It occurs to me that I am a month off my birthday and I feel like I've done nothing with my life in the last year. I'm sitting here, almost 43 and wondering when things are going to change. I want things to change. I believe things haven't changed - but they have - and in so many ways.
Stupid thing is,when I shove it down on paper, it looks like Ilve done a lot - but the classic overacheiver in me thinks I've done nothing.
I mark it down:
I've travelled around the world.
I've run through some amazing places - the woods out the back of Boston being one of those places
I've gloried at some incredible art
I've seen some great films
I've found my spiritual home in Toledo, Spain
I've worked out that I could live in other places in the world - Boston, Massachussetts and London, England begin two of those places
I've had nearly four months off in which I've lost a lot of weight and gained a hell of a lot of self respect
I've got out of a dead end job which was destroying my soul
I've faced a couple of large demons and come out for the better the other end
I've learned the value of brilliant friends
I've overcome injury, surgery and illness
I've worked out how to bounce back pretty quickly
I've worked out how to let go of other people's dramas
I've realised that being a part of other people's dramas only takes away your power - valuable, valuable lesson
I've worked out how not to get involved in other people's dramas even when it may upset the person at hand.
I've worked out that being generous is great when you know that there is no cost to yourself
I've fallen very heavily out of love - and this is a very good thing
I've finally cleared my heart of a lot of excess baggage
I've worked out that sugar is bad for me and I shouldn't do it - but it's like a drug
I know now that ice cream has to be taken in moderation
I've worked out that preparation is often key too a good outcome
I've found confidence in my body after 40 years
I know now that walking to work is some of the best therapy around
I also know that having friends to coax you along the path to fitness makes exercise more fun and rewarding
I now know the value of being a grumpy cow - when required
I know that taking two nurofen after a long running race will make your legs feel better sooner
I know that training four to five days a week makes me feel good so there is no reason to stop
I have realised that trying to help people who wont help themselves is as productive as trying to milk a chicken .
I've finally, finally, realised that if I'm not nice to myself nobody else will be nice to me either
So maybe you do find the meaning of life at 42!
But there is a part of me that asks, "Now what?" What do you want now? Come on, what is it you really want? What do I want to acheive?
Well, I have to put it somewhere and in no apparent order.
I want to go a lovely restaurant and partake in a degustation menu - never done that before. Looks fun. Now to find the friends to do it with.
Maybe jump out of a plane - a tandem job. Was considering a tandem paraglide but have changed my mind in the last year or so.
I want to go to Thailand for a week or two again. Like Thailand. Thailand is great. $10 massages that make you weep. Brilliant.
I really would love to get a cat
But if I get a cat, I need a new place that will let me have a cat - and besides - where will the Maow Maow go when Blarney and Barney go away?
And if i get a new place - what am I looking for. Other than inner city, with a car park and a place for the cat to do it's business. No garden - hate gardening.
I need to get my finances in better shape. On the plus side, I have no debt and I have money in the bank - on the bad side, I don't have any assets - time to accumulate.
I want to run a full marathon next year - crazy yes - but I only have to do it once.
I really want to give a real relationship a try. Have no idea how or when this might happen, but it's my turn now. It's about time I got my own real family - though my own one in Adelaide is fine and my friends are my family, I would love somebody to go home to at night, somebody who is kind and caring who I can take turns with to make the coffee in the morning.
I'd like to own my own home outright.
I want to take a change in career into something that makes my heart sing a bit more.
I want to make more money - lots more money - in an ethical way
I nnet to learn how to fully accept abundance
I want to replace my car with a new to me 2-3 year old five door, black Mazda 2 (must check with Geertt if he still wants Andrew)
I want to lose the last 10 kgs of excess weight I have on my frame. All in good time, but it's time to do this. I'm very much on the right track.
I want to stick to this hippy diet 90% of the time - it seems to be working well for me
I want to write a book - and make lots of money off it. Oh to be the next JK Rowling
I need to take Blarney and her bairns to Melbourne Zoo in the near future - I owe them a birthday present
Perhaps I could enrol to study Law in my spare time since the dream of being a Doctor is just a little too far out of reach - especially without a lottery win
I want to de-clutter my flat more
I would like to live overseas for a few months - every time I do this I love it - just putting it out there
Three locations - Macchu Pittchu, Wat Doi Suthep, Chiang Mai, Thailand, Santiago de Compostela - well a girl has to dream. Add Rajasthan, the Taj Mahal and Dharamsala to that list too.
Thing is - when I put this stuff out there, somehow things start to happen. I remember sitting at my 41st birthday with friends saying that I wanted to go to Spain, but I had no idea how the hell I ws going to get there. A few months later, I won a round the world ticket.
Nothing like putting stuff out there.