I've just been chatting with one of my posse. Love the posse. A group of women from the writer's retreats that I go to twice a year who have become almost sisters to me. We laugh, moan, bitch and support each other on pretty much a daily basis - and they help to keep my head about water.
So KiKi and I were having a chat, trying to put the world to rights, and I was having a moan about a few things - you know, the existential hole that we seem to be falling into, that I have to take the cat to the vet soon, Men, you know. And that I have a blog post to write.
And we came up with this.
Never have I ever. Never have you ever done what?
And why haven't you?
And under what circumstances would you?
And what do you think you'd feel like if you did it?
The thing is, I have many never have I ever things. Off the top of my head I've never done IV street drugs (nup, no way, get fucked, fuck off), jumped out of a plane (too heavy at the moment) owned my own dog (not in the place to, besides, cats are easier) had a Brazilian wax (why would I want to look 12-years-old down there), been to Madagascar (Money and inclination or fallen in love (scarier than jumping out of a plane).
And I do things like donate blood, speak in public, push myself physically (got two PBs at the gym last night) and go to the theatre by myself (because I'm a sad sack who loves theatre).
And yes, I would get up on stage and dance to Baby Got Back with the Seattle Philharmonic, because even though I have a small bum, it would be fun.
Something, that would put me out of my comfort zone, but I could see myself doing is being a life model. But I never have. And I probably never will. I mean, who would want to draw me.
I've got a friend who has done a lot of life modelling in her time. She's an utter extrovert and an exhibitionist and was into burlesque and all sorts of other things. Nudity to her was second nature. She's also short and curvy, and said that those drawing her loved to have her as a model as she had interesting bits and bobs to draw.
For me, nudity is second nature in my own home, but I'm always going to shove on a robe when I answer the door. Unlike my friend on occasion.
But I've never had the opportunity to be a life model. I don't know where you would go to be a life model.
And I'm not sure who would want to draw me. I have a body that's like an ice cream cone, big on top, round in the middle, no hips or arse and long legs. It's like God put a wombat with a racehorse and you got me.
But would I do it? Yes. Despite not liking my middle bit at all, I don't have an issue with public nudity under some conditions - and this is one of them. I think I'm getting a little bit excited about the writer's retreat next weekend, where we have the ritual Bathing of the Lunatics - a 7.30 skinny dip in the Southern Ocean. As long as it wasn't too hot or cold and the students were real students, I'd be game. It's not something I'd do in front of my workmates. They've seen me in bathers. That will do.
And what would I feel like when doing this? Probably bloody marvelous. Nudity is a great leveler. And middle-aged women are already invisible enough. We should get ourselves out there more.
Sorry if you haven't enjoyed the optics on this one.
Regardless, never have I ever been a life model - but this doesn't mean to say I won't be in the future.
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