Kitt's cat, Kusha, has come to stay for two weeks while Kitt moves house. The cat was beginning to freak at the packing and moving activity, so while Kitt transfers her stuff from one place to another, Kusha has taken up residence in my flat, making nests in my snuggie on the couch and on a blanket at the end of my bed. Other than some first night howling at 2 a.m., she's been wonderful.
Kusha, a half Burmese, half tortoiseshell arrangement has stayed at Auntie Panda's Holiday Home for Cats before. After an initial sniff about the flat she decided that she would be fine and fell asleep on the couch after fifteen minutes. Since then, she's been right at home - but I have a few issues to take up with her.
1) The small of my back is not your couch. You are welcome to my lap, but if I lie on the floor, padding my back and sticking your claws in will only leave you having to ride me like bronco. Do so at your own risk.
2) Running guilt trips on me won't work. Don't ask me where I am going when I put a pair of shoes on. I don't have to tell you. Just deal with it. I go out sometimes.
3) I do not wake up in the morning with the express purpose to feed you. Can I please at least go for a wee before making my way to the kitchen? Rubbing against my legs will not make me piss any faster - really.
4) Sometimes, when I walk in the door, rubbing your tummy is not the first thing I need to do. Sometimes I have ice cream with me which needs to go in freezer. Sometimes I need to make a phone call. Sometimes there are just other things that need to be done before you belly gets rubbed. If I can rub your belly first up when I walk in the door, I will. If not, tough.
5) My shoes are not left on the floor for you to hump. Really, it's a bit off putting.Can you please do that in private.
6) Just because I come home covered in another cat's hair every so often does not mean that I'm an adulterous whore. Maow Maow will always be number one cat. Maow Maow puts up with your hair on me without complaint. Learn to share.
7) I call you Mrs Squeaky Puss because that is what you do. Just because I don't use your real name doesn't mean that I don't respect you. Besides, Squeaky Puss suits you.
8) Fish breath isn't that attractive at any time of the day.
9) The iron cord is not your ribbon. Please use my dressing gown cord like other cats.
10) Thank you for coming to stay. It is nice having another heartbeat in the house for a bit.