Monday, December 26, 2011

Pussy Logic

I've been spending a lot of time with my pussy over the last few days and I've come to the conclusion that the pussy knows everything and if it wasn't so small and allegedly insignificant, pussy would rule the world.

Pussy knows that demanding attention will get results in the short term, but will leave you in peace later, when you need it.

Pussy knows that the ultimate goal of demanding attention is personal satisfaction. Nothing more, nothing less.

Pussy realises that sticking your head in something where not really supposed to be is about the bestest thing in the world, after stroking and being stuffed to satisfaction.

Pussy has worked out that being stroked has more benefits for the stroker than the strokee.

Pussy knows that it's a god given right to be fed on demand - even if it never almost happens in reality.

Pussy believes that trying to be helpful is all that you need to be, even if it entails being a complete pain in the arse.

Pussy comprehends that unconditional love can be shown by being standoffish, antsy and by playing hard to get.

Pussy knows the value of a well-timed guilt trip.

Pussy has worked out that other than sleep, the best thing in the world is cuddles and being stuffed.

Pussy knows that the best way to get out excess energy is to jump around until your exhausted, and then play dead.

Pussy knows the value of a well-timed inappropriate present. The earlier, the better.

Pussy realised that putting yourself right where you're going to get stepped on will lead to unexpected joys.

Pussy knows that being annoying outweights the benefits of being silent or hidden.

Pussy knows the value of silent companionship.

See just how beautifully logical the pussy can be.


Thanks Maow Maow.

And here you were thinking I was talking about something else...

p.s. I'm under strict instructions to write about happy, outward-looking, sunshine, lollpops and daisies for a while. Does anybody know where I can get some prozac? It's against my nature.

3 comments:

The Elephant's Child said...

Pussy logic resonated in this cat-run household. If you find the cheerfulnes shop can you post its address (though I suspect that those of us who need it would avoid it)>

Kath Lockett said...

Cats have it all figured out. Dogs, too.

Don't knock the prozac - if it works, it works.... :)

Jackie K said...

Oh the spam you are going to cop from that post...!
Sunshine, lollypops etc - just means whatever makes you happy. Like your pussy.

PS Agree with Kath, and must confess Zoloft saved my life!