I Have Never...

This is a direct borrow from Kath at Blurb from the Burbs . Rather than rant on about the joys of hating another Hallmark Holiday, I thought looking at things I've never done could be an interesting thing to ponder.

So, here we go,

I have never:

1) Eaten a standard issue meat pie - like the ones you get at the footy. Since I was a young child, I've avoided them like the plague. Something to do with being told that they were filled with horse meat.

2) Been to Africa or South America - something I'd like to remedy one day.

3) Been arrested. Other than being moved on one night whilst down a dark laneway with my then boyfriend, the police and I have had a very amicable relationship. Up until a year ago I had never had a speeding ticket either.

4) Tried absinthe. It might make me more potty. Why would I do that?

5) Been classed in a healthy weight range. I've nearly made the BMI of 25 - once, but not quite. I'm just glad I'm almost out of the obese bracket. Hopefully, with all the work I'm doing, this will happen soon.

6) Run a full marathon. I've run three half marathons and I'm hoping to knock this one off next year some time. It's something I want to do. Madness, but the urge is still there.

7) Seen a dead body. As I wasn't in the country for my father's funeral, I missed that viewing. I've seen a few people who were about to cark it, a few hours away from death, but I've never seen anybody actually dead. I've not seen anybody being born either - though I've assisted lots of animals in the birthing process - it's not the same.

8) Killed an animal. This may seem a strange one, but I'm a country girl and animals are put down or killed for their meat regularly. The only thing I can remember killing is the odd huntsman spider - and even then I feel dreadful and have to do a few rounds of the kaddish to make atonement. I can't even sling lobsters in a pot - though I'm happy for somebody else to do my killing for me (as long as the animal/crustacean is being put to good use).

9) Owned my own cat or dog. When I was a kid, the dog was my dog, though she belonged to the family. As a grown up, I've happily borrowed people's pets as I'm not in a position to have one of my own. One day.

10) Been able to walk properly in heels. I walk like a bad tranny in heels over two inches. Best avoided me thinks.

11) Liked tennis. Pointless game. Lumped in with golf as a complete waste of time.

12) Seen the point of zucchini (courgettes if you're English). Possibly the blandest vegetable ever to be put on the planet. Like eating limp cardboard - bleargh.

13) Seen the following films: Any of the Godfather series, Apocalypse Now, The Deer Hunter or 2001: A Space Odyssey.

14) Seen why Nicole Kidman has won or been nominated for any Oscar. Can't see the appeal at all.

Okay - and things I will never do again:

i) Work in the back office of a merchant bank. After ten years in pergatory, I know that I can't do that again - I'd jump out the window rather than go back there. It's not for me. I admire my friends who enjoy the work there but I'm not cut from that cloth.

ii) Mix Baileys and Beer. Stupid, just stupid. Never, ever again in the same glass. Tragic night that one.

iii) Allow my weight to get over 100 kgs again. I'm on a roll at the moment - and it's been over three years since I was over that mark - nearly got there at the end of last year, but I'm too commited to my health to let that happen EVER again.

iv)  Shag on first dates. Smiley face. Blush. Learned my lesson.

v)  Live illegally in another country. Did that for six years. I'm not willing to risk it ever again.

vi)  Have short hair. Short hair and I just don't get on. My hair is something I like about myself. It's long and wavy and even if I now have to colour over the few greys It's good hair. The shortest my hair goes is just above shoulder length. As my hair is really fine, it just looks silly short, emphasising my fat face. I'm going to be one of those old ladies with a grey bun I reckon. Many bad memories associated with short hair for me too.

vii) Read Russian Literature. There are more things out there to read that aren't going to bore the tits off of me. I can stomach Chekhov as he writes plays. Tolstoy and Dostoyevsky may as well have taken the Anna Karenina route and thrown themselves under a train instead of inflicting the world with their turgid tripe.

viii) Buy poly/cotton bed linen. I'm a sheet snob. It's high thread count pure cotton in this household. Something my mother instilled in me, good sheets last. And they're nicer to sleep in too.

ix) Not stand up for myself. I'm too old and grumpy to not do this anyway. I've gotten a lot better at standing up for my rights over the years, just as I won't let myself stay in untenable situations for too long. Tin Can, String and Whistle is an example of this.

x) Go back to shaving my legs and armpits. I'm a commited waxer/epilator - and I hate the feeling of stubble.

And lastly, things I'd like to try:

a) Skydiving -well at least a tandem jump. Up until two years ago, paragliding was on the list, but not after a very nasty event which happened to one of my circle.

b) Owning my own property. Just getting my head around this one. It will happen.

c) Writing a novel. There's one in everybody. Of course it has to be a best seller. Actually, just getting one published is an achievement in itself.

d) A long term, commited relationship with a kind, loving man. As I've never had one of these, I'd love to try it. Most of the demons have gone now, so hopefully I'm in a place where I can embark on this one.

e) Learning another language properly. I speak reasonable French - I'd love to be fluent and maybe pick up another language fluently. Spanish or Italian would be great.

f) Piano Lessons. I never learned as a child receiving flute lessons instead. I'm actually quite musical - and would love to learn one day - when I have a piano that is - and some time.

g)  Living in Paris. Though I've vowed to not return to Paris until I was with a partner (only ever been to Paris by myself - and it sorta takes the edge off it) it fits nicely with point b. and I know it's a city I'd love to know as intimately as I know London. Same goes with Rome and New York. Fascinating places.

h) Being a standard size fourteen or under. I'm a fairly standard sixteen on the bottoms and an eighteen on the top. This is a reasonble wish to fulfil. Check this space at then end of the year.

i) Going to a new country once a year. This is a big wish as I love travelling. So many countries, so little time.

j) A photography course with a proper camera. I love taking photos and would love to be better at it. But it's in the time and money basket at the moment.

Love to hear your lists:

Pand