Sunday Stealing: Ice Cream

 Just the post to write the day before you embark on a two-month naturopathically sponsored detox regime where gluten, dairy, alcohol, sugar and caffeine are complete no-nos. 

And ice cream, in my eyes, is the sixth food group. 

Questions, as always, come from Bev at Sunday Stealing. 

1. What is your favorite flavor of ice cream?

Does there have to be just one? I love a very good vanilla, but....

• Snickers at the now defunct Johnn Johnn's in Darwin is magnificent
• Macadamia always goes down a treat
• And I like the Asian flavours such as green tea and black sesame flavours.
• And coffee
• And a good rum and raisin
• And pistachio....

I just like ice cream. 

2. If you could invent a new flavor of ice cream, what would it be?

With all the flavours around are there any do invent. Maybe I'd get a Biscoff, coffee flavour with some toasted almonds thrown in for the crunch factor. 

That or something with Indian flavours like cardamom and turmeric. That could go down a treat. 

3. Who do you like to eat ice cream with?

Everything - great with waffles, fruit, warm cake, nuts, sprinkles, melted chocolate... I don't discriminate. 

4. If you were a flavor of ice cream, what flavor would you be?

Me, I'd probably be a decent vanilla with some unexpected bits mixed in for good measure - good things like white chocolate and macadamia. Good stuff. 

5. Does your family eat ice cream regularly, or just for a special treat?

My family eat ice cream regulary, with dessert, but only once or twice a week. As of tomorrow, I'm off ice cream, thanks to the naturopath, so that's going to be all gone. Not happy about this. 

6. What is your favorite treat from the ice cream truck?

I haven't been to an ice cream truck in years, but I used to love a 99 flake cone. Ice cream trucks are a rare thing these days. 

7. Does frozen yogurt taste different than ice cream?

Yes. As was shown in The Good Place, frozen yogurt is an abomination that should be sent to Orwell's Room 101 for getting rid of. Terrible stuff, even if people pretend it isn't. 

It's like being served prosecco when you're expecting champagne. So disappointing. 

8. If you could make a super sundae, what would it have?

I'm not really a sundae person, but I'd probably put on something like peanut M&Ms with a decent chocolate sauce. Something simple. No extra cream. It's not needed. 

9. Can ice cream make a bad day better?

Of course. 

10. Have you ever had homemade ice cream?

Yes. Actually, I've made my own ice cream on occasion. Nigella Lawson's No-Churn Coffee Ice Cream is the bomb. Nigella Lawson has some great no-churn ice cream recipes. 

11. When is your favorite time to eat ice cream?

In the evening. I tend to not eat it during the day. In Darwin, it was a great thing to wander down to the ice cream parlour for an after-dinner treat. Unfortunately, Johnn Johnn's is closing down today. 

12. What is the best kind of ice cream you ever had?

I have a real penchant for Maggie Beers Burnt Fig, Caramel and Honeycomb ice cream. It is incredible - and available at the supermarket. 

13. Do you prefer your ice cream in a cone or in a bowl?

If I'm buying a scoop of ice cream at a store, I prefer it to come in a waffle cone, rather than a cup. I'm a bit old school like that. 

At home, ice cream is eaten from a small bowl with a teaspoon - not a dessert spoon. I'm told this is a neurodiversity thing, but it tells your brain you're getting more ice cream. 

14. Is there such a thing as a bad flavor of ice cream?

I don't think there are bad ice cream flavours, just ones that are badly executed. I'm not a fan of lime ice cream, nor do I like overly watery gelato. Italian gelato is always amazing. Australian gelato, not so much. Or maybe everything tastes better in Italy. 

15. They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away. What does an ice cream a day do?

Keeps you happy. Ice cream is the sixth food group after all. 

16. Is ice cream better when it’s fresh or slightly melted?

I like ice cream when it is still firm. Again, this might be a Darwin thing, where I've been having a lot of ice cream, but it all melts too quick. I prefer when it stays firmer. 

17, What is the craziest flavor of ice cream you’ve ever seen?

Over here we get a lot of Asian flavours coming into the stores. Or at shops like Gelato Messina, there are all sorts of things come through. (I forgot about their pannacotta with fig jam and amaretti biscuits and their macadamia crunch flavours).

But I remember one flavour - white chocolate and wasabi ice cream. I loved it. Really unexpected and not too hot. The wasabi had a kick, but it was subtle. Loved it. 

Today's song:

Here we go again

 A trip to the naturopath is never fun. It might be necessary but it's never fun. 

And I love my naturopath. She's awesome. She's German. As a German Naturopath, she's not overly militant. Actually, she's got a wonderful sense of humour. 

We talked about why I was there. We talked about my goals (okay, it's about losing some weight and getting this fatty liver of mine under control. 

She didn't have to tell me what I'll be doing for the next two months starting on Sunday (Because if you' re going to draw a line in the sand, you may as well do it on a convenient date. 

So, for the next two months I will be following naturopath's orders. 

• No gluten
• No dairy (with the exception of whey powder)
• No sugar - fresh fruit in limited amounts is okay. 
• No caffeine - and for at least the first month, no decaf or tea or green tea
• No alcohol

One portion of lean red meat is allowable, as is one portion of salmon. 

And I have to try getting at least 100 grams of protein into me on a daily basis. 

I'm going to be fun to be around over the next two months. 

Thankfully, I've done this before, and I know how good this makes you feel. I also don't have to do the caffeine detox this time, as I barely touch the stuff now - thanks to that last detox. But as decaf has been banned, it is going to feel stupid going into a coffee shop to ask for a lemongrass and ginger tea.

I'll also be spending about half my time in Darwin over this time. Double fun. 

As I said. What fun....

Wish me luck. I'll need it. 

Today's song:

Done Well

 In the background this afternoon, the Paris Paralympics opening ceremony broadcasting on the television in the background.

My biggest takeaway from the hours long ceremony is that this was displaying some of the best of humanity

I avoided the Olympics for the most part. I get rather irritated that all of these people and paid millions to compete in what was supposed to be amateur games. The Olympics haven't been for amateurs for years. 

The Paralympics are a different kettle of worms. People with what are perceived as disabilities competing on a world stage. 

It makes my heart sing. 

What I really enjoyed about the opening ceremony, which took athletes from the Arc de Triomph to the Place de la Concorde, with the Eiffel Tower glowing in the background. 

The dancers were a mix of able-bodied and mixed ability, but they were fantastic. 

One fellow, Musa Motha, a South African dance, lead the dancing near the end of the ceremony. He was incredible.                                                                                                                                                      

For me, the Paralympics truly encompasses the Olympic spirit. People going out there and showing their abilities. Less bullshit and even more heart. 

And I'm hoping there won't be the dwelling on the medal tally on every broadcast for the next eleven days. 

I can live in hope. 

Today's song:

Evil Things

 Legendary sweet tooth? No self-control? Just looked interesting. 

I went to the office today, as is the go on most Wednesdays. 

I went to get a coffee. 

And then I saw it. 

I pointed it out to the guy serving me. "What's that?"

"A croissant filled with lemon curd."

The decision took all of a second. "You had me at lemon curd."

I took my coffee and lemon curd croissant back to the desk. 

It was incredible. Crispy. Crunchy. Not too sweet. Not too big. Absolutely orgasmic. Eaten as I watched the trains pootle around the Jolimont sidings. 

On Friday, I've got an appointment with the naturopath. I'm pretty sure anything remotely 'fun' will be taken away from be from the weekend. The last time I saw the naturopath for something similar she took gluten, dairy, sugar, caffeine and alcohol away from me. 

This was my last stand. I can see the same happening on Friday. 

Popping out to the kitchen, where the cafe happens to be, the barrista asked me about the dreadful item. 

There are only two words. 

Fucking evil. 

I'm glad I only work from the office once a week, so I don't have to face these temptations. 

But it was worth it. 

Today's song:

Random Thoughts

 I can't think of anything concrete to write about tonight, so here's some dot points from today:

• I am still triggered by The Footy Show, even though it hasn't been on our screens for five years. There is something about the sight of Sam "Wrinkly Bollox" Newman that makes me want to throw a brick through the telly. Eddie McGuire I can tolerate - he's pretty innocuous, but it's that horrid hyper-blokiness which irritates the fuck out of me. 
• My cat is a soggy, manipulative prick. If he wants treats, he sits next to me and scratches my leg with one claw. And he keeps coming back for me. He has wrecked many a right leg on many a pair of trousers over the last four and a half years.
• I am blow drying my hair straight as I write this (well, you know, write a dot point, dry a section). How did I used to do this every day for work? I'm doing this just for a change. I like my curls. 
• I hate the wind. It is my least favourite aspect of the weather.
• Knitting is therapeutic. 
• Why is it when you want to make some changes to your life, you want to make them NOW! It's never soon enough. 
• I've just started a book called Kinky History by Esme Louise James. It's non-fiction. I need to get it read before next Thursday so I can give it back to my friend when I go to Adelaide. 
• Speaking of Adelaide, I'm a bit travelled out - and I don't know whether I'm Bill or Ben or which flowerpot I'm in. I made plans for next Thursday - not this Thursday. Next Thursday I'm flying to Adelaide for a Freemasons Convention. Oh, such fun. 
• Speaking of Freemasons, I've got the urge to revisit that novel I was thinking about centered around the lady freemasons of a lodge here in Melbourne. Lots would have to be changed - but gee, that could be fun to write. 
• I'm going out for dinner with friends on Friday. 
• I have going, on audiobook, Bri Lee's The Work. I find it fascinating that is known for her non-fiction, this seems to have a lot of merit. I do love novels about art. 
• As my hair is now dry and straight, I will leave this here. 

Today's song:

The Cryptic Crossword Guy

 Back in the annals of time, when Bob Hawke was Prime Minister and the Australian Cricket team was something to celebrate, of a morning, we would get the paper from the local store. The Adelaide Advertiser was it, the Sunday Mail on Sunday, such is, and was, the parochial state of Newspapers in South Australia and we were not posh enough to get The Australian, in the days before it was it was a right-wing propaganda rag. 

Like most families, there was often a fight for "the funnies" - the page of the newspaper with the cartoon strips and the crosswords puzzles. 

As time went on, whenever I got hold of a newspaper, I would swoop on "the funnies" and normally make a start on the crossword - the quick crossword, not the cryptic one. 

By the end of my stay in London, I was acing the quick crossword in The Evening Standard. 

Even now, whenever I get onto a Qantas flight, I search out the magazine and try to get out the easy sudoku before the plane takes off, before making a start on their jumbo crossword. 

But the cryptic crossword has always been something that makes no sense. I pondered how to learn how to do them, these strange words which come out with and completely different answer. I remember one of my parents saying that only certain people knew how do to the cryptic crossword. 

Again, in England, I had a friend who bought the Torygraph The Telegraph on a Sunday, despite his politics. He only ever bought the paper for its cryptic crossword. 

I remember eating breakfast with him as he puzzled over his page of the funnies. 

"Do you do the cryptic crossword, Pand?" he asked. 

"No, the clues you don't make any sense. I think you either get them, or you don't," was my response. 

"You can learn, you just have to know a few tricks." 

Not that he taught me them. He made mention that some crossword setters have their own quirks, but cryptic crosswords are a learned skill - a bit like sudoku, which I can fly through the easy ones with no issue now.

I also remember that somehow, I managed to get a clue out. The answer was scimitar. 

Anyway, move forward twenty-five years and thanks to the joys of the internet, I've discovered the Minute Cryptic on Instagram. Somebody who posts one clue a day and gives a description of how to solve the bugger the following day. 

It's awesome. 

After watching his daily videos for a few weeks, this morning, I got the clue out of my own. 

It's great. 

It doesn't hurt that he's a bit cute too.

I feel like my life has been transformed. I'm feeling a bit more more worthy. 

What's next? Piano lessons? Singing lessons? Life drawing classes. 

But learning how to do cryptic crosswords feels like a good thing. 

Today's song: 

Sunday Stealing: The Second Time Around

 I did these questions early on last weekend, then I find out later that Bev at Sunday Stealing changed them about and another set of questions we're loaded. 

Anyway, I've done these questions for myself, but as I'm making another dig at my novel, I'm going to answer the questions as my protagonist, Arkie. Arkie and I have a bit in common, but it will be fun to see the differences in our answers. 

Good writers should know their characters well. 

So, here we go. I'll hand over to Arkie Reynolds, 55-year-old teacher who lives in Richmond, Victoria (like me - write what you know). You'll find out more here. 

Here we go. 

