Thursday, February 25, 2010

What is in a name?

I'm used to Thursday mornings after dream group. I'm used to not knowing how I'm going to feel, the wonderment of waking up angry, hurt, tearful, bemused, crying, laughing - you don't know what's going to happen. All you know is somehow you will process the events of the evening before, whatever went on. Sometimes nothing happens. Sometimes it feels like you're facing the full force of a rugby scrum. There are days after dream group when you are reaching for the Prozac and others where you skip out of bed all content with the world.

Rule four of dream group - one dream at a time.

We did my dream last night after a few weeks of me trying my hardest to avoid being up for scrutiny. The dream itself was innouous enough or so I thought. An hour later, after relating some of the less savoury and painful parts of my past, I came away with a few gems.

According to the dream, it's time for me to get out from my self-imposed shadow. And it's time for me to find a new name for myself.

Not so much a name to function by, but a name to write by. My pedestrian, Anglo-Irish real name is as common as muck. My middle name is even more bland. - I was born in 1968, for pity's sake, you only got a choice if Anne, Jane, Marie or Louise for a middle name if you were a girl!

According to dream group, my "Pandora Behr" nom de plume sounds too much like a porn star - though I love writing under it - I've been known as Pand for years. I can't use my porn star names - Soxy Mitchell and Sheba Blockers really do sound like women who frequent the adult content films in the straight to DVD aisle. And if I were to write a book,  if I were to have a proper, grown up, pseudonym, what would it be? I'm open to suggestions.

Being of Cornish and Welsh descent, Myfanwy Trevellyan or Rhiannon Trelawney could be goers, or there is the Spanish vein that runs through me from my Dad's side - would I make a decent Soledad Lopez or Graziela Rodriguez?

I'm going to have to ponder this a bit longer. Not that I've ever been completely happy with my name but I'm used to it. It's a big deal to change it.

(And before you ask, dream group sometimes demands change of you - I went blonde for a bit and wore a lot of blue for a while. It can be challenging, especially when you look like Myra Hindley, the British child murderer, when you've gone blonde)

My other news - I have a houseguest. Blarney and her partner Barney have gone to Tasmania for a wedding - and they have left me in charge of their youngest for a few days. Maow Maow is nearly two years old. He comes with all the accoutrements of a two year old - security blanket, toys, food, scratching post (though he still uses the couch), poo collector (litter tray). Like a two year old child, he sits too close to the television, gets under your feet and lays awake until all hours until you give him a bit of attention. He would eat you out of house and home given half a chance.

The best thing for me - I have something to cuddle in the morning, which makes me happy. Cat trumps pillow any day.

Only sad thing for Maow Maow, other than he can't go outside for three days, his favourite chew toy isn't about. Maow Maow loves the Grounded Dutchman, known to the lad as "Uncle Bite-his-nuts". Maow Maow's just going to have to make do with blue teddy, the scratching post and the couch for the next three days.

Card of the Blog: Page of Cups : The starts of emotion. An affectionate youth. Forming thoughs and feelings. An emotional fresh start.


Kilometres walked since 29 January: 73km
Kilometres run since 29 January: 44 km
Currently reading: What I Talk About When I Talk About Running by Haruki Murakami, Ultramarathon Man by Dean Karnazes
Weight lost since 29 Jan: 0.7 kg

1 comment:

FletcherBeaver said...

I like Pandora Behr, it sounds German and is more Marlene Dietrich than porn star, I think.