Imposter Syndrome

 The breakthrough hit like a lightning bolt. 

It was during a writing block. I've turned back to the novel I've been pondering for years and wrote everything down I know about my main character. It was cool. I got eight pages of pretty much legible stuff down in my new HEMA notebook - because everybody knows you need a new notebook when you're at a new stage of the work. 

Then, I took the prompt. Write the story of the novel in a fairy story. 

There are six prompts. 

• Once upon a time there was...
• Every day...
• One day...
• Because of that...
• And because of that...
• Until finally...

This is pretty much the structure of not only every fairytale, but every story as well. 

So, I was up by the pool, lying on a day bed, writing the first bit - again, relaying the story of my main protagonist when it hits me. 

WAH!!!

ANGELS SANG!

HALLE-FUCKING-LUJAH. 

The inroad I have been looking for. The deciding factor. The thing that changes everything.

FUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKKK. 

So, I've kept writing. 

And kept writing. 

And I have to teach myself how to write like an AI bot, but how hard can that be? (No, I am not outsourcing my novel to AI - I just need to include some AI bits and I want it to sound convincing). 

But I've had a breakthrough. 

I've talked about my idea with a few people - given them the elevator pitch. They're onboard. 

Now I just have to do this. I've been working on the idea for around ten years - and it's morphed and changed over this time, but it's been gelling at the back of my brain. It's a lot better product that what I had ten years ago. 

Now I have to go and do it. 

I feel like an imposter. 

Most writers know the feeling - you call yourself a writer. But can you really do all of what you're talking about?

It's why I'm on a writing retreat with a group called The Gunnas. 

Cos I'm gunna do this!

I can write. I'm not a bad writer. But I feel like such an imposter. Like, I know I write - I write this blog everyday, I have five and a half years of proof that I can produce writing.

But can I do this?

At least I have a little time now to get on with this project. 

I want to prove to the voice in my head that tells me that I'm a fraud that it is very wrong. 

Today's song: