Dear Mummy (you bitch),
It's been 48 hours since you deserted me in the suburb of Mordialloc which when you spend an eternity in a box, must be near the back end of nowhere. Know that you will not be forgiven. You put me in that little box and drove me 45 minutes, all the way talking to some bloke on the phone, ignoring me and my needs. When I tried to tell you of my disapproval, you just laughed at me.
Regardless, I am now ensconced in the home of these people who speak this strange guttural language to me - but somehow, we understand each other.
I hid.
They left me alone.
My sort of people.
But 48 hours on, I've decided to go a different tack. These people who talk this strange language, which sounds a bit like hurdy-gurdy, don't seem bothered by my diffidence. Rather, they laugh at me.
So, I've decided to treat them like I treat you.
The bloke one likes to talk into the boxes on the table like you do.
So, as I do with you, I supervised him.
I like supervising. I'm very good at supervising.
The other thing about this place is there are lots of windows. And lots of birds.
This is not a bad thing.
I'm sure the hurdy-gurdy he-person was very pleased with the supervision.
I'm keeping myself occupied keeping an eye on the birds.
Like you, they won't let me outside to take care of these pesky flying critters. You are all terrible people denying me this one joy. It is my birthright. You all should be flogged for it.
But at least I'm keeping busy.
When you come back, I will ignore you, because you are the worst mummy in the world because you have deserted me, and I am very miserable.
I hope, wherever you are, you're as miserable as I am here with the funny people in the big house with an abundance of birds that they won't let me eat.
I'm sure you will wander back whenever you're ready. Just be prepared for the retribution.
Hugs and kisses,
Lucifer
(Mummy's note. He really is living his best life with my wonderful friends. He might not want to come home.)
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