Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Blog-A-Day May: Day 21: Room 101

I haven’t done a Room 101 blog for a while, and as I’m getting more and more peeved about things, maybe it’s time to unleash some of them and send them off to the realms of Room 101 where they can meet a brutal and fiery demise as all pet peeves should rightly do.

For those not in the know, Room 101 is a concept dreamed up by George Orwell in his prophetic book “1984” where as a form of torture, people are forced to face their greatest fear, nightmare or phobia. There was a wonderful show on in the 90’s in England with Angus Deayton and Paul Merton that  looked at people’s pet peeves.

Here are a few of mine that I’d quite happily seen eradicated from society at large.

1.       People who use their mobile phones in the toilet

Why do people use their mobile phones in the toilets at work – or anywhere in public where you require a bit of privacy – such as Doctor’s waiting rooms? Doing your business is a very private thing, the last thing you want to do while taking a dump is talk to somebody. Why would you want anybody to recognise that you’re in the echo-chamber that is the bog talking to them. Like eww.

I can cope with people having a two minute chat is the basin area, but in a cubicle, pants around your ankles, having a chat. Really!?

Saying this, people who chat to others on the phone while they’re on the throne are a unique subset of the human race. They are also the people who you see having loud, involved conversations on public transport. We’re not talking about the ,”Hello Darling, I’m ten minutes away, do you want me to collect some milk?” type calls. These are the people who go into the gory details of their pap smear or little Xavier’s head lice for the period of ten stops, normally when the carriage is nearly silent, oblivious to the looks they are receiving.

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2.       The over use of fake tan

Admission – I love the WTF factor of “Snog, Marry, Avoid”. I don’t watch the show very often but I do enjoy wondering what half these people are thinking as they get out looking like a mix of a baby prostitute and your grandmother’s toilet roll dolly. Watching these people get “made-under” is fun.

Still, I’ve got no idea why people use so much fake tan. Why do you want to look like an overgrown oompa-loompa. Shane Warne is a prime example of this.

Maybe I’m just like people who hate cats because they have a cat allergy, of which I’ve a few friends. My skin reacts really badly to fake tan. I come out in welts. A little bit of fake tan sure. There for a night out to make you look a little less pasty, no worries. I just can’t get why people want to go around looking like they’ve been dipped in Fanta.

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3.       Smokers in the street

I’m a reformed social smoker, so that makes me the worst when it comes to this. I can’t hack walking behind smokers in the street. Hate it. I want to hit these people for stealing my fresh air. It also makes me ashamed to think that I used to smoke in the streets. With any luck, the streets of Melbourne will be a smoke free zone soon if the city council has their way.

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4.       Overbred Pedigree Animals

When it comes to dogs and cats I'm a bit of a mongrel girl. Give me a mixed breed or a standard moggie any day. What really irks me is when people take on these overbred animals where there features are so extreme that the poor animal is uncomfortable, barely breathing, destined to be in pain for the rest of its life. It's beyond cruel.

5.       Book Trilogies where the last one is not worth the paper it’s written on

Case in point - the last book of the Twilight series was worthy of lining a cocky's cage, which is a pity because the first two books were great and the third was passable. Besides, Renesmee - need I say more. Sheesh.

Same goes with the Hunger Games trilogy. The first book is one of the best young adult novels I've ever read. The third, just a passable cast of characters torturing each other.

It's a pity, as they started out so well. It's also a pity that these writers can't sustain the books - or their editors don't have the courage to tell them that what they're writing is crap.

6.       Leggings worn as pants/trousers/outerware

      Leggings are leggings. They go under things. Gym tights for when you're exercising, fine, as long as you're either exercising or travelling to or from the gym. Leggings are not pants. There should be laws about it. I think you should be fined as much as you do for jaywalking as you do for wearing leggings as pants. In Melbourne they'd make a fortune on the fines.

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7.       Crocs worn by Adults

      Plenty of my friends have said that fake crocs have saved their wallets when it comes to their children's footwear. Cheap, durable and easily replaced. I get it.

      Like ugg boots, crocs around the house and garden - no issue.What you do in your own home, that's your business.

      But why would you want to be seen in the street wearing plastic shoes? Seriously. We're not all bogans.

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8.       Neo-Conservative Politicians

      Do I really have to justify why the following people are fucktards? Cory Bernardi... Christopher Pyne.... Joe Hockey... Snot oops, Scott Morrison... Toady,  oops Tony Abbott.... George Brandis....

      I know that there are conservatives out there that actually care about people. However our current front bench appear to be taking their orders from the Institute of Public Affairs - a group that was not voted in. Since when did we stop being a democracy?

      Thankfully and hopefully the implosions that are occurring will continue and the mob of them will be sent to Manus Island pretty soon.

     For the time being, I'll just have to groan a lot and hope they explode under the strain of their lies, duplicity and plain greedy natures.

9.       People who can’t keep time in Pump

    This is one of my first world problems. Pump Class - you do weights to music. Bad technique can be corrected over time, but those who have no idea of timing are just so annoying. How hard can it be to move to the beat? Being one of the back row boffins, you get to know just who the culprits are.

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10.   The use of the word "Awesome"

    Possibly the most overused word in the English language, awesome is one of those words, like "hero" and "mandate" that really should be banished for a while to get it out of use.
   My dislike of the word "awesome" comes from doing the Landmark Forum, where it came out of the presenter's mouths at ten second intervals. It was a word that smacked of overcompensation and insincerity.

  I'm happy to have all of these things sent down the conveyor belt into the fires of hell.

  Well, here's hoping...


Cathy said...

I must, with some shame, own up to the fact that I sometimes walk to the bakery in our village for a baguette while wearing my crocs. I hate the look of them but I have a heel spur and crocs are honestly the most comfortable footwear if you've had enough of your inserts for a few hours...not ugg boots in public though. Never.

FletcherBeaver said...

I'm sorry, but the smoking in the street is ridiculous. Banning it is equally ridiculous. There is no health justification for banning smoking out in the open.

FletcherBeaver said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Pandora Behr said...

Was in a rant Fletch. They won't ban it. I'll just keep walking around smokers in the street. We reformed smokers are the worst... :)

FletcherBeaver said...

Oh... just by the way, I didn't write another comment and then decide not to say it, for some reason my original comment posted twice

Pandora Behr said...

No problems Fletch.

Karyn Peverill said...

So ... you really don't want to come to my kid's school. At any point when you walk through the school, you will be able to hear at least one, if not more, child singing a snippet of "everything is awesome" from Lego movie.
Could be worse.

As for smoking ... what really annoys me is having to battle my way through the rings of smokers and stale smoke that surround each city building. You see, the smokers can't smoke under cover. That rules out their building overhangs. And they can't smoke inside. So that leaves the pedestrian walkways .. ughs. Gross out.

Plastic Mancunian said...

Hi Pand,

Don't people who use fake tan realise that it really does look fake?

Twilight - AAARRGGGHHH!!!

"Awesome" - totally agree. it should stay in America but sadly it is overly used in the UK too.




Kath Lockett said...

Agree with it all except Pump class because I've never been to one (runs off to hide in shame)