The Vyvanse Effect

I took the first round of ADHD meds for a week and then had to stop nearly as soon as I started. My blood pressure went through the roof. It wasn't safe to take them even though I loved the effects on my brain. the clarity and drive were formidable. The lack of food noise amazing - something I've never experienced before. The ability to lose the side quests fantastic. 

But Vyvanse and I parted company after a week even though the bottle of the 20 mg pills sits behind me, teasing me. "You have to raw dog it for the meantime," it chides. It would be nice to be able to take them. There will be other meds to try that don't make you feel like your head is about to blow off.

No meds. I go it alone. 

And although I can't safely take this medicine, I can remember the good effects it had - and not the feeling like somebody was sitting on my chest - but the clear brain, the lack of food noise and the dulled sense of the 15 other things that normally go off in my brain at any given time.

So, today, I had it in my mind, what would Vyvanse let me do. 

It's a lot of mind over matter. 

I made a list (and a shopping list and I had no food in the house after being in Darwin for two weeks.)

There was a lot to get done today. Holiday planning. Changing theatre tickets. Household stuff. 

The trick was going to be not to go on side quests to get this stuff done. I had to subdue these pesky tasks that get in the way of doing other things to completion. 

I also wanted to see if I could get on top of the food noise. 

It was validating to have a conversation with a friend in Darwin who's on Wegovy/Ozempic. 

"I never knew that you didn't have to think about food every hour of the waking day," she told me. 

"I know. How liberating is it? I just wish I could still be on the meds for that reason."

They're also waiting to see a shrink to get an ADHD assessment. 

This clearing of the way, the removal of the side quests. The cutting down the tasks into manageable chunks, and making myself complete the task before moving onto something else - it worked!

Sure, it takes a lot of energy when you don't have the meds to help you regulate, but I did it.

And with the exception of going to the gym, I've completed the list. The ETSAs have been applied for.(You don't need one for the Schengen area at the moment.) I've contacted the people I need to about moving the theatre tickets. The shopping got done and I stuck to the list. Hotels are booked for London. Blog posts were written. 

And it's okay to pretend to be on the meds to get things done. Sure, it might be a bit easier with them, but I did it. I got through a to do list. 

It feels wonderful. 

Today's song: