By rights, you turn up to an interview in business casual, hair doing it's best impersonation of an eighties hard rock band bassist, no make up, arriving fifteen late - you're not going to get a job. Not in corporate Australia.
Then you give the guy interviewing you your best agency schpeil - not the soft spoken, "I'm a hard core, ambitious professional with balls of steel" line. No, you talk beer, bribery, the fact that the difference between banking and telecommunications is that the former has more wankers in suits and that you want to be the next JK Rowling is in your five year plan. And you use those words.
Nah, you're not going to be employed by this company. Reason tells you that you've blown your chances.
Stupid thing, I walked out of that interview with a fire in my gut. Just a little match flame - but so be it. The instinct had kicked in. I liked these people. After umpteen interviews, rarely do you meet people you think you can work with. This company appeared to have this edge. The people I've spoken too don't appear to be to overly up themselves. Actaully, they appear quite normal, well adjusted, fun and sane - then again, this is coming from me - tarot reading, weirdo chick.
The story with the company doesn't end with this first interview.
I sat the company's Business Analyst test a few days later - and passed. Amazing what boning up on use cases can do.
I met with another person at the company a few weeks later. She tells me I'm too expensive, but you get on well. Nice lady. Sensible shoes. We'd get on.
Then I hear nothing from them. And I think "Of course I'll hear nothing from them - they think I'm a nutcase with Michael Bolton's former hair".
Well, as of Wednesday I'm employed as a contractor by this company. They're shoving me into one of the Big Four Banks as a word nerd for the next three months.
For those outstide Australia, four banking institutions have a monopoly on the finances of Australia. Arsehole Bank, Bastard Bank, Cactus Bank and Dipshit Bank as they will be known in this blog from now on. To be honest, they're all much of a muchness. They're banks. The "w" is silent.
For me the words bank and work have been mutually exclusive for five years. I swore I'd never go back to a bank back office - EVER. However, I'm going to Bastard Bank in a completely different capacity. I'm going in as a consultant word nerd.
Word nerd? Documentation and Technical writing specialist. I prefer word nerd or geek liaison.
Yes, that is what I do. I translate geek into business - and at other times, business into geek. Working on a large technical project, the initial three months could span into the new year and beyond if they like me - but for the moment, it's a well paid, three month contract, where I can get my bum in the door, do some good stuff, get some docs written and see where it goes from there.
In the IT space I'm a bit of a rarity. My Mum still says that I do something with computers - but really, I write for a living. I write boring technical and corporate documents, but I do write for a living.
Something that not many of the class of 2002 Diploma of Professional Writers and Editors can say.
So there, my instincts were right. In this three months process of looking for a job, this was the company my gut said would be the one. It's well cool.
So, in the next four days I have some stuff to do.
On the list there are the following:
Find a new super fund
Return the cat
Ice Pete's birthday cake and resist the urge to spell out "Old Git" in smarties on the top.
Go to the gym a lot
Go to meditation
See a tarot client
Maybe find something that fits to wear to work
Go for lunch with Glen Waverley
See Jaspal and Popeye for coffee
Scope out the Pandora Beads for my bracelet (the reward for the star calender challenge) that I'll be able to afford soon which I've put off buying
Arrange a service for the car
And if I find a spare hour or two, maybe make that promised trip to the Immigration Museum, Rippon Lea and Heide - three places I promised myself I would go on this time off.
I'm a bit concerned that my 12wbt commitment will slip from Friday - but I have a feeling the posse will keep me in line. I have to keep this up - it's going too well.
And my head has started to spin with possibilities. Replacing the car. Getting the house deposit sorted. Changing the wardrobe. The New York (or MDI marathon) over in America next October/November.
What else do I want? What are my new goals?
Other than wanting to one day eat at The Fat Duck in Bray, United Kingdom, I don't know (Heston Blumenthal is a recent discovery - like WOW) I don't really have any dreams.
Time to start looking at that I reckon. I like dreaming big.
Tonight I celebrated with a choc top at the movies. Went and saw "Never Let Me Go". Finally a movie that doesn't butcher the book. I got my hit of England too.
In all, I'm going to bed happy.
The cat's swinging from my dressing gown. Time to go.