Differing perspectives

My friends and I have a common theme in our conversations at the moment. 

Aging parents. 

Being well into our middle age, my friends are all having similar issues, similar dramas and to be honest, a lot of it isn't pretty. 

I'm one of the fortunate ones. My Mum turned 80 last year, and she's doing well. She's in great health, mentally firing on all cylinders. Yes, she's slower than she was a decade ago, but here two knee replacements have made her far more mobile - and this is a great thing. My stepdad is 75 and he's doing well too. Making things even better, my folks are socially active, are forever with friends and actively look after their health. As I said, we're blessed. They've also arranged living wills. My sisters and I know their wishes. We also have enduring power of attorney arranged in case anything happens and they can't make their own decisions. This was arranged years ago. 

This last point is something I'm truly grateful for after watching friends struggle with the wishes of their parents dying intestate, or having to make decisions for their parents who are no longer able to do what's best for themselves. 

It struck me that my father would have turned 80 over the weekend. He passed away over 20 years ago, when he was 55. Not that I have ever wanted my father gone, but looking back, he went quickly, when he did go. He was never in great health when I was growing up, and a heart complaint, which he'd had most of his life got him in the end. Thankfully, when he did die, the end was fairly quick - the decline steep. And yes, he was very young, but I'm still grateful that he didn't suffer too much near the end.

Now I look to my friends parents. Some, like me, have parents who are fit and well, living busy, active lives. 

For others, things are not great. Decisions are being made. Respite care. Nursing homes. Cancer. Dementia. Folks just going a bit potty. Folks who are lonely. Hospital visits. Mountains of stress and worry. 

Then there are the friends whose parents are dying. Some have some warning. After long illnesses, the end can come as a blessed relief. For others, their folks are there one day, gone the next. 

I'm not sure what I'm saying here, just that I'm in the position where I have a lot to be grateful for. If you're not in the position and your parents are aging, maybe it's time to start gently broaching the subject of what they want when it comes to end of life care. These can be hard conversations, bit it's easier to discuss this when your folks are healthy and firing on all cylinders. 

From my experience, this does not need to be as fraught as you think. It's far better to know what your folks want if they become incapacitated. It's a lot of worry you don't have to take account in stressful times when you have a lot of othe better things to think about. 

Today's song: