There's been a lot of talk about dealing with baggage of late. It would be remiss of me if I didn't clear some of my own.
Being a long weekend, I've managed to put a heap of stuff on ebay, send a bag down to St Vincents, do a bit of tidying and get things ready for what looks like a busy week. As Ah-Sole, my work nemesis, is being let go at the end of the month (yes, the Project Manager saw sense) my workload is about to increase so it's a good chance to do all this and have a bit of a rest before all hell breaks loose .
Then comes the other junk that has to be dealt with. The hard stuff.
Something came up last night which gave me something to sort. And sort quickly.
Whilst chatting to a friend on facebook last night I did a bit of looking around, as you do. I'm no cyber-stalker, but there are times, once in a blue moon, when I'll have a quick look around and see who's about from my past - just look, I'd never contact the people involved. I'm not the sort to make too many waves.
So last night, I tapped in the name, Sebastian Smith, not thinking that anything would come, but there he was on facebook, small child on his hip, smiling for the camera. Current location, Sydney, Australia.
Sebastian, or Seb, is the only man I've shared a home with. Three torturous months in a North London share house. Twenty years ago. Once I left the flat we remained in contact - a sort of friends with benefits arrangement - for another three years, seeing each other fairly regularly until we both moved house away from the district. The last time I saw him was on a tube platform in 1997.
With all the navel gazing I do, I almost never revisit the Sebastian years, or the relationship with Sebastian, even though he was the guy who was in my life the longest. Some of it has been effectively blocked out - and the rest I'm pretty comfortable with. It wasn't a good time. It wasn't a great relationship. He no longer blights my psyche. It wasn't him. It wasn't me - it was just never meant to be.
Besides the arguments, the acrimony, the not wanting to go home, the tears and the tantrums, there were good things about Seb. He could be kind, he could be funny. He was really intelligent. And despite the torturous relationship, he always held me while sleeping - which looking back, was lovely - and probably the thing I remember about him most fondly. He's also the reason I fell into banking, discovered the Pixies and the Violent Femmes - so I have that to thank him for.
I spent the rest of my last night having a chat to my former self. My twenty-four-year old, tortured, miserable, prickly self. We needed to have a chat. Over the past ten years, inner child work has really helped me. This time it was more work with my inner young adult - time to get to the bottom of some stuff. The poor girl was a wreck - but we had a great chat. A lot of it was talking of the future - soothing her frayed nerves, giving her something to look forward to. It was okay. There was no need for tears.
But to clear the last of Sebastian, I thought of writing him a letter - more to clear my own head than to reach out to him. What would I say to him? What would I want to say?
Well, here goes.
Dear Seb,
It's over fifteen years since we last saw each other and this is very out of the blue. I've often wondered where you ended up. Last time I saw you, you were still talking of returning to South Africa - though from the gamut of South African friends over here, it seems to have become less a viable option. To see you're in Sydney - hope you've made it home. From the photo, you look happy. Cute child.
I rarely think of what happened twenty years ago - there isn't much point in rehashing the past. It wasn't a good time and there was a heap of stuff going on that I had really no idea about. But I will get to that later.
Since seeing you last - from memory that was somewhere around the mid-nineties, lots has changed. I now live in Melbourne. I now work in IT as a Technical Writer, Quality Analyst and sometimes Change Analyst - yeah, go figure - me who hated computers. I've had short stories published. I've travelled the world a couple of times over. My proudest moment have been running a couple of half marathons - yeah, I know, go figure that one too and starting to get my writing out there. I've never married and I have no kids - but I see this as a good thing as well.
After wracking my brains, wondering what I would want to say to you, all I could come up with is to say sorry. Sorry that you had to know me when you did and sorry for what I must have put you through. Undiagnosed depression is a bitch - I have to apologise for having to submit you to that. I know I was a nightmare to live with. I had no idea what was going on - I think you had more of an idea but there was no way out then. Thankfully, after some great help, sought too late in some ways, but just in time in others, the worst of that is under control. I'll always have to manage the depression - but at least it's now under control and recognised. It makes me a lot nicer to be around.
Of my life now - I'm content enough. I have a great friends, a good lifestyle, lots of variety and travel. For a woman in her forties I can appreciate it for what it is. It's a freedom I didn't have in my twenties. The ability to take on opportunities.
I don't dwell on what would have happened if things were different - I'm not even looking to get back in contact. I just needed to get that off my chest.
May life be treating you well - from the photo, you look happy - and you really can't ask for any more than that.
Best wishes,
Pandyx
I will never send this to Seb. I know that I was contacted by an ex-flame seeking forgiveness for the stuff he put me through as he was in the middle of a 12 step program for sex addiction. I flung back an email which read "Thank you for your email. Now fuck off and never contact me again." Seems I'm willing to forgive some, but not others. This bloke was a complete waste of space.
As I said, I don't want to make waves. I did ping him a small message which read "I occasionally pondered where you ended up. I can see that you look happy. Cute kid."
I think that I've laid the ghost of Seb to rest. I feel at peace.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Of Tarot and Teflon
There are rules of tarot reading that cannot be broken.
The first one is never to make grand statements around bad things. You never tell anybody that they're going to get horribly sick or that somebody close to them is going to die. Never. There are are ways of delivering what appears to be bad news. Telling somebody their granny is about to die just aint on. What if they don't? What if it's the other granny? What if nothing happens? What if they get cancer. Tarot readers shouldn't make large negative statements - ever.
The second big rule of tarot reading is when one of your own issues comes up in a reading, do not shy away from looking at what is going on - after the reading is done. You're there for the client. You can deal with your issues later. You have a responsibility to yourself to look at your own crap as well as helping others to sift through their stuff.
The third rule of tarot reading is to always self-protect. Do not take other people's issues on as your own. Acknowledge their pain and suffering, but do not take it on board. It's their pain to deal with - not your own. You can empathise, offer guidance, provide alternatives, but you do not take on other people's pain and suffering and wear it like a lapel pin. Techniques to avoid this crap transference can involve techniques including white lighting, setting up a sacred space to work in, reiki empowerment or in my case, I recite the teflon prayer ("I'm made of teflon - no crap sticks to me". Repeat regularly - it works).
The last big rule of tarot reading is that you never give advice when reading, per se, but provide alternative routes if you can. And if it's all too much - out of your league, realise this, take the time to gently recommend professional help if it's what the cards are indicating - offering no diagnosis, blame or shame, what ever help that may be. This is not copping out. This is being responsible - knowing your boundaries and abilities and recognising that the person you are reading for could benefit from some more guided, pointed, professional help help could be the difference between years of misery and a life which gets back on track quicker.
Thing is, these tarot rules translate easily into four life lessons.
1) Look at things in the positive - giving things a negative slant gets you nowhere.
2) Meet your demons head on and quickly - take responsibility for them sooner rather than later.
3) Put yourself first. Until you are okay, you can't give to others. Never put yourself last as its proof of how you value yourself.
4) Rather than suffer, seek help. Recognise you have a problem and do something about it.
So here I sit as a part of a group of people trying to lose weight. I have a wonderful online support group - absolutely fantastic people. There are a number of groups I'm alligned to. There's the girls from the 12wbt that I know through the Biggest Loser Club - magic people and great friends - they've become a part of my daily life and I'm blessed to have them there. There's the people from the 12wbt that arrange activities that I keep an eye on - great for finding extra boxing classes and people to do runs with.
And there's a couple of other weight loss groups, larger groups, which I'm part of with people at every stage of the journey - from depression, denial, bargaining, anger right through to acceptance.
Eh, I've heard that list somewhere before.
Yes. One of the common elements, the elephant in the room that is rarely acknowledged, is that the psychological side of weight loss is very alligned to the grieving process.
You see it time and time again.
Working through the issues of what is really going on, whether it be dealing with a long undiagnosed or unrecognised depression cycle (Tim Tams are my friend - really they are! Tim Tams make me happy.), to the bargaining moves some of us do (if I go for a ten minute walk that will get rid of the Tim Tam I just ate) to the anger many of us feel and subsequently turn towards themselves (I hate Tim Tams and I'm never going to have one again) to the denial that a lot of us divert to, whether we admit it or not (What me, eat Tim Tams! Never!) to the final acceptance of the real issues (Hello, my name is Tammy and I am a Tim Tam addict. It's been three weeks since my last Tim Tam).
I'm trying to not light of something that's far more serious, but to show a point.
Unfortunately, there really isn't a state which encompasses fat and happy.
Being overweight is just a very long process of grieving.
For many of us who've been blighted by obesity, we've tried for years to hide our pain through a sunny disposition, a wisecrack and the willingness to be invisible. Nobody's pain is exactly the same, but we can all empathise. For those who've been overweight - and not just a couple of kilos, but very overweight, will know what it feels like to be pointed at in the street, have car horns blare at you, to be asked how far your pregnancy is going along, have clothes split at the seems, to walk into a shop and know that nothing will fit, the eyes of the size 8 shop assistant staring at you as if you were dog poo on your shoe. You avoid public transport for fearing not fitting in the seats. You avoid going to bars for fear of being barked at. (And yes, most of these things have happened to me in the past, and yes, it's crap)
Most of us can also recognise the behaviour patterns that come out when stressed or emotional.
When my aunt passed away the other week I turned to my old friend ice cream. Ice cream doesn't make judgements. Ice cream doesn't care if you want ot be completely antisocial. Ice cream, for a minute or two takes the pain away. I'm pleased to also say that in turning to ice cream, I went the one paddle pop route, not two tubs of Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia - which I would have done in the past.
I acknowledge the behaviour pattern. I chose to give in to the ice cream, but I also chose to not damage myself and my compromise my weight loss too badly by taking a lesser route. I also made sure to look at why I was doing what I was doing, feeling the pain, knowing full well that these hurts were spiritual and made the choice not to let things spiral further. I'm not perfect by any means, but my actions were far less self-destructive than in the past.
Which is why I've found myself stepping way from these groups for a while.
To see the pain and frustration on a daily basis is difficult for me. I want to help. I want to give advice. Sometimes I want to slap a few people over the head and yell "STOP BEING SO STUPID! STOP RUNNING AWAY AND TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY - GET HELP!". Other people, I just wish I could pick up and cuddle, wishing there was a fairy with a magic want to take their woes away. Other people I look at and I see a former version of myself. In denial, depressed, scared, angry - wanting for things to change and helpless to do so. These people are the hardest ones of me to look at.
I look at them and I want to ask why they are avoiding getting real assistance? I want to tell them to start changing their thought processes. I want to tell them that this can be a very long process. What they think they want to do in changing their bodies will make everything better is wrong and that changing the inside is the only way to make things better.
And how do I know this. Ten years in and out of very good, focussed therapy - and the knowledge that I'm still a work in process - physically, mentally and emotionally. Also knowing that all of the work I've done has made me far, far more happier with myself and my body. I'm certainly not perfect, but I know that when I take full responsibility for my thoughts and actions I feel a lot more in control. I also know when I reach a point where I have to go seek help - and I seek it quickly. But generally, I'm okay. I'm not the happiest person on the planet, things aren't perfect, but I'm okay. It took me forty years to realise this.
Looking back at all this, I'm not made of teflon - which is why I'm giving the online forums a wide berth for the while. Some stuff that really belongs to other people does stick. Some stuff really does hurt and some stuff makes me despair about not only the person in pain, but myself.
But at least the teflon coating makes it easier to wash away.
The first one is never to make grand statements around bad things. You never tell anybody that they're going to get horribly sick or that somebody close to them is going to die. Never. There are are ways of delivering what appears to be bad news. Telling somebody their granny is about to die just aint on. What if they don't? What if it's the other granny? What if nothing happens? What if they get cancer. Tarot readers shouldn't make large negative statements - ever.
The second big rule of tarot reading is when one of your own issues comes up in a reading, do not shy away from looking at what is going on - after the reading is done. You're there for the client. You can deal with your issues later. You have a responsibility to yourself to look at your own crap as well as helping others to sift through their stuff.
The third rule of tarot reading is to always self-protect. Do not take other people's issues on as your own. Acknowledge their pain and suffering, but do not take it on board. It's their pain to deal with - not your own. You can empathise, offer guidance, provide alternatives, but you do not take on other people's pain and suffering and wear it like a lapel pin. Techniques to avoid this crap transference can involve techniques including white lighting, setting up a sacred space to work in, reiki empowerment or in my case, I recite the teflon prayer ("I'm made of teflon - no crap sticks to me". Repeat regularly - it works).
The last big rule of tarot reading is that you never give advice when reading, per se, but provide alternative routes if you can. And if it's all too much - out of your league, realise this, take the time to gently recommend professional help if it's what the cards are indicating - offering no diagnosis, blame or shame, what ever help that may be. This is not copping out. This is being responsible - knowing your boundaries and abilities and recognising that the person you are reading for could benefit from some more guided, pointed, professional help help could be the difference between years of misery and a life which gets back on track quicker.
Thing is, these tarot rules translate easily into four life lessons.
1) Look at things in the positive - giving things a negative slant gets you nowhere.
2) Meet your demons head on and quickly - take responsibility for them sooner rather than later.
3) Put yourself first. Until you are okay, you can't give to others. Never put yourself last as its proof of how you value yourself.
4) Rather than suffer, seek help. Recognise you have a problem and do something about it.
So here I sit as a part of a group of people trying to lose weight. I have a wonderful online support group - absolutely fantastic people. There are a number of groups I'm alligned to. There's the girls from the 12wbt that I know through the Biggest Loser Club - magic people and great friends - they've become a part of my daily life and I'm blessed to have them there. There's the people from the 12wbt that arrange activities that I keep an eye on - great for finding extra boxing classes and people to do runs with.
And there's a couple of other weight loss groups, larger groups, which I'm part of with people at every stage of the journey - from depression, denial, bargaining, anger right through to acceptance.
Eh, I've heard that list somewhere before.
Yes. One of the common elements, the elephant in the room that is rarely acknowledged, is that the psychological side of weight loss is very alligned to the grieving process.
You see it time and time again.
Working through the issues of what is really going on, whether it be dealing with a long undiagnosed or unrecognised depression cycle (Tim Tams are my friend - really they are! Tim Tams make me happy.), to the bargaining moves some of us do (if I go for a ten minute walk that will get rid of the Tim Tam I just ate) to the anger many of us feel and subsequently turn towards themselves (I hate Tim Tams and I'm never going to have one again) to the denial that a lot of us divert to, whether we admit it or not (What me, eat Tim Tams! Never!) to the final acceptance of the real issues (Hello, my name is Tammy and I am a Tim Tam addict. It's been three weeks since my last Tim Tam).
I'm trying to not light of something that's far more serious, but to show a point.
Unfortunately, there really isn't a state which encompasses fat and happy.
Being overweight is just a very long process of grieving.
For many of us who've been blighted by obesity, we've tried for years to hide our pain through a sunny disposition, a wisecrack and the willingness to be invisible. Nobody's pain is exactly the same, but we can all empathise. For those who've been overweight - and not just a couple of kilos, but very overweight, will know what it feels like to be pointed at in the street, have car horns blare at you, to be asked how far your pregnancy is going along, have clothes split at the seems, to walk into a shop and know that nothing will fit, the eyes of the size 8 shop assistant staring at you as if you were dog poo on your shoe. You avoid public transport for fearing not fitting in the seats. You avoid going to bars for fear of being barked at. (And yes, most of these things have happened to me in the past, and yes, it's crap)
Most of us can also recognise the behaviour patterns that come out when stressed or emotional.
When my aunt passed away the other week I turned to my old friend ice cream. Ice cream doesn't make judgements. Ice cream doesn't care if you want ot be completely antisocial. Ice cream, for a minute or two takes the pain away. I'm pleased to also say that in turning to ice cream, I went the one paddle pop route, not two tubs of Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia - which I would have done in the past.
I acknowledge the behaviour pattern. I chose to give in to the ice cream, but I also chose to not damage myself and my compromise my weight loss too badly by taking a lesser route. I also made sure to look at why I was doing what I was doing, feeling the pain, knowing full well that these hurts were spiritual and made the choice not to let things spiral further. I'm not perfect by any means, but my actions were far less self-destructive than in the past.
