I wish I wasn't a people-pleaser.
I wish I had the guts to say no more.
I wish I hadn't opened my consultancy email the other day, where there was an email from the Executive Assistant which went along the lines of,"Hey Pand, you're up for a bit of fun. Do you want to go in the BRW Corporate Triathalon? Let me know."
The EA is not somebody you say no to. She's lovely, but she's got this way of looking at you which beats you down in ten seconds.Most of the people at the consultancy have this feature. You just don't appear to mind doing things for them. You know what it's like. " Jump off a cliff. Yeah. Sure. Drink battery acid. No problem."
I was due to check in at the consultancy later that morning, so I said I'd have a think and give her an answer when I go there. Arriving at the office, I had a chat to the EA. She said I could try on the uniforms for size. Hmmm. Go on, she said, looking at me with a look that would give Bambi a run for his money.
I put up objections about maybe not working at the consultancy in March as my contract was days off finishing. Didn't matter she said - I was part of the consultancy family (something I love about the consultancy) Besides, I participated in the other BRW race.
After a few more minutes I ran out of excuses. She gave me her best full on Bambi look and I was unable to say no.
So effectively, I've been press ganged into my first triathlon. 400 metre swim. Ten kilometre cycle. Four kilometre run. To be held down in Elwood Beach on 4 March.
I have never had the desire to participate in a triathlon. Never. Zip. Nada. Never appealed to me at all. Triathlons are for grunty boys with much to prove. And Tony Abbott. (Bleargh)
Looking at this, it is a doable challenge.
Okay, the running component isn't a problem. No worries at all. My normal training runs are between five and seven kilometres at the moment which are about to be built up to regular tens again. No issue at all.
If I get myself into a pool now twice a week, the swim wont be a problem - I'm a competent, confident swimmer - I've got no style, I'm not very fast, but I can beat out a kilometre in a pool without too much hassle. This is open water, but it's only 400 metres and there are plenty of other people for the sharks to bite in the water at the same time. Open water isn't my favorite water to swim in, but ah, plenty of people to save me if I start to drown.
The cycle section.
The last time I rode a bike was in 1991.
I used to be able to ride a bike. I'm not bad at spin class. But spin class doesn't entail wearing a silly hat and having your butt bruised by pot holes and it's hard to go over the handlebars in spin class.
Jonella has offered to loan me a bike. I'm not sure where I will get one of those silly bike hats from (I'm told they're called helmets). I'm also thankful that I live near a heap of bike trails and I won't have to practice on the road - I can't put me on a road with a bike. Traffic scares the hell out of me - but I should be okay on the bike path, away from the traffic. The bike can live in my spare room while I have it in my custody. And after the race, I won't have to ride one again.
But the swim, the cycle and the run aren't the things that scare me the most.
These are far more banal than that.
First issue. I have to wear lycra in public. This is not something I consider doing lightly as it is not a pretty sight. Nobody is a pretty sight in lycra.
Second issue. How am I supposed to run in aforesaid lycra uniform? I have to double bra to run normally - one industrial strength scaffold arrangement on the bottom and a crop top over it to give a bit of stability. If I run without two bras I end up with black eyes. Like being in lycra, not running with proper support is really not a pretty sight. A stray boob could knock somebody out.
Third issue. After swimming in the sea, in a lycra uniform and two bras, wont like the grains of sand stick and basically chafe you to kingdom come? I hate chub rub at the best of times, but this is just asking for it.
Fourth issue. What if Greenpeace is about? Will they throw me back in the sea after the swim.
And before you rag me about self-deprecating humour, Greenpeace are nice to dolphins too. I'm no longer a small whale. I like to think of myself as a dolphin. Nicely rounded with just enough blubber to keep me warm.
Goddess, give me strength... Training starts Saturday with two laps of the 1000 steps and either a boxing class or a swim.
Ah well, at least it will get my exercise fully back on track.