As with all 'dates' as we call it, there are rules. Meet in a public place. Set time limits. Do something that doesn't go against your value system. Be careful who you give your number to. All of that stuff. It's what you tell your teenagers and young adults. Oh, and treat people like you'd want to be treated yourself.
It's not hard.
Yet, why is it so hard for people, friends, to understand that the desire to meet new people doesn't stop when you're 25?
You mention to friends that you're meeting up with new people, and you're met with a raised eyebrow, a smirk. Maybe it's the neurodiversity trait of rejection sensitivity, but it feels like you're being judged? Why do you want to meet new people? What's up with your old friends? Don't you find it degrading going online?
Yes, the apps can be awful. That is why you use discretion and discernment, and you find yourself saying, "I'm not interested in chatting anymore, good luck with your search," then hit block and delete. Brutal maybe. Sensible, yes.
It is also said that you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince. I say why kiss them if you don't feel it?
For fuck's sake! And yes, most of this negative self-talk is in my head, but you can see what people are thinking.
Regardless, the fellow I'm meeting up with today seems okay. Age appropriate, we have a similar education, like a lot of the same things and we can keep a chat going for a while. He's a public servant. He's divorcing, a father of one adult offspring, new to the dating game and working out what he's after - which is fair after a very long relationship.
Some might say there are some red flags, but in your 50's, most people will have been partnered, had children, might even have grandchildren. I'm the anomaly being perpetually single and childless. (There must be something wrong with me!)
He asked me what I was after. My response. If I go out and have a pleasant drink, I think we're winning. If I make a friend, that would be excellent. Anything else is something marvelous that I'm not expecting. I'm not here for a quick shag, nor to meeting the love of my life. I said that I hope this didn't put him off.
It's not like we're in our twenties anymore. I can't think of anything worse than taking somebody home who I've been grinding up against on some seedy club's dancefloor. Or going in hard and fast. Of having that feeling of being left on the shelf.
Anyway, I don't get why people are dismissive of why people want to meet other people. It is a crime to want to see if your life might be taken in other directions?
So, this brings me to The Golden Bachelor, which happened to grace my screen last night when I got home from the gym.
Though I would never, ever put myself through the humiliations that a reality television producer might put you through, I look at these women, botoxed, filled, pilates-shaped, intelligent, genetically blessed in many ways, put themselves through the wringer.
And as much as I don't like the method of putting themselves through the dating process on national television, I do say good luck to them for putting themselves out there. The women, aged from their early 50s to their early sixties all have their stories. Divorce, death, deception... the normal stories, they're still willing to go out there and give this a try.
As I said, I may not go for your methods, but good on you. And all the best for your search. I support you. good on you for wanting to make changes.
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