Asking For Help

“Life is always a matter of waiting for the right moment to act.”

― Paulo Coelho, Veronika Decides to Die

Is this the start of a spiral? Or me facing up to the multitude of issues in my life which have been giving me the absolute shits for years. And before I start tackling all of these things, I tend to fall down in a bit of a heap and let myself stew a bit. I hide away. I shove The Great British Bake Off on the telly and let myself be lulled into a false sense of security. Maybe it's Paul Hollywood's steel blue stare that brings you back. I don't know. 

Anyway, I've started to ask for help. 

I hate asking for help. It's against my nature. I'm far too independent for my own good. It's not something I have ever done before. 

Well, in my limited capacity, I'm asking for it now. 

Not sure what's got into me, but I've started the ball rolling on a few things. Or at least I'm seriously thinking about it. 

The first thing. Weight loss. I'm heading off to Europe in six months. I'll be seeing friends I haven't seen in ten years. Menopause means weight loss is bloody hard. Excruciatingly hard. 

So I've signed myself up to work with a dietician for the next six months. It's something I haven't tried. There's something good about having somebody to tell you what to eat. The dietician also acts as a life coach. I'm starting the week after next, once I get back from Darwin. 

Second thing, Get my finances in order. Well, they are in order, but there has to be some ways of making some passive income. What does this look like? I'm looking for ideas. 

Do I put some of my photos out there for sale on websites? 

Do I self-publish a small coffee table book with the photos of Maow Maow? 

I know there's a book in me, or three - it's time to shed the self-doubt. 

Again, any ideas would be appreciated. I'd like some guidance. 

And talking of finances, I need to find a competent, qualified financial planner. I've never had one. Working in banking for so many years has scared me off. I trust nobody. But again, if there are any recommendations, please send them my way. No wide boys or arseholes - mind you, to be a financial adviser, you need to be a bit of an arsehole. 

And the biggie. It's probably time to go back for some counselling. I've started discussing with my GP about the possibility of going on a mental health plan, seeing a psychologist and ascertaining exactly which spectrum I'm on. I know I'm on one of the spectrums - but being a woman, and being high-functioning, it's a wonder why I'm doing this. But the anxiety is starting to wake me up at night. I don't like it.

So, it's time to get some help. 

There are plenty of other things that need fixing in my life, but this is a start. 

I hate all of this. 

But it has to be done. 

Today's Song: