Dressing Up

 It's struck me that this week I'll be dressing up more than I have in the last two years. This going out thing feels weird - it still feels foreign. 

So tomorrow night, it's out to dinner. My boss is down from Sydney and she's offered to buy dinner. The restaurant mentioned is one friends have raved about. (Tonka)  So after work I'll have a rest, make sure the cat is fed, then head into town at 7.30 (Booking isn't until 8 pm - the boss isn't getting in to Melbourne until 5)

But this means dressing up, doing my hair, putting on some make up, and wearing shoes that aren't runners or Doc Martens. I'm not sure what my feet are going to say about that. 

And if I'm being practical, (and careful) I can wear the same thing to breakfast in Caulfield with an old work husband and then on tomy friend's Mum's funeral on Friday morning....

What gets me is that for the last two years I've lived in cheap jeans, leggings, ugg boots or Birkenstocks, t-shirts and sundresses. My hair has been shoved up in a ponytail. As a rule, I don't wear makeup. The holes where I used to have a second set of studs in my ears have closed over. (I should tell my friend about this - she was with me when I got them and she laughed at me for about an hour after the event...)

There's perfume and make up. This too has to be done. I've got a heap of red lipstick that is waiting to be used. 

All to go out to dinner. 

It just feels SO foreign. 

Thankfully, I've found a decent dress, one that hasn't been worn for two years. I've got my decent boots out of the wardrobe that aren't made by Doctor Martens or Harley Davidson. I'm hoping the black tights I've found still have the elastic to stay up and don't have holes in them. 

It's all stuff which was so normal before the pandemic.

Maybe this marks the return of normality?

Today's song: 

What I think about when I think about Internet Dating

Dating in your 50's in daunting. So daunting, you wonder why you actually bother, until, after a bit, you remember there are things you might like in your life - or once had and would like to have again. Things like having somebody make you a cup of tea in the morning, or somebody to go to the pictures with, or somebody to fight over the remote with or heaven forbid, somebody who might want to give you a cuddle (that isn't the cat when they're in the right mood, but a human being giving you a cuddle.)

The other thing about internet dating in your 50's is what drives you is a little different. Gone is the desire for either somebody to provide you with babies, a house or a quick shag. In place of this is the desire to find somebody with whom you can have a decent conversations, maybe prepare dinner with, watch some next Netflix and not embarrass you too much when you're out with your mates. 

To be completely honest, if you expect nothing more than to go out and have a pleasant afternoon/evening/coffee/drink and that's it, well that is all I'm hoping for - and so far, I've not done too badly. Of the two people I've met online with whom I've met, I've had a pleasant time without needing to continue any contact. 

Which is where the stinger comes in. To actually have to get to know somebody, you need to spend a bit more time with them. I was in a workshop over the weekend discussing writing and friendship. One of the speakers was saying that you need to spend 200 hours with a person before you can consider them a true friend. If you take this as a quantifier for friendship, you have no chance of making friends over the internet. 

Still, it happens. I've got many friends who've met their partners online. 

But am I looking for a partner? Or a friend? Or a fuck buddy? I'm not sure. Play it by ear. See what goes. And again, this is another trap - it's going into these meetings with no set agenda or expectation which keeps you safe and sane. I've learned this one. Your walls stay up. You don't want to get hurt. 

Looking back at this, it appears I'm getting better at this first step of actually meeting people online. Okay, middle aged men are not overly inspiring, but there is the argument that middle aged women aren't overly enticing either. But we try to not go for looks. Grey hair is a given now. Balding is what it is - genetics. I'm not overly fond of facial hair - neatly trimmed yes - not into bush ranger beards.Tattoos -  yeah, nah. Depends. But looks are not what it's about. 

I just want to know how I stop myself overthinking things. Here's a few things that go through my head, just thinking about if I actually clicked with somebody. 

• God, do I have to clean the house properly?
• All my underwear is industrial strength, utilitarian Handmaid's Tale stuff - will that be a turn off?
• Will he mind my cooking?
• Will the cat like him?
• Do you you mean I'd have to clean off the junk end of the couch?
• What will the cat think about somebody else sleeping in his bed?
• What if he's nice but I don't like the way he smells / tastes?
• Will he make me a cup of tea in the morning?
• Will he judge me for my messy flat? 
• Will he try and rub off my tattoo? (That has happened in the past)
• Should I get in some condoms?

Stupid thoughts are these - made even stupider by getting twenty steps ahead of myself. But this is what overthinkers do - as we ponder how this appeared to be so easy in our twenties. 

Never to mind, putting yourself out there is the first step. Has to be done in a safe and cautious manner.

We live in hope. 

Today's song:

Winter has come

 Winter came with a bang this morning, not the whimper I was hoping for. 

Winter has the unfortunate ability to turn up with the subtelty of an unexpected period, or like the Jehovah's Witnesses on your doorstep. Unwanted and a bit unnecessary and very annoying. 

So I sit here in my pyjamas and my oodie and my ugg boots, with the lacklustre heater on (and drying my towel) thinking about the week that is, in this bone chilling, sub-Antarctic weather at the arse end of May. 

Tomorrow I'll be home, working in said pyjamas, ugg boots and oodie just trying to keep warm. I rather envy Lucifer, who's taken up sleeping under his blanket wrapped up in a snuggie. 

Wednesday my team are going into work and we're going out to lunch - which means a trudge out in the weather to the restaurant my colleague has chosen. Must remember to take my umbrella - although I'll probably forget it. A visit to the myotherapist to have my shoulder seen to will also be fun. In the cold. After work. Joy. 

Thursday, I'm home again. The cat will be happy. 

Friday will be a mixed bag. In the morning I'll head off to a funeral being held for a friend's mother. I'd met her mum on many occasions, and I really want to be there for my friend. The morning has been taken off work. 

Then in the evening, we have a dress up work do. Joy. The theme of the evening is "A Little Bit Glam".

Shit. 

So this means trying to make my hair presentable. And I get to wear my new dress. It was bought on a whim. My tits might get cold. At least the party is indoors. 

An evening out means I will have to find a pair of stockings, and wear heels, and put on full make up - not just the eyeliner and mascara I normally wear. And maybe team this with  a black (p)leather jacket for warmth, some jewellery and a bit of attitude. At least my legs were waxed the other day. 

Blah, who am I kidding? I'd rather stay home with the cat. I'm not sure I'm up to being nice to a whole heap of people I normally flip the bird to whilst in zoom meetings at with the cameras off at work. (Kidding). 

But it's been implied that going is a good things. Half the team is coming over from Perth. The rest of them are coming down from Sydney. 

Then there's the Uber home. 

Yes, I'm impressed as I sound. I just hope I don't get COVID from this. 

But it's cold, and though I like the cold, and my oodie and ugg boots, it's been a shock the system. 

Today's song: 

Sunday Stealing: Love Me Some Surveys

 It's that time of the week again. Sunday morning means Sunday questions, provided, as always, by Bev at Sunday Stealing. 

1. Who was the last attractive person you saw?

I went and saw Top Gun: Maverick on Friday night. Jon Hamm is in it. I think he's gorgeous. 

2. Do you have a tattoo? If not, are you going to get one?

I have one small tattoo on my hip. It's the Chinese symbol for love - it's very small, you can barely see it and it's been there for 25 years. I had a tattoo before tattoos were cool. 

3. Have you smoked a cigarette in the last 24 hours?

No. I don't smoke any more - haven't for well over a decade.  (With the occassional puff when I've had too much to drink.) Mind you, in Australia, a pack costs around $60 - how anybody can afford to smoke is beyond me. 

4. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

Second chances, yes. Third chances, no. 

5. What is your favorite number?

7 and 64.

