Another one of those little things I do - Dream Group. Sounds innocuous enough.
Well it isn't.
What is Dream Group? First rule of Dream Group is you don't talk about Dream Group. Second Rule of Dream Group. If it's your first night at Dream Group, you have to dream.
Actually, the second rule isn't quite the case. Normally when new people come to dream group, a closed circle of women who share their lives through their dreamscapes, they won't give a dream until they are settled in the group. It takes a while to 'get' what dream group is about. You listen to others in the group, you take in what their dreams are saying. Sometimes you come out and it's like you've been asleep for the hour and a half you are in there.
And sometimes, like Wednesday night, you come out feeling as if you have had the payload of a F16 deposited on you. Dream group can lead to you being grumpy, elated, paranoid, schizto, depressed, happy, sad ... or all of the above, all at the same time, for a week.
Wednesday night the dream was given. Lots was spoken about. All of us were impacted. We walked out looking a little unsettled. I had trouble getting to sleep. So much was going around in my head.
Woke Thursday, grumpy. Went to work, grumpy. Nearly called a few people incompetent, moronic buffooons - most unlike me. Then went for my lunchtime run with the boys.
Here was the rub. I'm getting a lot better at this running lark - but yesterday, I made it two kilometres - 8 minutes in, before starting to hyperventilate. It was shocking. All I could do was sit by the Yarra, cry and try to settle my breathing. I blamed Pinochet for making me do so many squats on Tuesday. I blamed the hot weather. I blamed Tin Can, String and Whistle Ltd.
Then, when the breathing had normalised it came to me what was upsetting me. Dream Group. A few words from the evening before kept going around and around my head. The bomb that got let off the night before. I walked back to the office, defeated, but pleased to have some resolution.
And who says running isn't mental?
It was noted that I was quiet. One or two know what I get up to on Wednesday evenings. Work Husband asked me if I was okay. I just shoved some music through the headphones and got on with things. I also spoke to another member of the group to see if they were okay - they were in the same state as me. Sometimes you can only talk to others in the group about what's going on. It's a closed circle, they are the only ones who understand.
This morning I completed my allotted run over eight kilometres and it was fantastic. the noise in my head wasn't there. The angst planted there the night before was over. Enough wounds were opened on Wednesday - running should have smoothed over some of these scars yesterday. It's great I have this release.
Card of the Blog: Ten of Cups. Happiness, happy families, feeling joy, knowing peace.
This is what we all wish for.
Kilometres walked since 29 January: 37 km
Kilometres run since 29 January: 23 km
Currently reading: The Elegance of the Hedgehog bu Muriel Barbery, Ultramarathon Man by Dean Karnazes
Weight lost since 29 Jan: 0.7 kg