Finding the Funeral

 I've just attended a friend's father's funeral over the web. If it were normal times, I'd have gone and sat the back of the auditorium to bid her father goodbye, even though I only met him once on recollection, but to be there for my friend. It was a lovely service under the circumstances, neat and tidy, loving and it gave a good send off to her well-loved Dad. 

This has come at a good time, not the death or the funeral, but it's given me some fodder as I'm struggling with the novel - and it's got me thinking. 

There's a couple of blockers in front of me at the moment - narrative drive, how do I get this going? How to do I get my main character to make that first call to the agency? How does she get her friends to support her through this time.

And then there's the funeral - or the living funeral. Do I have her give herself a living wake, or do I let her friends pick up the pieces? And what sort of funeral does she want to have?

Watching on, online as my friend said goodbye to her father, lots of things went through my head. I know funerals come in all shapes and sizes, and I've been to a few.  Unfortunately, COVID is blocking most people from having the funeral the would have wanted or deserved. I know I've got at least one memorial service which will be held once all this COVID crap is under control. 

As for funerals, there is no one size fits all. There's the religious ones, the not so religious ones, and the more out there ones. They appear to be arranged for the people attending, rather than the person at large, but then again, they often don't reflect the person being sent off. 

I remember at my grandmother's funeral my uncle starting his eulogy with the words, "My mother was a difficult woman." And he was correct. I remember tittering through that ceremony as he highlighted my dear grandmother with a gentle irreverence which I think she would have liked. (Grandma liked it when you pushed up against her - not many people did that - I rather liked taking the piss out of her, then again, I gave her a card for her 90th birthday which read, "There must be somebody older than you." Inside was the picture of a dinosaur and there was a badge which read 'Living Fossil'. The card and the badge had pride of place on her fridge for many, many years.)

The other thing, watching from a distance over the interwebs, I was curious in the way that the funeral was run. My friend used the same funeral directors as my family when we farewelled my niece. They do a good job, but it is very sanitised. This reminded me of the first funeral from the series Six Feet Under, which has informed quite a bit of my thinking around funerals, not that we do viewings or burials that often over here. Things are pretty sanitised and straight-forward here in Australia. 

And it's not like the Hindu cremations I witnessed in Varanasi, India while I was there. That was a visceral, yet liberating experience, watching as the pyres took the body off to another place. It was an experience surreal in its outward serenity. 

And there's the absolutely stunning Viking funeral in the film, What We Did on our Holiday. (I adore this film - watch it if you get a chance).

If anything, I think my main character would love to be sent out like this. No white washing, no dramas, no sanitisation, but a heartfelt send off with those who loved the deceased. 

I like this idea. 

Might just have a way in. 

And I should have a chat to that death doula soon too. 

Today's song:

Today's Cards: 

Enchanted Map Cards: Sad Embrace: 

Archetype Card: Damsel

Cards Against Humanity: Channel 9 is pleased to present its new variety show, "Hey Hey It's Oompa-Loompas!"