Tuesday, June 19, 2018

62 Days: Brave

I'm trying to be brave. For the most part, I succeed.

Bravery is something I do. It's a matter of getting on with things, not thinking about things and putting one step in front of the other. I'm a good ex-Methodist. We do denial really well.

My type of bravery is minor. I look at there being many sorts of courage out there in the world. I think of my niece who battled leukaemia a few years ago - a fight she did not, could not win. I think about my sister, brother-in-law and niece who now live without her. I can't comprehend that sort of guts.

I'm watching as a school friend mourns the loss of her husband of 50 years. I can't comprehend what she's going through.

Another friend, for the first time in her working life, has been made redundant. She's finding new stores of courage as she navigate the joys of being redundant. It's a minefield.

I have to admit, I don't need too much courage to go out and find a job. Yes, I'm a bit crotchety, and I like to be left alone at this time  - as somebody found out at a meeting. "Please let me get on with the tasks at hand - this is way down on my list of priorities." This person didn't like this answer, but there you go. I'm looking after me first for the moment.

Work will sort itself out. It's a numbers and timing issue. It won't take too long.

I'm being brave about another matter.  I'm working with the axe wound. It's a matter of time.

Once again, one foot in front of the other. I have no control over the matter - just have to get on with things and let it run its course. I'm obfuscating for a reason. I don't know how this situation will play out, other than continue to play on my mind. I'm trying hard not to think about it all - though it's the first thing I think of when I wake in the morning and last thing I think about at night. But as I have no control over what is going to happen.

All I have is a feeling of inevitability. And no idea what will happen when the preordained occurs. When it occurs. If it occurs.

Who am I kidding. I'm not brave. It's a facade. I'm trying - that's all.

And I leave you with today's song. A gem from James Blunt (who knew). He sings about real bravery and courage.

I think I need some chocolate.

Today's Song:

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