Which is why I've found myself stepping way from these groups for a while.
To see the pain and frustration on a daily basis is difficult for me. I want to help. I want to give advice. Sometimes I want to slap a few people over the head and yell "STOP BEING SO STUPID! STOP RUNNING AWAY AND TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY - GET HELP!". Other people, I just wish I could pick up and cuddle, wishing there was a fairy with a magic want to take their woes away. Other people I look at and I see a former version of myself. In denial, depressed, scared, angry - wanting for things to change and helpless to do so. These people are the hardest ones of me to look at.
I look at them and I want to ask why they are avoiding getting real assistance? I want to tell them to start changing their thought processes. I want to tell them that this can be a very long process. What they think they want to do in changing their bodies will make everything better is wrong and that changing the inside is the only way to make things better.
And how do I know this. Ten years in and out of very good, focussed therapy - and the knowledge that I'm still a work in process - physically, mentally and emotionally. Also knowing that all of the work I've done has made me far, far more happier with myself and my body. I'm certainly not perfect, but I know that when I take full responsibility for my thoughts and actions I feel a lot more in control. I also know when I reach a point where I have to go seek help - and I seek it quickly. But generally, I'm okay. I'm not the happiest person on the planet, things aren't perfect, but I'm okay. It took me forty years to realise this.
Looking back at all this, I'm not made of teflon - which is why I'm giving the online forums a wide berth for the while. Some stuff that really belongs to other people does stick. Some stuff really does hurt and some stuff makes me despair about not only the person in pain, but myself.
But at least the teflon coating makes it easier to wash away.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Pandora the Heartless
I have one small glitch in my normally compassionate make up. I'm patient with kids and old people, I fawn over cats and dogs and horses and most animals, I come to the aid of lost travellers and people who've fallen down in the street (as long as they don't smell too bad). I donate to charity. I'm a co-freemason. I organise a book group. I crochet blankets for friends who are having babies (oops that reminds me...)
But there is one thing on this planet that really tests my patience.
I don't like rabbits. (Kath Lockett look away now - mind you, Skipper was a great rabbit - I will give you that)
Actually, make that two things. I don't like chooks either. (Hens / Chickens / Fowls if you come from outside Australia)
Rabbits and chooks are low down in the food chain. Both make good eating. Both, like their vegetable equivalent, the zucchini (courgette if you're outside Australia) are reasonably pointless - though chooks do make eggs - but that doesn't stop them being pointless beasts.
I would never be cruel to a rabbit or a chook. I would never harm a rabbit or a chook. Both are sorta cute from a distance. But Tasmanian devils and rhinos and crocodiles are cute from a distance too.
If a friend asked me to feed their prize bunny or hen while they were on holiday, I would - of course. But rabbits just don't float my boat.
I remember a friend of mine giving me her children's pet bunny to pat.
"Go on, you love animals." she said, handing the bundle over.
"This isn't an animal. It's modified vermin." I thought to myself.
She asked what I thought.
All I could come up with was "current sauce and akubras".
See, disliking rabbits gets you into trouble.
Problem is, I was raised in the country.
I have fond memories of being a kid, going out at night with the boys from next door, sit on the back of the ute with a spotlight in the back scrub watching Spud and Boog shoot them.(The boys next door had real names, but like all good country boys they went by a silly moniker)
It took me a long time to realise that lead shot wasn't part of what makes up the flavour of rabbit.
I was also raised in the country in a country where in 1859 some bright spark named Thomas Austin from Geelong brought in 24 rabbits from England so he could go shooting. The "little blighters escaped" and from there his 24 breeding rabbits started an infestation that wiped out the natural flora and fauna as completely as the English exterminated the Tasmanian Aboriginals.
It finally took an insidious disease called myxomatosis, an awful, awful disease that basically eats the rabbit from the inside out, to rid the country of 95 % of the 800 million rabbits. However the other five percent seemed to be immune and lives on and bred but at a much reduce rate. Myxo also lives on, in mutant strains. Witnessing a rabbit with myxomatosis was a common sight as a kid. People's pet rabbits caught mxyo as well. No rabbit is truly immune. It hits all rabbits from the Peter Rabbit bunny in the paddock to the prize chinchilla that's bread to show at the rabbit version of Crufts.
You never want to see a rabbit with myxomatosis. It's truly dreadful.
So I've got the block when it comes to bunnies. There was one on Bondi Vet which Dr Chris ended up giving mouth to mouth to just before it shook this mortal coil. How come you never see cats and dogs die on that show - but they'll let a bunny go? For me, emotionally engaging was impossible. I normally sit here watching Bondi Vet with tears in my eyes. But this poor white rabbit, unfortunately mutilated - all I could think was "Why aren't you putting the poor thing down?"
Call me heartless. Call me pragmatic. Maybe in a former life I was tortured by bunnies before they burned me on the stake.
I just don't get what the fuss about rabbits is.
Though MoMo does them well with a current sauce and quince stuffing....
One day I'll tell you my chook stories. I know that my dislike for the domestic hen is the stuff of elongated childhood trauma.
But there is one thing on this planet that really tests my patience.
I don't like rabbits. (Kath Lockett look away now - mind you, Skipper was a great rabbit - I will give you that)
Actually, make that two things. I don't like chooks either. (Hens / Chickens / Fowls if you come from outside Australia)
Rabbits and chooks are low down in the food chain. Both make good eating. Both, like their vegetable equivalent, the zucchini (courgette if you're outside Australia) are reasonably pointless - though chooks do make eggs - but that doesn't stop them being pointless beasts.
I would never be cruel to a rabbit or a chook. I would never harm a rabbit or a chook. Both are sorta cute from a distance. But Tasmanian devils and rhinos and crocodiles are cute from a distance too.
If a friend asked me to feed their prize bunny or hen while they were on holiday, I would - of course. But rabbits just don't float my boat.
I remember a friend of mine giving me her children's pet bunny to pat.
"Go on, you love animals." she said, handing the bundle over.
"This isn't an animal. It's modified vermin." I thought to myself.
She asked what I thought.
All I could come up with was "current sauce and akubras".
See, disliking rabbits gets you into trouble.
Problem is, I was raised in the country.
I have fond memories of being a kid, going out at night with the boys from next door, sit on the back of the ute with a spotlight in the back scrub watching Spud and Boog shoot them.(The boys next door had real names, but like all good country boys they went by a silly moniker)
It took me a long time to realise that lead shot wasn't part of what makes up the flavour of rabbit.
I was also raised in the country in a country where in 1859 some bright spark named Thomas Austin from Geelong brought in 24 rabbits from England so he could go shooting. The "little blighters escaped" and from there his 24 breeding rabbits started an infestation that wiped out the natural flora and fauna as completely as the English exterminated the Tasmanian Aboriginals.
It finally took an insidious disease called myxomatosis, an awful, awful disease that basically eats the rabbit from the inside out, to rid the country of 95 % of the 800 million rabbits. However the other five percent seemed to be immune and lives on and bred but at a much reduce rate. Myxo also lives on, in mutant strains. Witnessing a rabbit with myxomatosis was a common sight as a kid. People's pet rabbits caught mxyo as well. No rabbit is truly immune. It hits all rabbits from the Peter Rabbit bunny in the paddock to the prize chinchilla that's bread to show at the rabbit version of Crufts.
You never want to see a rabbit with myxomatosis. It's truly dreadful.
So I've got the block when it comes to bunnies. There was one on Bondi Vet which Dr Chris ended up giving mouth to mouth to just before it shook this mortal coil. How come you never see cats and dogs die on that show - but they'll let a bunny go? For me, emotionally engaging was impossible. I normally sit here watching Bondi Vet with tears in my eyes. But this poor white rabbit, unfortunately mutilated - all I could think was "Why aren't you putting the poor thing down?"
Call me heartless. Call me pragmatic. Maybe in a former life I was tortured by bunnies before they burned me on the stake.
I just don't get what the fuss about rabbits is.
