As I've still not heard a definite yay or nay about this two month contract, which is frustrating to say the least. This means that I'm going to continue to look for work while hoping that soon - very soon, all of this will be sorted. It's annoying to say the least - but then again, I've always worked for corporates where there's a real "Oh, just do it!" mentality. I'm told that the government works in mysterious ways.
I'm not sure if I like these ways.
Regardless, I'll keep plugging on sending my CV out, talking to pimps and hoping beyond hope, that something comes up soon, as I'm going a bit stir crazy at the moment.
At least there are a few things going my way. I don't have cabin fever - I'm too busy to be at home that much. My fitness is going through the roof - you can bounce coins off my bum now.
I'm also thankful for the career consultant's office which I can use for job hunting. I tend to go in here a few times a week to do my job hunting. Other than it's air conditioned, it's also right in the centre of the city, so it feels like I'm "going to work", even if I'm not. It gives a great sense of continuity.
What isn't making me feel any better is a task the 12 Week Body Transformation Challenge has set me. What are my goals? What is it that I want to achieve?
Argh - I'm not good at this. In my normal state I'm a bit of a Holly Golightly. No, I'm not a Truman Capote high-end hooker - I just tend to be a bit of a drifter. A stable, over-achieving drifter, I've tended to fall into things in the past. I'm very good at falling on my feet - a lot of this is knowing that failure is not an option as there's nobody in my life other than me to support me, feed me, clothe me, keep a roof over my head. It's a bit scary, but it's true - and this doesn't lead to setting good goals - you tend to take what you can get so you know that you have money coming in.
So in this challenge, they've asked us what are goals are - mainly around diet and exercise. Oh this is all a bit confronting on many levels. For me, I know I get to about 7 kgs lighter than I am now and everything falls in a heap. This is a cycle I have to break if I want to get to my goal weight, some 29 kilos away. Thankfully, the tactic is to go 5 kgs at a time. Much more manageable, far less daunting yet it still gives me something to work towards.
They're also asking for what are your exercise goals. Okay, this one isn't so scary. I can do exercise goals as I know how to kick butt with them.
And then, on top of this, there are life goals. What is it you want to achieve?
So my poor little head is in a state of utter confusion at the moment.
I talked about this with Glen Waverley at lunch the other day. It was time for the Glen Waverley pep talk.
He's good at that.
"So, what makes a goal and what makes a dream?" I asked him. I like asking Glen Waverley such questions - he gives me a completely different perspective on things. Engineers are good for alternative views, especially as I'm the airy-fairy one.
"Goals are achieveable things - things you can set plans in place so you get what you want. Dreams are something that you'd love, but probably have no chance of getting."
"But I had a dream of going to Spain two years ago - no idea how that was going to happen - and it just did - won that trip, saved up and there I was."
"Yeah, but you're a bit of a freak of nature in that way."
"Okay, so goals are something I can set a plan for. Hmm."
We talked some more. I know he has a few dreams that I wish could come through for him.
"So, come on Pand, what are these goals and dreams?"
"Hmm, okay, running the 2012 New York Marathon. Seems like a dream to me."
Stupid thing is, I know that if I put the training in - a sensible, long term, incremental training plan - I can run a marathon (that and getting my right knee able to tolerate impact again). I just want to do the New York one because I want to spend some more time in New York as well as go see Reindert and Corazon. I have the airmiles to go there as well. I can save up.
"You've proven that's a goal. What else?" Glen Waverley asked.
"I have a goal of buying a new to me car by April."
"That will be achieveable once you have a job."
"You've got the plan together."
"Umm, maybe buying a property."
"What's stopping you?"
"Well, for starters, not having a job, not having quite enough equity.."
I teared up at this stage. This is big block of mine. The biggest reason I don't own property - there is nobody else to live in it with me. Simple as that - I've never wanted to own property without somebody else in there. Friends and family have tried to convince me to look at it as an investment - I just see a place that I have to live in alone - and it hurts to much. I know in my head that isn't the case - but I just have to get my heart and gut to believe it.
Glen Waverley let that one go.
"Okay, next goal."
"Well, get a job by the end of February."
"You'll do that."
"Should do, if the cardigan-wearing bureaucracy get their act together. If not, something else will turn up."
"Okay. What about dreams. What are your dreams?"
I now about a few of Glen Waverley's dreams - but they are his and not for me to discuss here. I know owning a Porsche as his primary vehicle is one of them - but Merijn won't let him.
"And you Pand - what are these dreams of yours?"
"What, other than to be the next JK Rowling?"
"Yes. And I know that you can make the writing a goal, not a dream."
Hmmm. He overestimates me.
"Getting married is a dream of mine."
"That's a goal, Pand."
"It's a dream."
"Nope, it's a goal."
We had the dream/goal argument as we walked back to his office. I think he's wrong here. Effing Engineers.
What do they know?