Allegedly, I'm back.
Jonella noticed it first. "This is the first time in two months that I've seen you smile. The light is back behind your eyes. That's wonderful."
And I feel like I'm back. I've forgotten what it's been like to smile and bounce around like Tigger like I normally do. You see, bouncing is what Tigger's do best.
And now, on the precipice of being between contracts, I'm aware that I've been tackling a touch of depression - but I really do feel like I've turned the corner. I really don't bounce when I'm down. Or smile much. Or sing. Or write (I've missed writing) But I do function well. I'm just not me when I'm not smiling and singing and bouncing and laughing. But I'm coming back.
It's a good sign.
With one day left on this contract and being left along to finish some work in peace and quiet for the week, I'm getting there quickly.
Finally, I know that I can go back to the Masons and do ritual and not feel like I'm going to pollute the place with my negative energy. I'm aware that I have the energy to go forward and face any challenge what ever it may be.
This is bloody marvellous.
I even found myself singing in Federation Square on Tuesday night after Book Group.
See, there is this tree of lights in the middle of the square and it lights up when you sing at it.
I struggled to think of a song to sing at the tree. Like I can't carry a tune in a bucket, but I was willing to give it a go. Other people were singing at the tree too, so it's not like I was the only lunatic about on the night.
I mean, what do you sing at a tree made of lights? A tree that's in the middle of a public place in the middle of the city?
You sing the song that you sing at your personal trainer when he's making you do things you don't want to do - which in my case is rope flicks.
I hope the tree liked my rendition of a Myponga favourite.
See, told you I was on the way back.