Dating in your 50's in daunting. So daunting, you wonder why you actually bother, until, after a bit, you remember there are things you might like in your life - or once had and would like to have again. Things like having somebody make you a cup of tea in the morning, or somebody to go to the pictures with, or somebody to fight over the remote with or heaven forbid, somebody who might want to give you a cuddle (that isn't the cat when they're in the right mood, but a human being giving you a cuddle.)
The other thing about internet dating in your 50's is what drives you is a little different. Gone is the desire for either somebody to provide you with babies, a house or a quick shag. In place of this is the desire to find somebody with whom you can have a decent conversations, maybe prepare dinner with, watch some next Netflix and not embarrass you too much when you're out with your mates.
To be completely honest, if you expect nothing more than to go out and have a pleasant afternoon/evening/coffee/drink and that's it, well that is all I'm hoping for - and so far, I've not done too badly. Of the two people I've met online with whom I've met, I've had a pleasant time without needing to continue any contact.
Which is where the stinger comes in. To actually have to get to know somebody, you need to spend a bit more time with them. I was in a workshop over the weekend discussing writing and friendship. One of the speakers was saying that you need to spend 200 hours with a person before you can consider them a true friend. If you take this as a quantifier for friendship, you have no chance of making friends over the internet.
Still, it happens. I've got many friends who've met their partners online.
But am I looking for a partner? Or a friend? Or a fuck buddy? I'm not sure. Play it by ear. See what goes. And again, this is another trap - it's going into these meetings with no set agenda or expectation which keeps you safe and sane. I've learned this one. Your walls stay up. You don't want to get hurt.
Looking back at this, it appears I'm getting better at this first step of actually meeting people online. Okay, middle aged men are not overly inspiring, but there is the argument that middle aged women aren't overly enticing either. But we try to not go for looks. Grey hair is a given now. Balding is what it is - genetics. I'm not overly fond of facial hair - neatly trimmed yes - not into bush ranger beards.Tattoos - yeah, nah. Depends. But looks are not what it's about.
I just want to know how I stop myself overthinking things. Here's a few things that go through my head, just thinking about if I actually clicked with somebody.
- God, do I have to clean the house properly?
- All my underwear is industrial strength, utilitarian Handmaid's Tale stuff - will that be a turn off?
- Will he mind my cooking?
- Will the cat like him?
- Do you you mean I'd have to clean off the junk end of the couch?
- What will the cat think about somebody else sleeping in his bed?
- What if he's nice but I don't like the way he smells / tastes?
- Will he make me a cup of tea in the morning?
- Will he judge me for my messy flat?
- Will he try and rub off my tattoo? (That has happened in the past)
- Should I get in some condoms?
No comments:
Post a Comment