Though MoMo does them well with a current sauce and quince stuffing....
One day I'll tell you my chook stories. I know that my dislike for the domestic hen is the stuff of elongated childhood trauma.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Another Stolen MeMe
I give thanks to the Plastic Mancunian for giving me this. It's something to pick over at lunchtime - and there are some pointed ones in this one.
1. Which state do you consider to be the most boring state?
I suppose being bored is the most boring state - well state of being. If you're talking Australian States - well all of them have their great bits and all of them have their boring bits. The ACT is boring, but that's a territory, not a state. I'd call Tasmania boring. It may be the most beautiful place on the planet but everybody is in bed by 10 pm - just like New Zealand.
2. If any chef from the Food Network (or any well known chef) could cater your wedding, who would it be?
I know I'd be asking Adriano Zumbo to do the cake. I'd love Gary Mehigan to cook for my wedding - as long as I could take out heart attack insurance for all of the butter he seems to use.
3. What's the last thing you ate that was red?
I had grilled capsicum on my pizza last night (home made healthy pizza that was - not the store bought crap)
4. Have you ever questioned the sexuality orientation of a close friend?
Yes. Not so strangely, we are no longer in contact - not that I ever asked him outright - and not that I care. But for ten years I was wondering - and most people who met him believed him to be "batting for the other team". When he moved back to Europe we lost track of him. Part of me believes that he's now wearing a skirt and calling himself Narelle.
5. Everyone loses a friend after some big fight. Tell us about one.
I don't really fight with people - the odd tiff and that is it. I lost a friend recently after a doozy of a fight - but we've since reaffirmed the boundaries and are back in contact. Not saying any more than that. Not worth hashing over. We were both in the wrong. And both in the right. Not that he will admit to that.
6. Have you ever washed an iPod or mp3 player in the washing machine?
No. I washed a passport once. That was an expensive mistake. Always leave a day to do your washing after a long distance trip. Saves stupid things like that happening. I might not have forgotten to check the pockets if I'd left it a day.
7. Have you ever screamed / yelled angrily at a boss?
Yes. Poor Popeye. Under-utilisation is a bitch. Who else are you supposed to take your frustration out on? The cat? That's what bosses are there for - as long as you don't make a habit of it.
8. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
I did so for twenty years. I don't do it any more. Thankfully I have very little to cry about now.
9. Have you ever regretted being in a relationship with someone?
Yes. Next.
10. Have you ever acted like you understood something when you didn't have a clue?
I work in IT. I am the non-technical person in an IT department. This is what I do best. I'm also very good at saying "You're so clever. I could never do that? Have a biscuit - I made them just for you." This makes up for being clueless.
11. Have you ever thought someone must have been insane? If yes, tell us something about the person.
I said it in the last question. I work in IT. Everybody is a little insane. It's all relative.
12. Have you ever pretended to be younger than what you are?
No, but I'm confused for a person who is a lot younger. I'm often going to the cinema and telling the attendant I'm 12. One time in ten they will give you a child's ticket. It's always worth a try.
13. Back in the day, did you ever cry because you were turned down for a date?
What is a date? I've forgotton. Can't remember - haven't been on one of thsie for years. I hope this changes soon.
14. Have you ever (or your significant other) had a pregnancy scare?
Unfortunately, yes. They're not good for the stress levels. They're just not good at all. Next.
15. Have you ever pretended to like someone when you didn't?
No. If I don't like somebody, I find it hard to pretend that I like them. I'll be civil. I'll interact with them - but generally I give people I don't like a wide berth and leave them to it.
16. What was the last thing you did that was totally selfish, yet you feel no guilt?
I took a box of Krispy Kreme donuts to my sister's on Monday. I pinched one more than I should have. I have no guilt about this. I know they were a gift, but I bought them (well used a voucher that was given to me).... Selfish, I know, but there is no guilt attached. I ran the donut off last night. My sister wouldn't have done that.
17. Tell us about a film fave of yours that we probably have not seen.
An Argentinian Film I saw last year - "The Secrets in their Eyes". (in Spanish "El Secreto de sus Ojos".) It won an Oscar for Best Foreign Language film. Superlative. But not many English speakers would have seen it. Atmospheric, dark, deep, intense - this thriller had me on the edge of my seat for most of the film. Brilliant.
18. When was the last time you kissed someone that you shouldn't have on the lips?
About three years ago. Not giving details on that one either. I was drunk. I don't do that any more. Get drunk that is. And try and kiss people.
19. When was the last time you cooked something for someone not in your family?
Two weeks ago. I had a friend down from Bathurst and another friend staying from Bendigo. I got to play Mum. I did my version of pizza (300 calories, healthy and yummy) Chicken in Pesto and Proscuitto and Steak with Mushroom sauce over the weekend. I love cooking for people.
20. When was the last time you danced like a crazy person?
Last week, I dance around like a crazy person a lot. I just don't do it in public.
21. When was the last time you just wanted to be invisible?
Two weeks ago. Coming out of a team meeting I got out of the lift and walked into a glass door on the wrong floor. I had to get back into the lift with my team - all of whom were laughing at me. Just wished the lift would swallow me up then and there.
22. When was the last time you got a gift you absolutely hated?
Oh dear, a few years ago now. Why would anybody give me a silicon cock ring? What use have I got for sex toys? Still bemuses and upsets me in equal measure.
23. When was the last time you got into a physical fight? (If NEVER, let us know about a time that you got close to a fight.)
Not so much a fight, but the last time I scared the shit out of somebody was a few years ago in a St Kilda car park. A junkie got too close - and he saw the back end of my mouth and ire - he nearly jumped me as I got out of the car - I yelled, screamed and tormented him into a corner. Scared the hell out of Blarney who was with me at the time.
24. When was the last time you had to sleep with a light on?
Bad experience in London - a heavy breathing caller in the middle of the night. Scared the living hell out of me. Woke my flatmate at the time who laughed it off - but I was there with a kitchen knife and the light on for a couple of days after that.
25. When was the last time you were under some serious stress?
Just before I left Tin Can, String and Whistle. That sucked. Thankfully it was over pretty quick.
26. When was the last time you watched your favorite movie?
A few months ago while "between jobs". Love Donnie Darko.
27. What song did you most recently downloaded?
I think that would be a Ben Lee album. I'm still hooked on CDs... showing my age, I am.
28. What would you say is your favorite hobby?
Writing - though I do that for a living. Running - that's more a lifestyle choice. Reading is my favorite hobby.
29. What is your favorite thing to do when you hang out with friends?
Watch movies and drink coffee. That's what I do when I hang out with friends.
30. What would you rather do: shower or bathe with that celebrity that you are crushing on?
Please can I throw Clive Owen in the bath. Please, please, please.
31. What is your absolute favorite dessert?
Creme Brulee. There is nothing better than a creme brulee - not that I have one very often. Ice cream is the sixth food group so that doesn't count.
32. What can someone do to make you smile, no matter what?
Give me a puppy or a kitten. That will do it. Ice cream can also help.
33. What do the hip people think of you?
Probably very little.
34. What was the last gift you bought someone?
I bought Trin a set of Affirmation Cards for her birthday. Thankfully, she claimed she loved them.
35. What was your favorite class in high school?
French. It was something I was pretty good at and something I've never lost.
36. How many spouses would be about right?
I'd like to see what one would be like. I can't be greedy. It's something I wonder about - what would it be like to be married. I have no idea.
37. What would you say was the most embarrassing moment of your life?
38. Have you ever donated money to charity?
I do so regularly. The Fred Hollows Foundation gets a monthly stipend and I do a few charity runs a year.
39. Has porn ever had a positive place in a current or recent relationship?
Other than to laugh at - no. Doesn't float my boat.
40. Would you ever dump the one you're with for someone who makes an obvious play and is MUCH hotter?
No. Looks never trump personality.
41. Have you ever disowned one of your relatives?
Nearly, but not quite. As my relatives are half way across the country they're easy to dismiss without full on disowning. I have one uncle that I haven't seen in over five years - and I'm not feeling the loss. Not that I don't want to see him, just don't feel the need. He hasn't contacted me either.
42. Would you think it's OK to cheat on someone if they've already cheated on you?
No. Cheating isn't good. If you want to screw around, get out of your relationship first. It's unfair - and this sort of tit for tat behaviour is unbecoming to all parties.
43. Did you ever consider becoming a teacher?
Yes. When I left school I wanted to be a French teacher. But I hated the way they taught French at University, so that idea went out the window. Then a few years back, I decided to leave banking and go and do a Dip Ed and teach English. That never happened either as I found IT. I think I got the better end of the deal.
44. Would you ever give a hitch-hiker a ride somewhere?
No. Just no worth it - no matter how good looking they may be.
45. Would you ever try fasting for a whole week?
It's not out of the realms of possiblility knowing some of the strange crap I get to up. But it would take a lot to commit to - and it would ahve to be under the right circumstances - like say at an ashram.
46. Would you ever try to quit one of your addictions, or better said: Bad Habits?
I stopped sucking my thumb at 33. I gave up smoking a few years ago. What is left? Picking my nose in the car? Burping after a meal. Not sure what I would give up really.
47. Could you ever kill yourself to save someone else?
I'm unsure about this one - but I think I would put myself in the line of danger for somebody I loved. Thankfully this has never been tested.
48. Does it matter if you break up with someone or have them dump you?
Nope. But getting out sooner rather than later is a good thing.
49. Would you rather have a turtle or a frog for a pet?
Neither. I'd rather have a pet that is a bit more interactive. My sister has a turtle who appears to live under a beanbag and likes to bite you. Frogs are just boring. Great for the environment, but really, they're just boring. Give me a cat or dog any day.
50. Would you rather spend a day with Lady Gaga or Miley Cyrus?
Lady Ga Ga thanks. Neither overly appeal to me but at least Ga Ga is a grown up.
51. Would you rather learn to play piano or guitar?
One of my few 'regrets' is that I never learned how to play the piano. I play the flute and I can pick out a tune on a keyboard, but I wish I could play properly. Never got lessons. It's down in the when I win the lottery jobs.
52. We're going back to the day. Where did you get your kicks?
Some nightclub down Hindley Street. Long, long time ago,
53. What Asian country would you like to visit the most? Why?
I'd love to go back to Thailand. I loved it there a few years ago and the people, food, culture and scenery are wonderful. Would love to check out Japan too - fascinating culture among other things.
54. Have you ever thought that a passer-by was the one (think James Blunt, here)?
No. And why would I think about James Blunt. The guy sounds like somebody has his balls in a pair of kitchen tongs.
55. Ever told someone that your fake jewelery was really real?
No. I don't wear much jewellery, and the real stuff I have, is real - and the fake stuff looks fake.
56. Where are the worst public restrooms?
There are some at the docks in Santorini that are equivalent to the seventh layer of hell. The ones at the 1000 Steps in the Dandenongs are really rank by the end of the day too - rather hang on and go to the ones at McDonalds down the road tan use them.
57. What song was the latest one that got overplayed really fast?
That crappy "Friday" song that some California Dentist's daughter paid to have made (Which was just covered on Glee). It's so bad it's catchy.
58. What Friends (American TV show from the 90s) character are you most like?
Probably Phoebe. I'm happy to have that disputed. I have some of Monica's OCD too, but I'm a bit like Phoebe.
59. When's the last time you had a Popsicle?
Three days ago - but it wasn't a Popsicle - it was a Paddle Pop. That's what they're called over here. Ice cream addict, I am.
60. What TV show from way back would you love to see reappear?
An English program called 'Drop the Dead Donkey". It was the funniest program on telly. We don't have good satire like that any more.
1. Which state do you consider to be the most boring state?
I suppose being bored is the most boring state - well state of being. If you're talking Australian States - well all of them have their great bits and all of them have their boring bits. The ACT is boring, but that's a territory, not a state. I'd call Tasmania boring. It may be the most beautiful place on the planet but everybody is in bed by 10 pm - just like New Zealand.
2. If any chef from the Food Network (or any well known chef) could cater your wedding, who would it be?
I know I'd be asking Adriano Zumbo to do the cake. I'd love Gary Mehigan to cook for my wedding - as long as I could take out heart attack insurance for all of the butter he seems to use.
3. What's the last thing you ate that was red?
I had grilled capsicum on my pizza last night (home made healthy pizza that was - not the store bought crap)
4. Have you ever questioned the sexuality orientation of a close friend?
Yes. Not so strangely, we are no longer in contact - not that I ever asked him outright - and not that I care. But for ten years I was wondering - and most people who met him believed him to be "batting for the other team". When he moved back to Europe we lost track of him. Part of me believes that he's now wearing a skirt and calling himself Narelle.
5. Everyone loses a friend after some big fight. Tell us about one.
I don't really fight with people - the odd tiff and that is it. I lost a friend recently after a doozy of a fight - but we've since reaffirmed the boundaries and are back in contact. Not saying any more than that. Not worth hashing over. We were both in the wrong. And both in the right. Not that he will admit to that.
6. Have you ever washed an iPod or mp3 player in the washing machine?
No. I washed a passport once. That was an expensive mistake. Always leave a day to do your washing after a long distance trip. Saves stupid things like that happening. I might not have forgotten to check the pockets if I'd left it a day.
7. Have you ever screamed / yelled angrily at a boss?
Yes. Poor Popeye. Under-utilisation is a bitch. Who else are you supposed to take your frustration out on? The cat? That's what bosses are there for - as long as you don't make a habit of it.
8. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
I did so for twenty years. I don't do it any more. Thankfully I have very little to cry about now.
9. Have you ever regretted being in a relationship with someone?
Yes. Next.
10. Have you ever acted like you understood something when you didn't have a clue?
I work in IT. I am the non-technical person in an IT department. This is what I do best. I'm also very good at saying "You're so clever. I could never do that? Have a biscuit - I made them just for you." This makes up for being clueless.
11. Have you ever thought someone must have been insane? If yes, tell us something about the person.
I said it in the last question. I work in IT. Everybody is a little insane. It's all relative.
12. Have you ever pretended to be younger than what you are?
No, but I'm confused for a person who is a lot younger. I'm often going to the cinema and telling the attendant I'm 12. One time in ten they will give you a child's ticket. It's always worth a try.
13. Back in the day, did you ever cry because you were turned down for a date?
What is a date? I've forgotton. Can't remember - haven't been on one of thsie for years. I hope this changes soon.
14. Have you ever (or your significant other) had a pregnancy scare?
Unfortunately, yes. They're not good for the stress levels. They're just not good at all. Next.
15. Have you ever pretended to like someone when you didn't?
No. If I don't like somebody, I find it hard to pretend that I like them. I'll be civil. I'll interact with them - but generally I give people I don't like a wide berth and leave them to it.
16. What was the last thing you did that was totally selfish, yet you feel no guilt?
I took a box of Krispy Kreme donuts to my sister's on Monday. I pinched one more than I should have. I have no guilt about this. I know they were a gift, but I bought them (well used a voucher that was given to me).... Selfish, I know, but there is no guilt attached. I ran the donut off last night. My sister wouldn't have done that.
17. Tell us about a film fave of yours that we probably have not seen.
An Argentinian Film I saw last year - "The Secrets in their Eyes". (in Spanish "El Secreto de sus Ojos".) It won an Oscar for Best Foreign Language film. Superlative. But not many English speakers would have seen it. Atmospheric, dark, deep, intense - this thriller had me on the edge of my seat for most of the film. Brilliant.
18. When was the last time you kissed someone that you shouldn't have on the lips?
About three years ago. Not giving details on that one either. I was drunk. I don't do that any more. Get drunk that is. And try and kiss people.
19. When was the last time you cooked something for someone not in your family?
Two weeks ago. I had a friend down from Bathurst and another friend staying from Bendigo. I got to play Mum. I did my version of pizza (300 calories, healthy and yummy) Chicken in Pesto and Proscuitto and Steak with Mushroom sauce over the weekend. I love cooking for people.
20. When was the last time you danced like a crazy person?
Last week, I dance around like a crazy person a lot. I just don't do it in public.
