Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Attacking Excuses

Well, Sweet F.A. Day was such a success I reckon I'll try to schedule one in every fortnight. It was a bit of a revelation. Okay, so I ended up taking in an eleven kilometre walk, did some job stuff, went to the gym and did some cleaning - not really doing nothing, but I did it on my own, in my own time, with nobody around asking for my time, advice or energy. It was wonderful. People contact was done on my terms. I came out of the day feeling refreshed and happy. It also set me up for a new set of challenges.

I really have no excuse to not do it again soon.

I've started to look at my excuses for why I don't do things. Most of it comes down to unfounded fear.

In my New Year's Resolution to do something I've never done once a week, it was time to face the biggest gym fear of all. Body Attack.

In my gym career to date I've tended to stick with that which I know about. Pushing weights, seeing Pinochet, cardio machines, rowing, Pump class, running and of course, spinning class. All good. Yet the two classes they offer at my gym more than others were the ones I've never been to - BodyCombat and BodyAttack.

When I went to Combat last week I loved every minute of it.

So when Kitt texted saying I should come to Attack on Monday, I jumped at the chance. If I could do Combat, surely I could do Attack - well that was the theory.

There were a few bonuses to going to this class. Firstly, the instructor, Claire, is a favorite from Sunday morning Pump - that made things feel a little better - knowing Claire, I immediately felt supported - she's used to seeing me rock up just as the doors are closing on Sunday. And allegedly, Kitt would be nearby to make sure I didn't get up to too much mischief..

Secondly, after the experience of BodyCombat - knowing I could do the class and not die, why shouldn't attack be the same? Okay, from the outside it looks like a sponsored group epileptic fit - but maybe it wouldn't be that bad? I could only try. I let Claire know about my current knee problem, she said she'd give me lower impact stuff to do. Then I looked around for Kitt. She wasn't there. Bummer. Would have to go this one alone.

Turns out, once again, my fears were unfounded. Once again, I had a ball. Once again, I kept up well and wasn't a hyperventilating wreck at the end of the class. Once again my fears proved unfounded.

I saw Kitt come in the gym through the corner of my eye. She didn't stop to wave, so I gathered she hadn't saw me. We caught up later - I had to thank her for getting me there in the first place.

So in the past three weeks, I've taken a baby for swimming lessons, done a Body Combat and Body Attack class - what other new things will I find to do now?

So if I'm looking at all my fears, and the excuses I have that keep me from reaching my goals I suppose I have to look at the elephant in the room. Weight loss.

With all of the focus on diet and exercise over the last month, I'm half wondering why I did this - but Ive decided I need to tackle a few demons in my road to reaching a healthy weight.

I'm the first one to pat myself on the back for a start. In the last few years I'm managed to keep 20 kilograms off my frame, get really fit and begin to see myself as something more than a fat, lazy, ugly blob. Since Christmas, I've been back on the wagon - being brilliant with what I eat, keeping my exercise up and losing a few kilos - which feels great. Yet I still feel there needs to be a bit more structure.

In keeping with challenging myself, I've signed up for the Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation Challenge. It's something some of the girls from the Biggest Loser Club are doing to give ourselves a kick up the bum - and I've joined them.

The program starts in earnest on the 21st of February, but in the meantime, we've been set some homework to prepare ourselves for the task ahead. The first task - look at the excuses you make for not losing weight, or not getting to your goals.

Hmm. Well. let me see. What are my excuses for not losing weight. Not exercising. Not getting down to my goal weight. I'm doing all these things - I've been doing all these things (though the last six months of last year wasn't pretty - but you have to know when to calm it down)

My excuses, it appears, all comes down to fear.

I know I tend to use the busy excuse at times for not exercising - but I know how to come out of this one well. I can't use the no time to cook excuse any more. The last few weeks have got me back into the good habits again. I also don't have the all or nothing approach any more. Fall off the horse as little as possible and get straight back on again - none of this, "Well, I've been bad today, may as well continue" rubbish. Treats, such as the odd bit of ice cream, are also factored in in strict moderation.

So what's my problem? What's my greatest fear about losing weight. After a lot of soul searching , it comes down to two things. I have no concept of what it is to be slender (I'm not using the words thin or skinny - I want to be healthy - not anorexic) The last time I was around my goal weight was during first year university - where I was told to lose ten kilos by the uni doctor - I remember being so humiliated, I never went back there.

The second is more insidious. I get scared when I feel attractive. I don't know how to cope with this. I remember a boss of mine struggling with this - and I know last time I was down around my slimmest two years ago I was feeling the same thing. There was more attention. There were positive comments. There were furtive looks, flirting even. I could buy flattering clothes. And I didn't cope that well.

It seems this is what I have to start dealing with. Conquer these fears and maybe the rest will follow.

Just how I'm going to do this, I have no idea - but at least I know what the fears and excuses are now. That is the true start of the battle. Wish me luck.

On a less angst-ridden theme, the rest of life is moving on nicely. The job hunting is beginning to pay dividends. I've got an interview with the Department of Education for a two month contract tomorrow. Recruitment Consultants are calling back now, so hopefully they will be finding me something suitable soon. I'm hopeful. I feel that employment isn't too far away. The cards are looking good regardless.

As for the situations in the last blog, well, there's been nothing more from Lorelei. I've banished that one from my head - the less said the better.

My aunt, on the other hand, is still very poorly. It's a dreadful situation - she's not improving at the moment. At least I have my sympathy back now and can feel bad for her - and send love to my Uncle and his family. In such a situation, you can't do much more. My heart goes out to them.

The situation puts a lot of things in perspectives. My demons are small compared to what other people are going through at the moment. Because of this I've got no excuse to hunt them down and conquer them.



JK said...

Great comments Pandora
I love your attitude about the gym and facing your fears, that is brilliant. I very much admire this.
Relate to all the rest too - know what it's all like, every bit of it. Excellent work!

Kath Lockett said...

You are sooooo on your way to where you want to be, Pand. Just continue as you are - honest, no excuses and heaps of effort. It's never easy and, as my daughter Sapphire is finding out, is a life-time commitment. All utterly worth it though.

And yes, as per your request, I do sincerely wish you luck!

River said...

I need to attack an excuse of my own. Just not sure yet how I'll go about it.