You think it would be easy after all this time in the group. You have a dream, You give a dream and then you have a week to go through the consequences. For those who've seen me through the process, you know that there is a bit of a process in working through a dream. Normally, I'm cactus the day after, processing what ever has gone one, then things get better. It is a confronting, thought provoking, at times angering, at times calming. You never know what is going to go on until you get there. You never know how it's going to effect you.
So last Wednesday I ended up giving my dream. One that I'd had in the morning and one that left me rather perplexed. It's a bit of shit of a dream, when you think about it. Worse than the Tony Abbott one from a few months ago. Worse than being on a fishing boat in the middle of a swirling sea with the hold full of dead, frozen men wearing the dress of Communist China. Worse than being an invisible person at the funeral of a friend.
The dream, I was with two friends in the Gina Rinehart's apartment at night stealing some of her dinner service - three side plates that were stainless steel, very ornate plates that were in the pattern of the Sun God figure from the Roman Baths at Bath. The three of us left but we were intercepted by the police. We told the police that were going to give the plates back.
Strange dream. That I was dreaming of Gina Rinehart scares me somewhat. The stainless steel (though they were very dull for stainless steel) plates got to me as they were in the pattern of a a Roman Sun God that I know from a wall in the Roman Baths in bath. That they were stainless steel and not sterling silver seemed a bit strange. Stainless steel is clinical, it's used in surgery, it takes out the smell of garlic from your hands.
Then there was the talk of the dream. Discussions about me stealing a bit of power, not feeling worthy of being powerful, not having any permanence, my absolute fear of commitment. Lots of stuff came up - and all of it has been resonating, chewing over and keeping me awake at night for a bit. Not that Gina Rinehart was in the dream - but it was her place and I was stealing her things. And then there is Bath, and the Sun God, that I remember sitting in front of for a long time the last time I was there.
When we look at dreams we look at the people in them. Like Gina Rinehart. I try not to think about her an how she's raping the countryside and gathering wealth at the rate of knots. I find her a rather sad character, one that warrants some pity. A daughter of a wealthy man, forever proving herself as the son he didn't have (yes, I know that's ringing a few bells). A woman who's alienated most of her family. A woman who's not overly feminine. A woman who appears to not fit in completely in any world she inhabits, even though she's a paragon of the corporate world. Other words that got bandied around were evil, screwed up, lonely, sociopathic... some of these words I can apply to myself - some I can't. It's a bit hard admitting that there's a lonely sociopath inside you. I'll admit to this one. Family trait.
As for Bath, why would that come up? I love Bath - the city in the South of England. I've been there three times. Studied it at University. It has healing waters. It's a beautiful city.
It's also about the only place I've been on holiday with a boyfriend. I've been there twice with a boyfriend in tow - different boyfriends, different years. Still, it took me a while to work that out. The last time I was there in 2010, a friend was talking about coming with me, but that didn't happen. Bath is a city of promises, some broken, and memories, mostly good. That was another thing that came up in the group - my almost pathological fear of commitment in all forms. I won't even commit to getting a cat - though in my defence, I travel a lot and I don't think it would be fair in the creature.
This dream group can be very befuddling.
I've been keeping an eye on myself over the week and discovered a few things:
I comfort eat after I've been around hospitals - even visiting them.
Exercise is a drug - and a good one at that.
I prefer it when my flat is semi-clean.
The thought of seeing a financial adviser later in the week is about as palatable as having two-yearly pap smear with a cold speculum.
I have no concept of what it is to be in a long term relationship - not ever being in one I just don't have a clue.
Friday night movies are the best way to chill out after a hard week.
Sleep fixes almost everything.
Unless you have Gina Rinehart in your dreams.
I'm interested in seeing where this takes me.