1 Day: The Last Day

I am aware that today is the last day of my forties, a fact which I am approaching with a sense of horror and pride in equal measure. It feels like it was only a blink of an eye away that I was turning 40, then 30. Much before that, I don't remember, or choose not to remember.

This reflecting has made me a bit quiet, and that's okay. I really do feel like I've not really achieved much in this 50 years, but there is also a quiet pride that I've done quite a bit. I do not have a family of my own, but I have a family that's been adopted and mean the world to me. I have no real assets, but I have absolutely no debt. Swings and roundabouts is this fact, but the no debt is great. I'm an adult, but I pride myself on being a big kid - and that will not change. The fact that as a middle aged woman, I am still the first one into the pool and the last one out and I don't give a shit that my hair gets wet irks some - well stuff  'em I say.

I've been reflecting on what I've learned over the last ten years. Life has dealt some interesting lessons.

1) Your forties give you many freedoms which you don't expect to find. Not giving a crap about the small stuff being the biggest lesson. You get to be yourself without apologising - something I never saw coming.

2) You start to care passionately about your health - and do things to make sure that you stay healthy. After watching friends suffer from everything from breast cancer, to heart conditions, to blood conditions that will kill them, to auto-immune disorders, knowing that eating property, exercising and taking a blood pressure pill a day is a minimal sacrifice to feel good - and that I am very fortunate that this is all I need to do to keep myself in order. Long may it remain.

3) I am not as fat, ugly or stupid as I thought I was in the forty years before. I'm just me. It's okay. I'm dealing with it.

4) You know which battles to fight more easily now. Maybe it's practice, maybe it's you don't care - but some of the acrimony of the past is no longer found.

5) You treasure some of the little things in life. A good sleep, a friendly cat, a good dump,
an unexpected kindness, an old song. They are little things, but they make life a lot better.

6) Sex gets better in your forties - who knew? Again, maybe it's because you don't give a crap, or maybe it's because your chances of getting pregnant are significantly diminished, but there is something about all of this which makes the experience a hell of a lot better. Nobody tells you this.

7) Menopause is God's way of saying that there are better things ahead of you - if you can get through the crap - or in my case, find a very good doctor who's favourite saying is, "You don't have to put up with that." I don't care if they say that it's not very feminist, or a bad thing. I've not had breast cancer (touch wood that will never happen).  HRT is a saviour. I thank which ever deity or scientist that it is there. It is good to feel normal. Coming from a family where the women have long, complicated and downright horrendous effects, this is a good thing. HRT returns sanity - don't knock it. Women should talk more of these experiences. It's as individual as it is universal, which is the paradox.

8) You can get through anything if you have friends.

9) There are some life skills that you never lose. As I have discovered, I can still do the following:

• Cat's cradle
• Swear when appropriate
• Swim
• Sing Khe Sahn, verbatim (Cough, bogan)
• Recite Shakespeare
• Pilfer cigarettes without blushing or remorse (only when drunk)
• Shamelessly flirt
• Run (though my knees complain)
• Read tarot - no matter how long it is between readings, it's still there - same goes reading a natal chart.
• Give back as much shit as you are dealt.

10) Smiling at random babies on public transport will never get old. 

11) The lines on your face are a map - and they are okay to have - but sunscreen is an awesome thing.

12) Optimism is one of the most potent states on the planet - and it can get your out of many a bind. 

13) Travel well, travel often. Oh for f*ck's sake, just travel. It's good for you.

14) The only think scarier that the Federal Liberal National Party is the closed minded bigots who think they are rational. Yes, it takes all kinds, but do they need to be so vocal in their ineptitude and fear-mongering?

I'm not sure if these are good or bad lessons, but this is what has come to me today.

So now, I'm going to have a massage and go get my toenails painted before trotting off to the 5 pm Yin Yoga class at the Yoga Barn.

I'm not sure what tomorrow will bring - but I will see out my forties, with some grace, I hope.

If not, there is always gin and The Pixies. 

Today's song: It's apt