Reveal yourself in 24 easy steps

I am not:

Overly happy at the moment. There's too much to do in the next year and it is very overwhelming. 

I hurt:

From the inside out. Existential crises will do this to you. I think what hurts me the most is that my friends don't understand the predicament in which I find myself. 

I love:

Lazarus. Lazarus? Somebody I shouldn't love, but I do. Would I ever tell him? Of course not. That is against our rules. I also love my cat, Edgar and my Doc Marten boots. I used to love the old beetle I drove at university and going yabbying in the creek near home when I was a kid. Velvet Soap (Laundry soap for the non-Australians out there) is the best thing to catch yabbies (freshwater shrimp). 

I hate:

That the government are forcing me to dismantle my life. It's crap. This is what has lead to my existential crisis.

I fear:

Having to rely on people. I'm far to independent, and I won't, I cannot ask people for help with this situation I'm in. 

I hope:

For a change in government so that these draconian laws get changed that are having me leave the earth. Yes, I know, it's all a bit Soylent Green or The Island, but as the next election is not due until well after my ETD (Expected Termination Date) there is no point dwelling on it or being optimistic. 

I regret:

Getting married. Damien was the worst decision of my life, even if I did learn a lot about survival and my own inner strength, given the opportunity, I would never have gone near the arsehole. I don't even hope he's happy. 

I cry:

Long after the event. No matter what it is. Stoic is my middle name. (Actually, it's not, it's Ambrose, after St Ambrose, the patron saint of beekeepers. Catholic mother. )

I care:

That my cat is taken care of after I'm gone. I don't give a fig about anything else, as long as he ends up somewhere happy and loved when I'm not here, I'll be happy. 

I always:

Go for a walk when I'm stressed. Currently it feels like I'm walking a marathon a day. Walking by water helps a lot. Thankfully the river is not too far away. 

I long:

For a better sex life. The older you get, the longer it is between drinks. It sucks. 

I listen:

To eighties punk and ska most of the time. There's nothing wrong with Madness, The Ramones, The Sex Pistols, Siouxie and the Banshees. The more badly employed drums and bass, the better the song. 

I hide:

Myself, most of the time, from most people. It's been said I am very hard to get to know. 

I write:

As little as I can. I hate writing school reports. Bane of my life. 

I miss:

The feeling of freedom I had as a young child. I used to go out with the kids next door early in the morning and come back for dinner. I can't remember what we used to get up to, but it was fabulous. Kids today can't do that now. 

I search:

For the reason this shocking government was put into power. 20 years of conservative rule has done nothing for the country. (This is in Arkie's world - thankfully, Australia had a change of government a few years ago - the alternative if frightening.)

I learn:

I want to learn, before I go, to do the following: 

• Sing
• Make the most perfect Patatas Bravas (That sounds like me... Pandora)
• To do butterfly stroke and not like I'm having an epileptic fit in the pool
• Skate, in any form. I have no sense of balance and I'm afraid of hurting myself.

I feel:

Quite a bit hopeless most of the time. It's a new thing for me.

I know:

That what's happening to me is not right, yet I am powerless to stop it. It's bone-chillingly awful, but it's something I can't see a way out of. 

I want:

I want to know what Laz really thinks about me. We don't talk on that level. We're kids of the seventies, teenagers of the eighties. Gen X. In other words, we're emotional cripples, or whatever the polite term is for it now. 

I worry:

That by the end of this regime, anybody with a modicum of chutzpah, self-determination and a willingness to go against the grain will be dead. Say goodbye to all the writers, artists, creatives and grandmothers. It's like the opposite of America's draconian abortion laws. They don't give stuff how you come in, as long as you work your life away and leave when you're no longer of use. 

I wish:

I wish I'd invested in Microsoft and Apple stock in the early eighties. 

I have:

My wedding dress balled up at the back of the cupboard, some twenty-five years after the event. I don't know why I never got rid of it. It's followed me from share house to share house. Daft. 

I give:

To animal charities, and animal charities only. 

I wait:

For nothing. And if I queue, there can be no more than two in front of me. I don't queue for food and if you're more than ten minutes late, then stuff you. I won't text to find out where you are.

I need:

More of the following: 

• Sex
• Good patatas bravas
• My Doc Martens to be re-souled for the umpteenth time
• Time

Lots of love,

Arkie Reynolds

Today's song: