Dipping one's toe into the abyss

Dating apps are like a bit like visits to the dentist. A necessary evil that nobody really wants to tackle, but it seems to be a good idea to experience, because you never know the outcome if it all. Thankfully, you know when your dentist says “open wide” they’re probably going to be using a large amount of numb, and after a bit of jiggery pokery, they charge you like a wounded bull and tell you to come back in six months. 

Dating apps are like taking a giant leap of faith into the great unknown. I think of them like The Fool card in the tarot pack. The is a person at the edge of a cliff, they have their life on their backs, a rose in their hand ready to give to the right person and their mates nipping at their heels wondering what the hell they are up to. The Fool can do all sorts of things. They can take a dive off the cliff. They can sit down and let their feet dangle over the edge and contemplate the world. They can chuck their bundle into the abyss and run away very fast in the other direction. 

I will confess to doing a little internet dating last year, but that was for research purposes. The last time I went on a "date", from memory, was in around 2007. A six-week relationship ensued. It was over before it began. I still feel funny going down Smith Street in Collingwood. 

Online dating is very scary, although others might disagree. It’s a minefield. I mean, which platform do you use? Bumble? Hinge? Tinder? Plenty of Fish? eHarmony? There are so many out there, how do you work out which platform is for you? 

Then there’s the setting up of your profile. How are you going to represent yourself? What photos do you put out there? And what if you're like me and hate having your photo taken? What do you do? Are you like me and find one or two photos of fun things you've done, or a photo of your cat? What if there are no really good photos of you. 

Once you get past the photo checks, then you have to get down to the business of what you're after in a relationship. You've got to state if you after one of the following: 

• A life partner
• A long-term relationship
• A short-term relationship
• A fling
• Or are you trying to define what sort of relationship you're after. 

Then there's the straight, gay, queer thing. This isn't an issue so much. I know I'm straight, but I'm open to friendship with people who identify as queer or gay. 

Then they ask you to answer a heap of questions. 

It's selling yourself. 

It's hard. 

You need a thick skin and your self-worth intact. 

As a fan of the Instagram page, Bad Dates of Melbourne, I'm fully aware of the crap that's out there. And there's the sleazes, the players, the cretins and the bores. 

And there's no place there where you can say, "Hey, I'm after meeting somebody who's a good, kind and nice person, intelligent and funny, who's not going to mess me about, likes movies and art galleries and keeping fit and laughing."  I'm not going to be picky and say I'm after somebody over 175 cms, preferably with no beard, a furry chest and maybe a little bit of hair. I can't dictate about body types. I'm no oil painting, nor do I have an ordinary physique. 

It's all a bit overwhelming. 

Today's song: