I apologise for not being around too much.
Other than work, planning a holiday and going to the gym, I've been getting angry.
I'm a bit over out gutless mainstream media. Over it. Puerile, soft, gutless and irresponsible. Especially around politics. So I've been thinking of questions I'd like to ask. I compile a lot of lists, I'm a Virgo variant - lists are my thing.
One thing I've been doing in a little notebook is compiling a list of questions to our current Prime Minister.
Not that he can answer a question directly, not without a script, but I've been thinking about what I would love some good journalists to ask him, without fear of reprisals, for it appears that this is what life is like for journalists interviewing pretty much any member of our cabinet at the moment. "Operational Matters" seems to be the catch phrase.
How about "We're doing some really crap stuff, but we're not going to own up to it." The four-year-old's standard response for misbehaving.
So, my questions for our Prime Minister. Be warned, unlike the super-friendly, rollover for money Shock Jocks or the seriously tamed down Leigh Sales, I would have none of it. Goad him like Lisa Wilkinson I say (who appears to not be allowed to interview him after this effort - they pass him to the simpering Karl Stefanovic, who shot to fame interviewing Grumpy Cat. - Tell me which would you prefer?
Lisa going for the throat? (They've taken down the interview where she tears strips off him over asylum seekers. He looked like more of a dick than normal in that interview.)
Or Karl having more luck with Grumpy Cat?
Seriously, this is what Australian journalism has come to?
Mind you, ask a serious question and you get shot down as the Guardian's Bridie Jabour found out.
Personally, I think the more we hold ALL of our politicians firmly to account at all times.
So here are my questions. Maybe I should submit a few to Q&A.
1. How much botox have you had in the last year?
2. When you're finally convicted of crimes against humanity and/or treason, who do you want to share your cell with? Scott Morrison or Christopher Pyne?
3. If 97 doctors told you that you had cancer, and three said you didn't which set of doctors would you believe? If this is the case, why are you reticent to put your faith in climate science?
4. When the last fruit tree is ploughed into the ground in the Riverina, what do you expect the farmers to do for a living?
5. Hypothetical - and this is purely hypothetical as I wish this on nobody. If one of your daughters was to be raped and then fall pregnant, what would you expect her to do? Abort, adopt or keep the baby?
6. Who is going to save Nemo now that you've fucked over the Great Barrier Reef well and good?
7. When are you going to get some elocution lessons?
8. When are we going to get a Minister for Science - a proper one?
9. When are you going to send Julie Bishop to diplomacy school?
10. When are you going to replace the Union Jack on the Australian Flag with the Swastika?
11. How come you'll give money for tourism in a marginal seat that ultimately will lead to obesity and diabetes, but not support and Australian industry that employs thousands and promotes healthy foods?
12. When are you going to find an Environment Minister that believe that the environment is worth saving?
13. What does an octogenarian's penis taste like?
14. Why are you hell bent on keeping 90% of the population stupid?
15. You claim to be the "Infrastructure Prime Minister." A national broadband network with fast speeds to the bulk of the country is infrastructure. Why can't you see this, or are you that much of a luddite that your Telstra dial up is still doing you well?
16. What is Christopher Pyne still the Education Minister when he clearly has no interest in education? At all? Three years in opposition in the shadow role. Two questions. NOT GOOD ENOUGH! After the Gonski fuck up he should have been sacked immediately.
17. Why have you not completely distanced yourself from Cory Bernardi, or is there any truth in the rumour that you ghost wrote his book?
18. When are you going to send Bronwyn Bishop to Speaker School where she can learn about being fair and balanced.
19. In criticizing the ABC for having a left-wing bias, is this bringing back memories of school yard bullying where the smart kids ganged up on you and you tried to get them to apologise after you stole their lunch money?
20. Why can you direct millions of dollars to sporting grounds but not spare funds for legal aid for indigenous people? Can't sporting clubs, like chocolate factories pay their own way?
21. Once all the coal has gone, the reef turned to mush, the Tasmanian forest floor boards in yuppie flats and Rupert and Gina are dead and buried, what is going to happen to Australia then? Will they be calling each other on their copper connections to whine about the three-month-long 50 degree summers in Adelaide?
22. What does it feel like to be responsible for dragging Australia's name through the mud on the international stage?
23. As an economic migrant yourself, when are you going to fuck off back to where you came from?
24. Of the situation in Sri Lanka, you said of torture something along the lines that "extraordinary things happen in hard times." (Sorry, can't remember the exact quote.) Please explain how any form of torture is acceptable at any time? And why did we give a nation that tortures it's citizens fishing boats to reign in their people?
25. Are you and Margie still together? She hasn't been seen by your side in a very long time.
26. When you are gone, are you, like your predecessor John Howard, going to stay the hell away from us? (Thank goodness that happened)
27. Have you paid back the 100K or so you spent on swanning round the country doing triathlons? Public record puts it at about that amount? You said that the age of entitlement is over - why should we pay for you to swan about in lycra and ride your bike around the country.
28. When are you going to ask Joe Hockey to have his lap band removed? He was a lot nicer before he had the operation.
29. When are we going to get a proper Minister for Women? Sorry, but you don't cut the mustard.
30. What part of the separation of Church and State written into our laws in ambiguous to you.
31. Why, in your eyes, can't their be faith and science, cohabiting in the same world? Did you have a particularly heinous chemistry teacher in year 11 or something that put you off? (I know I had this yeti impersonator for year 11 physics. I failed the subject, but still respect its use as a science.)
32. If Mary and Joseph were to arrive in Australia on a leaky Indonesian fishing boat, where would you send them? Who in the nativity would you be? The Narky inkeeper? Herod? Please enlighten us.
33. The Bible is a book that was originally written in Latin and Aramaic and translated hundreds of times over the years. Like Chinese Whispers, don't you think you might have lost a bit in translation when it comes to being honest, fair and kind. I'm sure the Bible has things to say on this.
34. Why, like it seems a lot of conservative middle aged men, do you feel the need to tell women what to do with their bodies?
35. When are you going away and staying away?
Okay, spleen vented. If anybody gets a straight answer to any of these questions, please let me know.
Disobedience is the true foundation of liberty. The obedient must be slaves.
Henry David Thoreau