21. When was the last time you just wanted to be invisible?
Two weeks ago. Coming out of a team meeting I got out of the lift and walked into a glass door on the wrong floor. I had to get back into the lift with my team - all of whom were laughing at me. Just wished the lift would swallow me up then and there.
22. When was the last time you got a gift you absolutely hated?
Oh dear, a few years ago now. Why would anybody give me a silicon cock ring? What use have I got for sex toys? Still bemuses and upsets me in equal measure.
23. When was the last time you got into a physical fight? (If NEVER, let us know about a time that you got close to a fight.)
Not so much a fight, but the last time I scared the shit out of somebody was a few years ago in a St Kilda car park. A junkie got too close - and he saw the back end of my mouth and ire - he nearly jumped me as I got out of the car - I yelled, screamed and tormented him into a corner. Scared the hell out of Blarney who was with me at the time.
24. When was the last time you had to sleep with a light on?
Bad experience in London - a heavy breathing caller in the middle of the night. Scared the living hell out of me. Woke my flatmate at the time who laughed it off - but I was there with a kitchen knife and the light on for a couple of days after that.
25. When was the last time you were under some serious stress?
Just before I left Tin Can, String and Whistle. That sucked. Thankfully it was over pretty quick.
26. When was the last time you watched your favorite movie?
A few months ago while "between jobs". Love Donnie Darko.
27. What song did you most recently downloaded?
I think that would be a Ben Lee album. I'm still hooked on CDs... showing my age, I am.
28. What would you say is your favorite hobby?
Writing - though I do that for a living. Running - that's more a lifestyle choice. Reading is my favorite hobby.
29. What is your favorite thing to do when you hang out with friends?
Watch movies and drink coffee. That's what I do when I hang out with friends.
30. What would you rather do: shower or bathe with that celebrity that you are crushing on?
Please can I throw Clive Owen in the bath. Please, please, please.
31. What is your absolute favorite dessert?
Creme Brulee. There is nothing better than a creme brulee - not that I have one very often. Ice cream is the sixth food group so that doesn't count.
32. What can someone do to make you smile, no matter what?
Give me a puppy or a kitten. That will do it. Ice cream can also help.
33. What do the hip people think of you?
Probably very little.
34. What was the last gift you bought someone?
I bought Trin a set of Affirmation Cards for her birthday. Thankfully, she claimed she loved them.
35. What was your favorite class in high school?
French. It was something I was pretty good at and something I've never lost.
36. How many spouses would be about right?
I'd like to see what one would be like. I can't be greedy. It's something I wonder about - what would it be like to be married. I have no idea.
37. What would you say was the most embarrassing moment of your life?
38. Have you ever donated money to charity?
I do so regularly. The Fred Hollows Foundation gets a monthly stipend and I do a few charity runs a year.
39. Has porn ever had a positive place in a current or recent relationship?
Other than to laugh at - no. Doesn't float my boat.
40. Would you ever dump the one you're with for someone who makes an obvious play and is MUCH hotter?
No. Looks never trump personality.
41. Have you ever disowned one of your relatives?
Nearly, but not quite. As my relatives are half way across the country they're easy to dismiss without full on disowning. I have one uncle that I haven't seen in over five years - and I'm not feeling the loss. Not that I don't want to see him, just don't feel the need. He hasn't contacted me either.
42. Would you think it's OK to cheat on someone if they've already cheated on you?
No. Cheating isn't good. If you want to screw around, get out of your relationship first. It's unfair - and this sort of tit for tat behaviour is unbecoming to all parties.
43. Did you ever consider becoming a teacher?
Yes. When I left school I wanted to be a French teacher. But I hated the way they taught French at University, so that idea went out the window. Then a few years back, I decided to leave banking and go and do a Dip Ed and teach English. That never happened either as I found IT. I think I got the better end of the deal.
44. Would you ever give a hitch-hiker a ride somewhere?
No. Just no worth it - no matter how good looking they may be.
45. Would you ever try fasting for a whole week?
It's not out of the realms of possiblility knowing some of the strange crap I get to up. But it would take a lot to commit to - and it would ahve to be under the right circumstances - like say at an ashram.
46. Would you ever try to quit one of your addictions, or better said: Bad Habits?
I stopped sucking my thumb at 33. I gave up smoking a few years ago. What is left? Picking my nose in the car? Burping after a meal. Not sure what I would give up really.
47. Could you ever kill yourself to save someone else?
I'm unsure about this one - but I think I would put myself in the line of danger for somebody I loved. Thankfully this has never been tested.
48. Does it matter if you break up with someone or have them dump you?
Nope. But getting out sooner rather than later is a good thing.
49. Would you rather have a turtle or a frog for a pet?
Neither. I'd rather have a pet that is a bit more interactive. My sister has a turtle who appears to live under a beanbag and likes to bite you. Frogs are just boring. Great for the environment, but really, they're just boring. Give me a cat or dog any day.
50. Would you rather spend a day with Lady Gaga or Miley Cyrus?
Lady Ga Ga thanks. Neither overly appeal to me but at least Ga Ga is a grown up.
51. Would you rather learn to play piano or guitar?
One of my few 'regrets' is that I never learned how to play the piano. I play the flute and I can pick out a tune on a keyboard, but I wish I could play properly. Never got lessons. It's down in the when I win the lottery jobs.
52. We're going back to the day. Where did you get your kicks?
Some nightclub down Hindley Street. Long, long time ago,
53. What Asian country would you like to visit the most? Why?
I'd love to go back to Thailand. I loved it there a few years ago and the people, food, culture and scenery are wonderful. Would love to check out Japan too - fascinating culture among other things.
54. Have you ever thought that a passer-by was the one (think James Blunt, here)?
No. And why would I think about James Blunt. The guy sounds like somebody has his balls in a pair of kitchen tongs.
55. Ever told someone that your fake jewelery was really real?
No. I don't wear much jewellery, and the real stuff I have, is real - and the fake stuff looks fake.
56. Where are the worst public restrooms?
There are some at the docks in Santorini that are equivalent to the seventh layer of hell. The ones at the 1000 Steps in the Dandenongs are really rank by the end of the day too - rather hang on and go to the ones at McDonalds down the road tan use them.
57. What song was the latest one that got overplayed really fast?
That crappy "Friday" song that some California Dentist's daughter paid to have made (Which was just covered on Glee). It's so bad it's catchy.
58. What Friends (American TV show from the 90s) character are you most like?
Probably Phoebe. I'm happy to have that disputed. I have some of Monica's OCD too, but I'm a bit like Phoebe.
59. When's the last time you had a Popsicle?
Three days ago - but it wasn't a Popsicle - it was a Paddle Pop. That's what they're called over here. Ice cream addict, I am.
60. What TV show from way back would you love to see reappear?
An English program called 'Drop the Dead Donkey". It was the funniest program on telly. We don't have good satire like that any more.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
May Star Calendar
The Star Calendar regime continues.
May has been okay - not great, but okay.
25/31 Stars.
No Pandora bead.
Mind you, I wasn't doing too badly until last week when things went a little bit out the window when my Aunt passed. I still comfort eat - I just do it with a lot more care and grace - still, no stars - and the trip to Adelaide threw me right out with wine and other stuff I don't normally go near.
But at 83.5 kgs, a lot of running to do, an economy drive to take on board and a new lease on life, I'm looking forward to June.
Pandx
May has been okay - not great, but okay.
25/31 Stars.
No Pandora bead.
Mind you, I wasn't doing too badly until last week when things went a little bit out the window when my Aunt passed. I still comfort eat - I just do it with a lot more care and grace - still, no stars - and the trip to Adelaide threw me right out with wine and other stuff I don't normally go near.
But at 83.5 kgs, a lot of running to do, an economy drive to take on board and a new lease on life, I'm looking forward to June.
Pandx
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Guilty Pleasures
Having breakfast with Trin after boxing today, my common, mucky roots came out on show.
As refined as I try and make myself, the fact that I hail from Myponga, South Australia, went to a terrible high school and I''m a bit of a bogan at times comes and bites me on the bum occasionally.
