy is a good thing. I have the luxury of a bit of time and money to go out and find a job I want. Yes, I'm worried about money, but I'm confident in my abilities to get another role.

It's a balancing act between standing and falling. Just like the Fool.

The want list is set for the new job, whenever it arrives, but hopefully it won't take too long. If I don't find most of these features on the list, I won't take the job - good money, good people, centrally based, a role with lots to do, but not so busy that it will take more than eight hours to complete my tasks. Ethical people, preferably in a mixed environment. Well, they're the main things. If there's a little travel interstate or overseas and the ability to work from home occassionally, even better. I'm really not wanting to work in an office full of women, staring at a computer screen, doing the same thing every day.

I also look at the week ahead of me. Tomorrow I have a leaving lunch at a pub local to work. Tuesday I'm going to my big boss's, Geerrt, for dinner - mainly to meet the cat I'll be looking after when I get back. Wednesday, leave work with as much grace as I can muster. Thursday, drive the 800 kilometres back to Adelaide. Friday, sit in my mother's living room and read a book.

I think this about all I will be able to do by then. Read a book, drink wine, wake up snuggled up to my sister's Golden Retriever, Bozley, maybe take my nieces to the pictures. This is about all I expect out of Christmas. Some much needed chill time.

On my return to Melbourne I can start to think about this brave new world I'm about to enter.


The Plastic Mancunian said...

Hi Pandora,

I'm sure everything will be fine. Just think of it as a new adventure.

I just wish I could have one ...




Kath Lockett said...

You are an inspiration in how you see things, how you approach things and, ultimately, how things WILL work out for you.

Enjoy your last few days at work - have a good cry and then realise that you are leaving a job that you hated and they. have. to. stay.

(Absolutely agree with you about not wanting to work in an office full of women - that's on my 'no thanks' list too!)

Pandora Behr said...

Thanks for that. I know all will be fine. Currently plotting my January of writing and swimming and going to the gym - along with job hunting. It really is quite exciting - whenI'm not freaking out.