Project Pandora Report Day 63
Current weight - 84.2 kgs Weight lost on the 12wbt - 8 kgs in nine weeks.
A milestone was reached yesterday. BMI 29.
I am no longer listed as the medically obese.
You probably don't get what this means to me. I've been overweight all my life - obese for most of it. Life became a numbers game many years ago.
Being honest - it's horrible. It's the elephant in the room. But being fat really sucks.
To get a bit of perspective on this, being overweight is one of the most exclusionary states of being. Some of this is down to your own attitude. Some of it is society's perceptions.
Most people who've been overweight can relate to some of the following scenarios.
You get told to lose weight by all and sundry - doctors, friends, family - it's out there. I've spent time with doctors telling me to get tested for Cushings Syndrome, thyroid. etc. It's humiliating.
Then there's the non-medical stuff - which is harder to cope with. There are comments about your size in the street - on the tram - being confused for being pregnant and people offering you a seat (that's happened on a number of occasions). You don't want to get on planes for the knowledge that your stomach won't fit in front of the tray table. You pant as you go up stairs. There are only a small number of shops in which you can buy clothes. You don't feel comfortable in your own skin. Intimacy doesn't come easily. Why would you want anybody to touch you if you don't like your own body? Nothing fits right. You keep a wardrobe of varying sizes - as you grow out of things, you need more clothes (and vice versa).
I'm being blunt - but being overweight really sucks badly.
But now, the doctors, the friends, the family have less to moan about. Hell, I have less to complain about. I have a BMI of 29. I'm no longer obese.
There are some who've said to me "But you're not that big. You're muscly. It's okay, that's just you." Thing it's the thing I've hated about myself for most of my life. It's only in the last two years I've started to like my body. Running has helped bring on a sense of acheivement and pride in my fitness. Working with Pinochet and the girls at the gym has brought on a sense of real physical strength.
The 12wbt girls remind me daily that I'm not alone in this battle, which is part of the reason why this has been such a different, enriching and rewarding journey. I've made some great mate on this ride.
I like to think of my current state as chubby. Chubby with chook legs as my dear friends
have pointed out.
It's also been put to me that I probably should go and get a DEXA scan - and see what my body is comprised of - as it probably will be more muscle than fat. But I know where the fat is. Me and my remedial masseur are the only people who see me naked. Pinochet has a poke about my limbs and torso every so often as well - but that's just to correct what ever I'm doing wrong with the barbell or whatever else he has me hoiking over my head.
The fat is really going. Even I can see it now. And it is WONDERFUL!
My back and stomach are flatter. My blood pressure is down to normal. I have more energy. Clothes fit. I need to buy new underwear as it's falling off. My trenchcoat, which I once couldn't do up - is massive. I can buy clothes off the rack.
I think this is a far better state to be in.
I appear to be fitting in far more easily now. I'm more confident in my appearance. I feel attractive (though I'm still waging a pitch with my stomach.) I don't feel big any more.
No more panting up stairs (unless taken in groups of ten flights at a run). No more tiredness.
For the first time in years, I'm feeling incredibly proud of myself.
And I'm making the vow here - to never, ever, let my weight get back into that obese zone again. I know how easy it is.
But now I have the tools, support and knowledge to to keep things in check.
I'm going to be in the "just chubby" state for a while. To get down the a BMI of 25 or less is 15 kilograms away. I want to do it - but I have no time table. It will happen. I have half marathons to run, friendships to foster, new clothes to buy...
At the moment I'm thrilled that I've got through this milestone.
However, as I was telling a dear friend tonight - ever onward.
For my getting under 80 kilograms reward I want to go up to Sydney and climb the Sydney Harbour Bridge. I hope some friends will come with me. I know that Amy, from the inspirational "Aim to Change" will be with me. We've got a pact - I get under 80 by August, she loses her 100 kilograms - up the bridge we go.
These things have to be celebrated.