Am I okay?
Well, yes and no.
I'm at the start of a spiral, which I've caught in time - which is a good thing.
A spiral, you ask? I manage low grade depression. It's very much contained, managed by drinking very little alcohol, exercising, eating well, getting enough sleep and talking about stuff when I need to. It works for me, but slips happen - and I've been slipping for a few weeks. Not badly, but I know that I'm not my normal self at the moment.
Why am I slipping? Just a lot on my plate mainly. There are some big changes that will be taking effect in my life in to not too distant future. That's okay. Getting my head around this will take time. They're really good changes, but still it's change.
Study is keeping me sane. I love that.Two subjects. I'm enjoying both of them.
Work has been a bit challenging too. Mainly, I'm not being challenged and I don't have much to do at present. There are a few other minor things involved, but not being happy at work sucks. I'm okay, it's certainly not awful, but things could be better.
So, how am I going to get out of this spiral and return to normality? I need to feel like really take stock of myself.
The other wake up call is that I had to fill my blood pressure medication script. I had three repeats left before I have to go back to the doctor, which means I really need to do something about my weight - to appease both myself and the doctor I need to get focused and moving.
So what is the plan?
Get mindful. Be aware of what I'm doing to myself. Be mindful of what I'm thinking. Be mindful of what I'm doing to my body. Be mindful of why I'm not having a great time and how I feel about it. It's all about management - and being accountable.
So, what's the plan?
Okay, here are a few ideas.
1) No chips unless they come from somebody elses plate. I'm a chip monster. I don't need them. They're scratched unless they are seagulled off of somebody else. Bye bye added salt and unnecessary carbohydrates.
2) More walking. There was a time when I pretty much walked to work on a daily basis.. Then I got this job here, which is just out of walking reach - anything over an hour is just a bit much. But I've got a plan - especially as the weather is getting better. Walk to Spring Street then catch the free tram. Saves money and I get about a 35 minute walk in. Can't argue with that.
3) Reduce sugar in my life. It's poison. We all know this. I've spent the week ridding the worst of the sugar out of my kitchen. I have to say that the lemon curd a friend gave me a few weeks ago was brilliant. Alas no more. I'm not saying I'm going paleo or Sarah Wilson, but I want to be far more mindful of what I'm putting in my mouth. I deserve it.
4) Write poetry. Even if it's a haiku. Write more. Daily. Today's haiku/senryu can be found below. Good for you to write things you like writing. Not that I'm not enjoying writing for uni, but this is a different space.
5) More stretching. Something else I've been slack with. I'm still in the gym three or four times a week - I don't stretch anywhere near enough.
A lot of this is about accountability. I always do better when I have an accountability monitor - in this case, it's my blog.
There are 90 days to show a palpable change in my life. It will be interesting to see where this takes me.
As for today - walked to Spring Street this morning. Glorious day. Looking at where to get a salad for lunch. Haiku below.
Office Haiku: Waterbottle
the bottle is filled
a wordless pact for the good
warming in waiting