Here is me, coffee and wine snob, love my literary books, watch foreign films, like to discuss ideas and thoughts, trying to improve my life. I like going to nice restaurants. I know where to source the best macarons in Melbourne, great wineries around the place, little treasures of goodness all over the place. I'm great and knowing what is good to see and what not to see. I like to think of myself as fairly erudite in my tastes.
But there are times, when the friends I'm with want to desert me and never see me again. They don't see this trait as endearing at all.
Trin and I order breakfast. Sitting in a swanky Burwood cafe, the food looks amazing. The coffee certainly smells good. We're both a picture of sweaty happiness after the 90 minute boxing class - but we're sure we don't smell too bad. The hand sanitizer has removed most of the smell of the boxing gloves and focus pads from the grunty boy boxing gym we go to in Ferntree Gully for this once a month class. The gym is really a trumped up shed with a lot of leather and the lingering smell of sweat and testosterone (with a bit of old vomit thrown in for good measure). It's brilliant.
Trin places her order.
Then I place mine. And Trin's nose crinkles in disgust.
What is wrong with my standard mug of skinny cappucino. And and omelette, with tomatoes and basil and asparagus with sourdough toast? It wasn't that which Trin objected to.
It was the tomato sauce I asked for with it.
She berated the waiter for not being horrified at my request.
"Yo've travelled the world.You can talk about opera and politics and psychology. You like foreign cinema! I'm appauled!" remarked Trin. I thought she was going to walk out on me.
"Yes, I am reasonably refined. But I drink beer and I have a thing for the gobstoppers you get out of the gumball machines at the supermarket, and I do occasionally chew gum (but that's normally to level my ears on planes and never Juicy Fruit) and I can't eat my eggs without tomato sauce - and lots of it. If that makes me a bogan, so be it."
"You heathen!" I'm not sure if her ridicule was laced with horror or not.
"I have bogan roots. I have tomato sauce on barbequed meat and eggs. Deal with it."
Trin's nose remained wrinkles.
"Look, if it makes it any better, I have the same thing with the girls at meditation. We go to this great cafe in Caulfield. I order poached eggs on multigrain toast with a side of spinach and smoked salmon with tomato sauce."
"Smoked Salmon and tomato sauce. Eww." The colour was leaving her face.
"Yummy. But the girls at meditation have exactly the same reaction and I've been doing ordering the same thing for years." Which is true, but they now look at my eggs and sauce foible as an bizarre genetic failure.
It's just one of those lingering weird habits. Eggs or any sort - poached, boiled, scrambled, fried - quiche - needs tomato sauce in my opinion. I don't care if people don't agree with me. I just like them that way."
"Do you have any other strange food foibles?" Trin asked, still aghast as I tipped a small ramekin of sauce over my breakfast when it arrived.
"Not really. I like fairy bread. Though I rarely eat it, I sort of enjoy fresh white bread (though I berate my family as it's all they have at home). I love baked beans - but only Heinz ones. Bliss is a sausage in bread from the Bunnings barbeque. I do drink Jim Beam and Jack Daniels and Bundy Rum - but only when out with certain people - and normally in South Australia late at night. I have danced around a handbag at an Essex disco. I love romantic comedies and animated films. And if I could do it more often, I'd be happy to live on fish and chips from the Greek chippy round the corner."
"You really can be common."
"Yep - and I'm very proud of this. Especially being unabashed about my eggs with tomato sauce."
"Bogan!"
Wait til she finds out that when I'm back at Myponga I drive my stepdad's ute about the place...
As refined as I try and make myself, the fact that I hail from Myponga, South Australia, went to a terrible high school and I''m a bit of a bogan at times comes and bites me on the bum occasionally.
Here is me, coffee and wine snob, love my literary books, watch foreign films, like to discuss ideas and thoughts, trying to improve my life. I like going to nice restaurants. I know where to source the best macarons in Melbourne, great wineries around the place, little treasures of goodness all over the place. I'm great and knowing what is good to see and what not to see. I like to think of myself as fairly erudite in my tastes.
But there are times, when the friends I'm with want to desert me and never see me again. They don't see this trait as endearing at all.
Trin and I order breakfast. Sitting in a swanky Burwood cafe, the food looks amazing. The coffee certainly smells good. We're both a picture of sweaty happiness after the 90 minute boxing class - but we're sure we don't smell too bad. The hand sanitizer has removed most of the smell of the boxing gloves and focus pads from the grunty boy boxing gym we go to in Ferntree Gully for this once a month class. The gym is really a trumped up shed with a lot of leather and the lingering smell of sweat and testosterone (with a bit of old vomit thrown in for good measure). It's brilliant.
Trin places her order.
Then I place mine. And Trin's nose crinkles in disgust.
What is wrong with my standard mug of skinny cappucino. And and omelette, with tomatoes and basil and asparagus with sourdough toast? It wasn't that which Trin objected to.
It was the tomato sauce I asked for with it.
She berated the waiter for not being horrified at my request.
"Yo've travelled the world.You can talk about opera and politics and psychology. You like foreign cinema! I'm appauled!" remarked Trin. I thought she was going to walk out on me.
"Yes, I am reasonably refined. But I drink beer and I have a thing for the gobstoppers you get out of the gumball machines at the supermarket, and I do occasionally chew gum (but that's normally to level my ears on planes and never Juicy Fruit) and I can't eat my eggs without tomato sauce - and lots of it. If that makes me a bogan, so be it."
"You heathen!" I'm not sure if her ridicule was laced with horror or not.
"I have bogan roots. I have tomato sauce on barbequed meat and eggs. Deal with it."
Trin's nose remained wrinkles.
"Look, if it makes it any better, I have the same thing with the girls at meditation. We go to this great cafe in Caulfield. I order poached eggs on multigrain toast with a side of spinach and smoked salmon with tomato sauce."
"Smoked Salmon and tomato sauce. Eww." The colour was leaving her face.
"Yummy. But the girls at meditation have exactly the same reaction and I've been doing ordering the same thing for years." Which is true, but they now look at my eggs and sauce foible as an bizarre genetic failure.
It's just one of those lingering weird habits. Eggs or any sort - poached, boiled, scrambled, fried - quiche - needs tomato sauce in my opinion. I don't care if people don't agree with me. I just like them that way."
"Do you have any other strange food foibles?" Trin asked, still aghast as I tipped a small ramekin of sauce over my breakfast when it arrived.
"Not really. I like fairy bread. Though I rarely eat it, I sort of enjoy fresh white bread (though I berate my family as it's all they have at home). I love baked beans - but only Heinz ones. Bliss is a sausage in bread from the Bunnings barbeque. I do drink Jim Beam and Jack Daniels and Bundy Rum - but only when out with certain people - and normally in South Australia late at night. I have danced around a handbag at an Essex disco. I love romantic comedies and animated films. And if I could do it more often, I'd be happy to live on fish and chips from the Greek chippy round the corner."
"You really can be common."
"Yep - and I'm very proud of this. Especially being unabashed about my eggs with tomato sauce."
"Bogan!"
Wait til she finds out that when I'm back at Myponga I drive my stepdad's ute about the place...
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Decoupage in Heaven
My aunt passed away last night, five months after a freak accident robbed her of her sight and her mind.
I know it's a blessing that she's passed. She'd hate to have known that for the last few months she's been languishing in a hospital bed, making no sense, unable to see, unable to communicate, unable to do anything for herself. It's also a relief for my uncle, who's been racing around from hospital to nursing home to doctors and home again to feed their little dog clinging to every glimmer of hope. He's understandably devestated - but philosophical as well.
Of course - Mum had something to do with her passing. She visited early last night, dropping into the hospital to say goodbye. Once again, the bone was pointed, her duty done, my aunt took heed and passed away quietly a few hours later.
I'm not sure I'd like to have Mum's gift - I prefer to know I can get rid of headaches with the flick of a thumb and a nod of the head. That's a slightly more sociable talent than Mum's, though I know hers is an honor.Also, coming from a family of doctors, nurses and priests, death is ingrained as a part of time - nothing to get upset about, it's all a part of life. What they fail to admit is that it's a part of life that hurts those who are left behind.
Now it's just the wait to find out when the funeral is and fly back to Adelaide.
My third quick interstate trip in a month.
And I'm sitting here a bit numb. I'm okay, just that things are a bit foggy.
I found out about this at work just before lunch. Not that I'm frantic at work, but I have stuff to do - but it was hard to keep my mind on things. Luckily, drawing process maps is something that doesn't require that much contentration.
Lunch consisted of a long walk and some macarons. Macarons fix most things. Unfortunately, it didn't quite clear the fuzzy head, but it did take a little of the edge off.
I left work a bit early after my last meeting. Not much point being there as I felt like a lump. I wasn't blubbering, I wasn't screaming, I wasn't ranting - though the urge to deck the Wesley nob from another department was still there - but that is normal. If anything, I'm was just sitting there quietly not concentrating at the meeting to hand - all I wanted to do was get outside and walk. Which fifteen minutes later, I did. Til it started to rain. So I got the tram back home instead. Walking would have been nice under the circumstances.
Mum's okay. My aunt wasn't my real aunt - she's my mum's best friend. They were each other's bridemaids, my aunt did the duty twice for my Mum. They went through nursing school together. Mum continued nursing for many years, my aunt had to give it up after it did her back in. If this had happened today she would have been on compo for life with a lucrative lawsuit sorting out the incompetent surgeon who really stuffed her back over early in the piece.
There's heaps I could tell you about my aunt. She was one of the most irrascible people you'd ever know. Adelaide Establishment, from the very right side of the tracks. Dux of her school, she could have been a doctor, but chose nursing. Loving mother of two, loving grandmother of two. Very in with the right people, stalwart of the community. She would never be seen without her string of beads, bright button earrings and her bright pink lipstick. If she'd been allowed to grow into old age, I'm sure she'd give Lady Bracknell a run for her money.
I'm going to gloss over the chronic pain she was in that could turn her from somebody rational and caring to an utter harpy. At times, her use of painkillers appeared to be to her detriment - and I don't think anybody could understand the pain she was in - ever. I know it disturbed my mother - but my mother has never been in physical pain for more than a few days. My aunt had forty years of it.
And now she's gone. I know I'm not a Christian, but I like to think that we go somewhere else when we die - that God or whatever it is up there has a plan. And I know that she's up there now sourcing out some small paper scissors and other things to start decoupaging once again and checking out the local coffee shops for a decent cappucino and cucumber sandwiches. Poor old St Peter aint gonna have an easy time with her. She's in the bucket with my Grandmother - branded a stroppy woman - watch out, St Peter - she's going to give you hell if the lamingtons are stale.
I say this with the greatest affection. In spite of the fact that my aunt could be somewhat difficult at times, I owe her and my uncle a great deal.
My aunt and uncle provided a safe haven in my late teenage years. They gave me a place to go when my own family situation was unbearable. They gave me love and support when there was nobody about to give me any. They bolstered me up when things were horrible and made a very lost, very lonely, very unhappy young woman a sense of place. I remember going through my childhood wishing they were my parents. They've often called me the daughter they didn't get as neither of their children went on to university - something I know they would have loved - among other things.
You can't thank a person enough for that.
I'm crying now.
As there's nothing of fur or flesh to cuddle around here (possum in the roof doesn't count and I don't think it's that cuddly), it's off to do the next best thing. Interval sprints.While watching Masterchef.
The treadmill will hopefully soothe away the fuzzies before tomorrow dawns.
Bless you, Aunty Gaye. Now that your suffering is over, I hope you find some real peace - it's been too long in coming.
They gym awaits.
Pandxx
(Normal transmission will be back in the next few days - I bounce back pretty quickly)
I know it's a blessing that she's passed. She'd hate to have known that for the last few months she's been languishing in a hospital bed, making no sense, unable to see, unable to communicate, unable to do anything for herself. It's also a relief for my uncle, who's been racing around from hospital to nursing home to doctors and home again to feed their little dog clinging to every glimmer of hope. He's understandably devestated - but philosophical as well.
Of course - Mum had something to do with her passing. She visited early last night, dropping into the hospital to say goodbye. Once again, the bone was pointed, her duty done, my aunt took heed and passed away quietly a few hours later.
I'm not sure I'd like to have Mum's gift - I prefer to know I can get rid of headaches with the flick of a thumb and a nod of the head. That's a slightly more sociable talent than Mum's, though I know hers is an honor.Also, coming from a family of doctors, nurses and priests, death is ingrained as a part of time - nothing to get upset about, it's all a part of life. What they fail to admit is that it's a part of life that hurts those who are left behind.
Now it's just the wait to find out when the funeral is and fly back to Adelaide.
My third quick interstate trip in a month.
And I'm sitting here a bit numb. I'm okay, just that things are a bit foggy.
I found out about this at work just before lunch. Not that I'm frantic at work, but I have stuff to do - but it was hard to keep my mind on things. Luckily, drawing process maps is something that doesn't require that much contentration.
Lunch consisted of a long walk and some macarons. Macarons fix most things. Unfortunately, it didn't quite clear the fuzzy head, but it did take a little of the edge off.
I left work a bit early after my last meeting. Not much point being there as I felt like a lump. I wasn't blubbering, I wasn't screaming, I wasn't ranting - though the urge to deck the Wesley nob from another department was still there - but that is normal. If anything, I'm was just sitting there quietly not concentrating at the meeting to hand - all I wanted to do was get outside and walk. Which fifteen minutes later, I did. Til it started to rain. So I got the tram back home instead. Walking would have been nice under the circumstances.
Mum's okay. My aunt wasn't my real aunt - she's my mum's best friend. They were each other's bridemaids, my aunt did the duty twice for my Mum. They went through nursing school together. Mum continued nursing for many years, my aunt had to give it up after it did her back in. If this had happened today she would have been on compo for life with a lucrative lawsuit sorting out the incompetent surgeon who really stuffed her back over early in the piece.
There's heaps I could tell you about my aunt. She was one of the most irrascible people you'd ever know. Adelaide Establishment, from the very right side of the tracks. Dux of her school, she could have been a doctor, but chose nursing. Loving mother of two, loving grandmother of two. Very in with the right people, stalwart of the community. She would never be seen without her string of beads, bright button earrings and her bright pink lipstick. If she'd been allowed to grow into old age, I'm sure she'd give Lady Bracknell a run for her money.
I'm going to gloss over the chronic pain she was in that could turn her from somebody rational and caring to an utter harpy. At times, her use of painkillers appeared to be to her detriment - and I don't think anybody could understand the pain she was in - ever. I know it disturbed my mother - but my mother has never been in physical pain for more than a few days. My aunt had forty years of it.
And now she's gone. I know I'm not a Christian, but I like to think that we go somewhere else when we die - that God or whatever it is up there has a plan. And I know that she's up there now sourcing out some small paper scissors and other things to start decoupaging once again and checking out the local coffee shops for a decent cappucino and cucumber sandwiches. Poor old St Peter aint gonna have an easy time with her. She's in the bucket with my Grandmother - branded a stroppy woman - watch out, St Peter - she's going to give you hell if the lamingtons are stale.
I say this with the greatest affection. In spite of the fact that my aunt could be somewhat difficult at times, I owe her and my uncle a great deal.
My aunt and uncle provided a safe haven in my late teenage years. They gave me a place to go when my own family situation was unbearable. They gave me love and support when there was nobody about to give me any. They bolstered me up when things were horrible and made a very lost, very lonely, very unhappy young woman a sense of place. I remember going through my childhood wishing they were my parents. They've often called me the daughter they didn't get as neither of their children went on to university - something I know they would have loved - among other things.
You can't thank a person enough for that.
I'm crying now.
As there's nothing of fur or flesh to cuddle around here (possum in the roof doesn't count and I don't think it's that cuddly), it's off to do the next best thing. Interval sprints.While watching Masterchef.
The treadmill will hopefully soothe away the fuzzies before tomorrow dawns.
Bless you, Aunty Gaye. Now that your suffering is over, I hope you find some real peace - it's been too long in coming.
They gym awaits.
Pandxx
(Normal transmission will be back in the next few days - I bounce back pretty quickly)
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