6. What time did you go to sleep last night?

About 12.45. I was watching something on telly and I like to get the Wordle out before I go to sleep. thats a bit later than normal, but not much. I normally go to bed around midnight. 

7. Are you one of those people that always answer their phones?

No - I will often ignore calls. Depends on who is calling. 

8. If you died today would your life be complete?

Well, yes, it would, because I would be dead and there would be no more life. I suppose that's a bit defeatist as I think I have a hell of a lot more to do. 

9. If you are being extremely quiet, what does that mean?

I'm thinking. Be very scared. 

10. Do you know what high school your dad went to?

Yes I do. But strangely, I can't tell you which high school my mother went to. I will have to ask her, Mum moved around a lot as a kid. 

11. Last time you had butterflies in your stomach?

I really can't remember. It's been a while. 

12. Where is your cell phone?

In front of me on my lap top. 

13.  What is the nearest purple thing to you?

My cat's brush is to my left. it's made of purple rubber. He only just tolerates it. 

14. When did you last step outside?  What were you doing?

Friday night - though I am about to go outside to hang out the washing on the line. I have a small load that will be under 5 kilograms, which means I can cart it down. I'm not allowed to lift anything over 5 kilograms for the next three weeks, thanks to surgery three weeks ago. Thankfully everything is healing well. 

15. What is the last thing you watched on TV?

Yesterday I watched a few episodes of Miranda and Upstart Crow on one of the streaming services. I find it laugh out loud funny. Love British comeduy. 

Today's song: 

Movie Review: Top Gun: Maverick

Movie Number 23 of 2022

Movie: Top Gun: Maverick

Cinema: Hoyts Victoria Gardens (on their ExtremeScreen)

Stars: 4

A week ago I was writing about the original Top Gun being a really bad film. Well, as an excuse to get out of the house for the evening, Jay and I want along to see this - and within limitations, this is not that bad. Actually, despite it being twee and corny, it was good fun and the flight scenes were amazing. 

Yes, this is a Tom Cruise vanity project. Get your head around this and all is well. 

So what do you get over 30 years after the original came out? 

Well, Cruise plays Pete "Maverick" Mitchell, a bit of a renegade test pilot who is working away from the main navy as he keeps pissing people off. Who knew? He is recalled to the Top Gun school under the orders of Admiral Tom "Iceman" Kozansky - yes, his nemisis in the original Top Gun played by a now silent Val Kilmer, to train up theses elite pilots for what appears to be a suicide mission. 

Of these 12 keen and willing pilots one is Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw, his old partner Goose's son. There is a bit of water under the bridge. Maverick appears to have been young Bradley's mentor, but in deference to his mother's wishes (played by Meg Ryan in the original movie) Maverick held up Rooster's career path as a pilot, so there's some bad blood between them.

Anyway, Maverick has three weeks to get these top pilots ready to fly what's all but a suicide mission against an unnamed enemy. Who this enemy isn't said explicitly, which had me scratching my head. The film ends with the mission, somewhat early and not really going to plan. I'll not say any more. 

But what I will say is that I found this great entertainment. Sure, it's a Tom Cruise passion project  first and foremost.( Cruise, who you have to remember turns 60 this year, so the botox, formadahyde or whatever it is sustaining his youthful appearance is still working well.) This has to be seen on the biggest screen you can find. We went to Victoria Gardens and saw it on one of their ExtremeScreens - they're huge - and it was fantastic. 

Okay, the script isn't great, and it's pretty corny and predictable, but what it lacks in finesse, in makes up for in incredible flying scenes - which are even better than the ones in the first film. And there are the blatant nods to the original film, including the gratuitous topless, tanned men playing sport shot (which was quite nice to look at). 

But it is what it is. A Tom Cruise movie with goodies and baddies and lots of aerial stunts. You don't need to engage your brain much, and if you excuse the plotholes and schmatlz you'll have a good time. 

I hate to admit, but I really enjoyed this, and will happily see it again with Jonella's partner - even if it is to watch the football scene again. This is a great sequel - a better film than the original.

