Am I okay? Yes.
Am I back to normal? No. Nearly there.
Am I being kind to myself? Very.
I'm pissed off. Woke this morning to a sore throat and the aches. I was supposed to be going to the football tonight - my first game in two years. Off to see the Crows play the Hawks. That's what was supposed to happen. Even bought a new cap and scarf so that I would stand out among the poo brown and wee yellow of the Hawthorn supporters. (Sorry Hawthorn supporters - is what it is. Your colours are wee and poo)
Not going. Not going to do that to myself.
The cap and scarf can be used next year. I have a feeling I'll be going along to the footy a little more next season.
Okay, I will be honest, the though of facing a 90,000 person crowd was making me anxious. Sore throat aside, just thinking about being cold, jostled and covered in mid strength beer was bringing up feelings of being closed in and trapped. It's going to be loud and noisy and brash and cold.
I'm comfortable with the decision.
So, from this.
I acknowledge that I'm still not quite right and though I'm functioning at 100%, this spiral is still in place. At least I'm spiralling in the right direction.Upwards.
I'm fully aware of my limitations at this time. If this means giving my footy ticket away, so be it. There will be other games.
I'm really proud of myself for not doing me any more damage.
I'm accepting of the fact that this needs to be ridden out in its entirety. There are no quick fixes. It is what it is. Thankfully, the worst is over.
On the good side of things, I get to study this weekend. And go to the theatre. And do lots of exercise. And maybe see a film. And visit the Maow Maow (really miss that critter). All things I love doing.
Knowing that I have friends about means a lot. Knowing that I can ride this out with grace and dignity, even better.
Having Mercury in Retrograde - yeah, well that never help, but you have to deal with that too. For those not of an astrological mind, when Mercury appears to be going backwards communication in the world breaks down. This is a good time to plot and reflect. Not good for getting anything done such as contracts and paperwork. Good for planning, not for doing.
It's a matter of dealing with things the best you can under the constraints you have.
Oh, the other thing. Last night my trainer tried to kill me. Cleo is known around the gym as "The Smiling Assassin". She put Jay and I through a hellish 35 minute session where both of us nearly collapsed. Upped all the weights and the intensity, culminating in her making me push a 120 kg sled (Sled = 60 kg + 60kgs of weights) with her standing on top of it (Another 60 kgs). A third the way down the track I stopped and asked her to stop playing silly buggers. I felt like I was about to expire. Daft thing is, I probably could have got her to the end of the track if she hadn't killed us in the half hour before. Next time.
Proud of me at the moment. It's a good feeling.
Go the Mighty Crows!
The trainer stands on the sled,
Cracks whip, then yells "MUSH".
Grey days and play days
Once the feelings stop