I looked at the calendar today and nearly had a fit.
What do you mean that Christmas is only a month away? Like how the hell did that happen?
Okay, Christmas and I don't have a great relationship. Christmas has a traditional meaning for me of things like stress, disappointment and loneliness. Stressing about Christmas used to be a debilitated affair that took over the month of July. Since I've decided that going away or spending Christmas with friends works a lot better for me, I've been reigning in morose feelings about this time of year - but I still have times of gentle freak outs which send me diving for a day.
I had a Christmas freak out in the middle of this week - and again last night. Nothing major. I didn't find myself a sobbing, mess - more a gentle melancholy took over me. Adding to this the fact that I couldn't go to the gym last week.
The gym has become my way of dealing with the excess emotions. A couple of friends who got told told of my glumness said for me to try and rationalise out these feelings - but I know from experience that this is nowhere near as effective as out-racing myself in spin class, pumping weights, going for a run or bashing the crap out of a personal trainer (boxing is particularly effective) Rather than think things out, I'd rather get into my body and feel things and resolve it that way.
Thankfully, the back injury is nearly fixed. I'm still not going do run or do any impact stuff for another week, but I managed an upper body session with Pinochet on Saturday and Body Pump today with reduced weights. It felt strange doing a 17.5 kg squat track and 10 kgs for the back (normally 25-27.5 and 15-17 kgs) but it did feel great to be moving again - even if the body is objecting, complaining with all sorts of sore muscles.
Regardless, it's a month from Christmas. There are things to do.
Part of me is glad that I get out of Christmas in Adelaide. I'm working up until Christmas Eve - getting back to Adelaide would be painful to say the least.
Talking of work, I'm in a bit of a state of flux at the moment. I'm hopefully finding out if they're extending my contract at the end of next week. I'm hoping that I get extended for another three months, taking me over the January dry period and letting me finish the job that I started. Here's hoping.
So I'm working on my anti-Advent calendar. Things to do by the end of the years. Things that will make me believe that I'm getting some stuff done rather than feel like I'm just floating. Things to keep me occupied while I try and forget that this Christmas thing is going on around me.
So here we go, an Anti-Advent list.
1) Finally replace that passport. It only expired eleven months ago.
2) Obtain a new lap top - this is depended on the job situation. If I keep my contract I'll go shopping for a new laptop soon. If not, I'll hang out til I know what is going in with work - it's a months rent or something I'd like, but don't NEED - well not just yet anyway. The day is approaching.
3) Start running again - again, I have to give it a week. Then start anew. I miss running.
4) Make cassatas for Christmas and Boxing Days. Christmas this year will be spent with Blarney, Barney, the boys, the Maow Maow and a mix of other Xmas orphans. I will blog about the cassata later, but it is one of the few things that I make better than my mum.
5) For days that I'm not going on, stick to no more than 1500 calories a day.
6) Get the flat tidy. Really clean and tidy.
7) The the Adelaide 'presents' off in the mail by 10 December. I say presents in inverted commas as my sister has requested gift vouchers for everybody. Yes, it makes it easier, but it takes the fun out of buying presents.
8) Embark on a 40 days of fitness. Get exercising daily from here on in.
9) Under no circumstances are chips, chocolate or donuts to pass my lips until Xmas day. Period. These things have slipped into my diet lately - no more.
10) Try and get to a movie a week. Find the time to go to a movie a week more importantly.
11) Try to not screw up my nose when Christmas gets mentioned. Just try. Doesn't mean I will suceed.
12) Clean up my current hard drive.
13) Look to writing 500 words that aren't work or blog.
14) Have a dream I can take to dream group sometime in the next three weeks. Viv is on my case.
15) Save money - lots of money.
16) Have the car detailed again - I did this a few months ago and it feels good to have a clean car inside and out. It got a bath today to get the bird poo off it, but I reckon taking it to a place where it gets washed and polished every six months is a good thing.
17) Once I know what is going on with my contract, plan a real holiday. This will probably involve obtaining a new passport and spending money, but it need to be done.
18) Find out what my coffee table and the right hand side of my couch looks like.
19) Consider re-visiting internet dating. I'm just saying consider it. Doesn't mean I'm going to do it, but this between drinks status is getting wearing.
20) Try and get six hours sleep a night. I have Mrs Squeaky Puss, shoe fetishest and clandestine snorer staying with me. She's good for booting me off my pillow in the middle of the night. She is also good at attempting to rape my shoes. Strange animal. She goes home tomorrow night.
21) Write down everything I eat and the exercise I do - time to get back to accountability stage.
22) See if I can get something published.
23) Ignore Lachlan. Easier said than done.
24) See, if by the end of the year I can pull a 30 kg squat track, a five minute plank and ten full push ups. My plank is around 2.5 minutes, when my back is good the squat track sits at 257.5 kgs and I've got to get over this push up phobia.
25) Get as much refined sugar out of my life as possible. It's not needed.
I think that gives me enough to think about over the next month.
Wish me luck.