Today's song: 

Things to write about

 It's 11.20 pm and I haven't done my blog, and it's something I am very vigilant about doing. It's been nearly two and a half years of blogging daily - I have not missed a day, not even in the middle of a gallbladder attack or being in hospital. 

I've been trying to write this for most of the day, but have yet found a topic to write on. 

I could write about how much I hate internet dating. But that is a subject for a longer post on another day` when my head is straight. 

There's always the topic of why there are ants marching over my keyboard. Does this mean it;s going to rain? There is no food about the place. 

Or the fact I'm thinking about replacing my car - it's coming up on seven years, but cars are scarce and I don't quite know what to get. A hybrid? But what sort of hybrid? Or replace my current Mazda CX-3 with something similar. Nothing too big. 

Of course I could write about the film I saw tonight, but that is for tomorrow's post after I've had a think about it. There's a bit to unpack there. 

Next Friday, we have a work function which I am dreading. I have to frock up, do my hair and put on makeup. This is going to be after a morning off to go to a friend of mines' mother's funeral. I think I'm happier going to the funeral... I mean having to dress up (like what to wear) and go hang out with people who've been shouting at me for the last six months... and my boss is down from Sydney... and I have to frock up and wear uncomfortable shoes... and try to have a good hair day... yeah... nah...

Going on from this, I could write about the process of buying stocking for said outfit for next Friday - but who buys stockings any more. I haven't bought stockings in years. 

I could review the book I'm reading, but I've another thirty pages to read and I'm sure there will be a twist (Jennifer Down's Bodies of Light - it's excellent. I'm also listening to Paul Kalanithi's When Breath Becomes Air - which is also astounding.)

There's Lucifer's latest trick - digging around in his water bowl, splashing water all around the place. I watched him this morning. He just appears to like jumping into his water bowl. I have no idea why. He's eating and sleeping and pooing alright - I think he's just being a turd. 

I could write about how today's song has been going around in my head all day, despite not hearing it for probably 30 years - obscure Icehouse  - who knew. 

My weekend is looking like it will be all writing, cleaning and getting a good hour's walk done, weather permitting. Don't need to write about that. 

So now I've written about what I'm not going write about, I have a short blog. 

Done. 

Now I'm off to bed. 

And here is Icehouse with one of their less played and underloved songs. 

Today's song: 

Back to Work

 Blah. 

It had to happen. I had to go back to work. The medical cerficate ran out yesterday. 

I got back to 250 emails. 

230 of those emails were binned immediately. 

The team were happy to see me. 

My stomach wall was not so happy. It appears I can sit upright for about half an hour before needed to go walking around for a bit. This is a bit of a blessing. 

So I sorted out the 30 or so emails, chatted to people, wtalked about what I might wear to the big party  we are having next Friday (which it has been inlplied we have to go to)

I talked to the girls in Perth, who are coming to Melbourne for the said party. 

I had a meeting with my manager

I had a meeting with one of our stakeholders about some stuff which needed to be done on the work we've just completed. 

We had a team meeting. 

And I did some appraisals

And at 5.30 I had a chat with one of the other girls in Perth about this and that. 

And at 5.45 I am away rather knackered, wondering just what I had achieved today. Which was next to no practical work and a heap of administration. 

I had some pumpkin curry for lunch and I got about 30 pages of my book read over the day. 

And I had a drinks date down the pub at 7 pm. 

But I'm still wondering just what I got out of today, other than meeting a nice person down the pub. 

Oh and I ate some cheese on rice cakes. Not too much of it as I'm being good, but a little bit. I rue the day I was introduced to this supermarket cheapy holy terror of glory. This will last me least a week. It has to. Good for the 3 pm pick me up on a rice cake. 

And for a beer soaker after the pub. 

So that was my day. 

Better go to bed so I can do it all again tomorrow. At least it's a short week. 

Today's song: