I'd like you to meet Bruce.
About six weeks ago I tripped over, I had my hands full, I was at a friend's place dropping some stuff and feeding her cat as she was away. I fell - thankfully nobody was there to see me trip. My bum connected with the corner of a garden bed which is very low to the ground taking my full weight. I'm just thankful I didn't whack my head or worse.
After checking myself over and working out 1) I was alive, 2) I wasn't bleeding 3) Nothing was broken, I got up, hobbled around cursing the pain (about an 8 on the 1-10 pain scale), fed the cat, dropped off the stuff that needed to be left behind and drove the half hour home, in a hell of a lot of pain. For the following two days, I sat on an bag of frozen peas and I was on four hourly ibuprufen for a week. Safe to say that on top of the bleeding there was a bit of muscle damage.
So yeah, this bruise took up all of my left arse cheek.
This is a bruise, the sight of which left grown men speechless.
A doctor friend and a physio mate suggested having the lump drain. Like NO. Nobody's sticking a needle in my arse!
A bruise so big it required naming. It nearly got its own post code. It was an epic bruise. It's one that needed to be shared.
This bruise, and the lump, which was about the size of an orange underneath it made life pretty tender for at least a fortnight. Six weeks on, the bruise has gone and the lump has shrunk to about the size of a golf ball.
I'm still not fond of lying flat on hard surfaces. Bumping my bum on things still hurts. I go to the gym and after about half an hour if legs I have to say, "Enough - my bum is stinging."
Today's monthly massage was fun. Ava, my trusty massage therapist had yet another look at Bruce (not that the bruise is there any more). He rendered her speechless last session. She's of the same opinion as me - it's resolving, it needs a bit more time. The muscle damage is getting there, but it means taking it a bit easier at the gym.
Still, It was an EPIC effort.
I sort of miss him.